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Scripture Reading: 1 Pet. 3:7-13
In the previous message we considered 1 Pet. 3:1-6, Peter’s word to the wives concerning married life. In verse 1 Peter indicates that, as household servants are subject to their masters, so the wives should be subject to their own husbands. Then in verses 3 and 4 Peter points out that what is costly in the sight of God is the adornment of a meek and quiet spirit, which is the hidden man of the heart. Let us now go on to consider Peter’s word to husbands.
Verse 7 says, “The husbands, in like manner, dwelling together with them according to knowledge, assigning honor as to the weaker, female vessel, as also joint-heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” Peter’s word to husbands is quite different from Paul’s word in Eph. 5 and Col. 3. Peter uses the phrase “in like manner,” a phrase that has bothered me. This phrase seems to indicate that as servants are subject to their masters, and wives to their husbands, so the husbands, in like manner, should be subject to their wives. I believe that Peter intends this phrase to mean that not only are wives to be in subjection to their husbands, but also husbands to their wives. (As we shall see, Peter’s word about husbands honoring their wives implies at least a certain amount of subjection to them.)
Some may think that saying that husbands are to be subject to their wives contradicts the word that wives should subject themselves to their husbands. Actually, as we shall see, this is not at all a matter of contradiction; it is a matter of balance. Neither Peter nor Paul says clearly that husbands should be subject to their wives. But Peter says that husbands should honor their wives, and Paul, that husbands should love their wives. In Ephesians 5:21 Paul says, “Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” This seems to indicate that a husband and wife are to be subject to each other.
The Bible is much wiser than we are. In particular, it is wiser than those who say they are concerned about human rights. The Bible is full of wisdom, for it always keeps things balanced.
What Peter says in verse 7 is a balance to what he says in the preceding six verses. Regarding married life, it would be pitiful to have verses 1 through 6 without verse 7. That may cause some to think that the females should be slaves of the males. But if we read the book of Genesis, we shall see that Abraham highly appreciated his wife, Sarah. Yes, according to 3:6 Sarah did call Abraham lord. However, she did not say this directly to him. Rather, this word was uttered before the Lord. Genesis 18:12 says, “Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?” This word was not spoken directly to Abraham. There is no record in Genesis that Sarah ever called Abraham lord directly.
The proper practice between husbands and wives is that the wife should respect her husband as lord and subject herself to him, but the husband should not assume the position as being the lord over his wife. This means that a husband should not say, “Don’t you know that I am your lord? Even you yourself recognize me as lord.” It is wrong for a husband to have this attitude or to speak this way. Peter’s word is balanced. When he speaks concerning the husbands, he indicates by the phrase “in like manner” that the husbands should subject themselves to their wives.
Some readers of this book may think that in 3:1-7 we have two extremes. They may think that the first extreme is Peter’s word about wives being in subjection to their husbands, and the second, the indication that, in like manner, the husbands should be in subjection to their wives. Actually, what we have here is a word of balance. If our married life is to be balanced, we need to have two poles, or, if you prefer to say it this way, two extremes. One pole should be the wife’s subjection to the husband, and the other pole, the husband’s subjection to the wife. If we have these two poles in our married life, we shall be balanced, and we shall live our married life in a “temperate zone.” I enjoy living in a place where the climate is temperate, neither too hot nor too cold. The “climate” of our married life should also be temperate, moderate. In order to have such a climate, we need the two poles indicated clearly in 3:1 and implied in 3:7.
In verse 7 Peter says that the husbands should dwell together with their wives according to knowledge. The phrase “according to knowledge” can easily be misinterpreted. Men who have more knowledge or education than their wives may fail to respect their wives. Peter is not referring to the knowledge of human education. For a husband to dwell together with his wife according to knowledge is to live with her in an intelligent and reasonable way. It is to be governed by spiritual knowledge that recognizes the nature of the marriage relationship and the weakness of the female, not governed by any passion or emotion.
Husbands, your relationship with your wife should be governed by spiritual knowledge; it should not be governed by the knowledge you have gained through your college education. Spiritual knowledge recognizes the nature of the marriage relationship. In married life, husbands need to have a spiritual knowledge that recognizes the weakness of the female. If we have this knowledge, we shall know that God created woman the weaker vessel simply for the nature of the marriage relationship. If there is to be a proper marriage relationship, both parties should not be equally strong. One party should be stronger than the other. Therefore, the brothers should not think that the weakness of their wives is something to be despised. No, we must realize that our wives’ weakness was created by God specifically for the purpose of the marriage relationship. Therefore, we need to understand the reason for the weakness of the female, and we need to understand the nature of the marriage relationship. This is to have our married life governed not by the knowledge from human education but by spiritual knowledge.
A husband’s relationship with his wife is certainly not to be governed by any passion or emotion. This means that in married life a husband should be governed neither by worldly knowledge nor by fleshly emotion. Instead, he must be governed by spiritual knowledge that recognizes that the weakness of the female was designed by God to fit in with the nature of the marriage relationship.
