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The New Testament does not give us a clear record of the families of the apostles or of the elders. From Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 9:5, and also from Matthew 8:14, Mark 1:30, and Luke 4:38, we know that Peter had a wife; these are the only words in the New Testament concerning the families of the apostles.
Paul, however, speaks several times of his spiritual children. He refers to Timothy as his spiritual child (1 Tim. 1:2, 18), and also Titus (Titus 1:4) and Onesimus (Philem. 10). Peter also calls Mark his son (1 Pet. 5:13).
There must be a reason for this. I have considered this matter for some time. My conclusion, which I am going to tell you, is an understanding from my experience. I have never read anything concerning this matter, and I have been unable to find a biblical interpretation. The only way I have to understand this matter is by experience and observation.
According to human affections, it is really hard for anyone not to have his family involved in his career. If you have a business or some kind of enterprise, it is easy for your family to get involved in it. Nonetheless, in spiritual things family involvement is always an entanglement. The relationship among the apostles and among the elders and even among the churches should be absolutely and purely in the spirit. I do believe this is the basic reason that in the early days of the church and the work, the elders and particularly the apostles did not bring in their families. When the family is brought into the church leadership or into the work, there is a peril that the thing would not be so pure.
I have seen a few places—praise the Lord, not many—where the co-workers brought their family into the relationship with other saints. In some places also I have seen where the elders brought their families into relationships with others. Eventually, with not one exception, wherever there was such an involvement, there was suffering and loss.
Let me give you a real illustration. There was a church in which an elder had contacts with the brothers and sisters. These contacts led to a relationship between his family and theirs. A number of these brothers with their wives were willing to help this elder in church affairs but not in a pure way. Eventually, this elder’s home became a center for this kind of relationship. They termed it fellowship, but actually they went far beyond the limits of fellowship.
Some wives do not like to have others come into their home frequently. They like to keep their home free of so many contacts. This does not mean that they do not love the brothers and sisters. They love them, yet they like to keep a distance. However, there are also some sisters—not too many—who like to have people coming into their home. They like their family to be like a market, with the more people the better.
I have seen this happen. In every place where relationships among families have been too close, the church in that place has suffered a great loss. Why? Eventually that family actually rules, controls, the leadership. Actually, it was not the family; it was the wife. That wife controlled the leadership. This has happened in some places. The scale was quite large in some places. The larger the scale of such a practice, the more the church eventually suffers.
The point is this. In the eldership we must bear the responsibility in a very pure way. There must be purity in the motive, in the intention, in the procedures, and in all the doings related to the leadership.
It is always good to draw a clear line between the leadership and your family. It is not easy. Because you are one of those taking the lead, things will come to your attention at home. Then your wife or children can easily get involved. For the long run, it is always profitable to draw a clear line.
In all the years I knew Brother Nee, I can testify that he never had any family friends among the saints. He only had fellowship with the brothers; he never had friendship, even with the co-workers and elders. Furthermore, he never brought his relatives into the church leadership or into the work. As Mrs. Nee later testified, before they were married, Brother Nee told her, “I am taking you as my wife; I am not marrying you as a co-worker.” All the time I was there and saw the situation, Mrs. Nee never came into the work. She was a good sister, but she was not brought into the work. Nor was she even a deaconess in the church. Brother Chang knows this quite well.
This is a serious matter. Apparently, to have the family brought into the work is a help to us. Actually, it does not help. Eventually, it will cause great suffering. In some places I have seen a family influencing and even controlling. In some cases it went as far as controlling other places.
After seeing Brother Nee’s example, I myself did my best not to have personal friendships or family friends among the saints. I practiced this while I was in Chefoo; I was there for quite a long time, and I tried purposely not to have a family friend. After that I was in Shanghai, then in Taiwan, and then I came to this country. In all these places I have not made friends. Through all these years I have been with you, you can realize that I do not have any family friends. We have practiced this purposely. A number of saints did show their love to us with the expectation that we would go to their homes frequently and that they in turn would feel free to come to our home to help with the cooking and other things. We purposely closed the door to this. I do not mean that we have not needed the help of the saints. Quite often we have needed some help, but we closed the door to any kind of family relationship.
It is hard to be pure, and it is hard to be in the spirit, as long as the family is involved. Our relationship should only be spiritual with the co-workers, with the brothers, and with the other saints. It should be absolutely pure and purely in the spirit.
The Bible does not give us a hint as to who were the successors of the apostles or of the elders. This is contrary to our human thought. We would expect—if we are a prevailing elder—that eventually our son or sons would be our successors in the eldership. But the Bible gives no hint that this ever happened. The succession is altogether up to the Lord’s sovereignty. It is not up to our choice or our preference. This does not mean that we should not perfect our children to grow in life and to serve the Lord in the church. That is another matter. But if we want to build up our children to be our successors, this is against the spiritual principle.
The same is true concerning the matter of salvation. If we can educate our children to be saved, if we think we can raise them so that they get saved, then where is predestination? Of course, some have gone too far to the other extreme, saying that it is all up to the Lord’s predestination, so we do not need to do anything; if the Lord has not chosen our children, they will not be saved whatever we do. That is another extreme. We must do our best to raise our children well, and we must do everything we can to help them to know the Lord. But eventually what will be is up to the Lord’s sovereign grace.
In the Bible there are two sides. On the one side, the New Testament charges us, especially the leaders in the church, to take good care of the family, to manage or rule our home well (1 Tim. 3:4-5). On the other side, we cannot see any hint as to who was the successor of Peter or of John or the other apostles. Thus, we must not hold the concept of building up our children to be our successors; that is not scriptural. Some have said that Timothy was Paul’s successor. I tell you the truth, Timothy was not. There is no comparison between what Paul did and what Timothy did. Timothy did not do the same as Paul in the Lord’s New Testament ministry. So, according to the New Testament, there is no human successor to the workers or to the elders.
We must stand in the middle, not to this side or to that side. We must do our best to take care of our children, to teach them, and to raise them in the knowledge of the Lord. Of course, we have to do this. Yet we must leave the outcome to His sovereignty, to His mercy, and to His grace.
But my point is this, brothers: In the Lord’s work and in the church leadership, we have only the relationship in the spirit. Between the brothers and us there should be only the genuine fellowship, not friendship.
These days I have been working on the three Epistles of John. The last one does say, “The friends greet you” (3 John 14), and the Lord Jesus did say, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep” (John 11:11). There was a kind of friendship. But that friendship was a spiritual friendship; it was not based on natural affection. What I mean is this: natural affection should be kept aside. This is typified by the word not to put honey in the meal offering (Lev. 2:11). Natural affection is not that evil, like leaven; it is something sweet. Yet there must be no honey in the Lord’s work, no honey in the church leadership. The relationships should be pure; the fellowship should be genuine, in the spirit.
We must avoid honey, natural affection, especially in the church responsibility. Once our family comes in, there is a real impureness. This does not mean that our wives and children should not come into the Lord’s interest. They should. But the line should be drawn. Some sisters may come to your home to help with the cooking in some instance, but you must draw a line. If you do not draw a line, you will have trouble. Sometimes such relationships can lead into sinful things like fornication. Draw a line.
In human society there are always some who are fond of helping others. Since you are a leader, they would especially like to help you. Since you are a leading one in this kind of work in society, if they are allowed to help you, they feel honored. Do not take advantage of their offers to help. Do not allow this kind of thing to come in. It comes in mostly through the family.
I hope my word is clear to you all. It involves a lot of things. You have to understand it in a very clear-cut way. You have to be a surgeon. In doing surgery, you must be discerning in order to know which part to keep and which part to cut off. It is not that we reject all the brothers and sisters from coming to contact us. We need to have contact with the saints. In a positive sense, the elders should be those who are open to others, who easily contact others, and who are easily approachable. If you are not this way, you cannot effectively carry out your responsibility. Yet there is a peril. You must draw a line, allowing the relationship to go only so far. I can testify that many times the saints would have liked to have further contact with us, but we stopped it. If we had wanted to, we could have gone further. Then, however, they and we would both have fallen into a relationship that would not have been healthy to our spiritual life, to the church life, or to the work.
Suppose one of you brothers comes to fellowship with me. That is fine. But after many times of fellowshipping together, there will be the peril that the two families might get involved. His wife will come in, and so will my wife. Here is the peril. That is why we must draw the line. We can only go so far to have fellowship in the spirit; if we go further, we fall into natural affection.
The churches have been in the same localities for a long time. The longer we stay in the same place, the easier it is for all of us to become involved with certain families and to develop a natural affection for them. Even if you have saints staying with you, you have to draw a line. Do not let that hospitality bring in a kind of natural affection. Regardless of how long the guests are there with you, keep a distance. Otherwise, whatever you do for the Lord will be damaged by your natural affection. The only thing to be built up is the spiritual fellowship. There should be no natural affection, no friendship. We who are co-workers should be intimate brothers, yet still not friends.
All these years I have never built up a friendship with anyone. You might consider me a cold person. I may be; I do not know. Yet I do realize that the Lord has been preserving me from trouble. When I look into the past, I thank Him. If I had developed some friendships, I surely would have gotten into trouble and would have suffered because of it.