In verse 7 Peter also says that the husbands should assign honor to their wives as to the weaker, female vessel. The Greek word rendered “assigning,” aponemo, means to apportion, to portion out; hence, to assign to. The Greek word for honor is timeand means preciousness, valuable worth. The husbands should appreciate the preciousness, the valuable worth, of the wives, and apportion it, assign it, as honor to them duly and reasonably as to the weaker, female vessel.
Man, including woman, was made a vessel to contain God (Rom. 9:21, 23), and believers in Christ are vessels to contain Christ as the treasure (2 Cor. 4:7). The female, according to nature in God’s creation, is weaker than the male physically and psychologically. Although the wives, as female vessels, are weaker, they are still vessels of the Lord and can be vessels unto honor (2 Tim. 2:21), deserving a certain honor.
Peter tells the husbands to assign honor to their wives. A husband must give at least a certain measure of honor to his wife. If we see that a husband should honor his wife, we should realize that this implies some kind of submission to her. Submission always goes with honor. If you do not submit to a particular person, how can you honor that one? This would be impossible. Honoring someone always implies a certain degree of submission. As we have already pointed out, this is a word of balance. Husbands must honor their wives, and, no doubt, the wives must also honor their husbands.
A husband should not argue that because his wife is the weaker vessel, she should not be honored by him, the stronger vessel. Once again I would say that husbands need to recognize that the weakness of their wives was prepared by God for their marriage relationship. Even though the wife is the weaker vessel, in many aspects she is worthy of her husband’s honor. Therefore, the husband must assign honor to her.
Married life can be compared to a corporation, a business, that assigns a percentage of the yearly profits to its shareholders or owners. In our married life husbands must learn what percentage of the “profit” of the marriage “corporation” should go to the wife. The husband needs to know how much of the profit belongs to him and how much should be assigned to the wife. Husbands should not rob wives of their profit, of their honor. In married life a portion of the profit or honor must be assigned to the wife.
The husband’s assigning of honor to the wife should be according to knowledge. The phrase “according to knowledge” is related to “assigning honor as to the weaker, female vessel.” Of course, “according to knowledge” is also related to the matter of dwelling together with our wives. Our dwelling with our wives should be according to knowledge and also accompanied by the assigning of honor to our wives. This is the way to have a proper balance in our married life. If our married life lacks this balance, it will be like a scale with one side in the air and the other side down low. That kind of imbalance causes a very poor married life. The point here is that the balance in married life comes mainly from the husband assigning honor to the wife.
Often a husband will rob his wife of honor. He does not assign any portion of the honor, any part of the profits of the marriage corporation, to the wife. This practice is wrong.
As a result of my study of Peter’s writings, I have come to appreciate them very much. I especially appreciate the particular terms used by Peter. One of these terms is “assigning honor.” Brothers, have you ever realized that you are required to assign a certain amount of honor to your wives? Your wife may be weaker than you are and not as highly educated. Nevertheless, she is worthy of honor. The corporation of your married life has earned a large profit, and she deserves a share in it. As the husband, you need to know what portion of the honor, of the profit, should be assigned to her.
In assigning honor to the wife, the husband should be careful not to assign too much honor. I believe that Peter’s word about assigning honor implies that a husband should not give too much honor to his wife. If he honors her too much, he will spoil her. The husband should assign honor to his wife properly, giving her neither too little nor too much. I have seen marriages where the husband was so kind, good, generous, and humble that he assigned all the profit of the marriage corporation to his wife. That caused the wife to be spoiled.
Brothers, assigning honor to our wives should not be done foolishly, blindly, or ignorantly. It must be done according to knowledge. As husbands, we need to determine what is the right percentage of honor that should go to ourselves as the husbands and what percentage to our wives. If you assign honor to your wife in a proper way, the “business” of your married life will be healthy and sound. Your marriage will be secure and peaceful.
In verse 7 Peter says that husbands and wives are “joint-heirs of the grace of life.” Grace of life is God as life and life supply to us in His Trinity — the Father as the source of life, the Son as the course of life, and the Spirit as the flow of life, flowing within us with the Son and the Father (1 John 5:11-12; John 7:38-39; Rev. 22:1). All believers are heirs of this grace.
In brief, the grace of life is the Triune God processed to become the all-inclusive, life-giving, indwelling Spirit. The Triune God is now within us as the grace of life. Both husbands and wives are joint-heirs of this grace of life. We inherit the grace of life together.
This inheritance is part of the “inheritance, incorruptible and undefiled and unfading” (1:4). All the items of our eternal inheritance are related to the divine life which we received through regeneration and which we are experiencing and enjoying throughout our entire Christian life. All husbands and wives need to see that in their married life the husband and wife are co-heirs of such an inheritance, in particular, of the grace of life.
In 3:8-13 Peter speaks of the Christian life and its sufferings with respect to common life. Verse 8 says, “And finally, be all of the same mind, sympathetic, loving the brothers, tenderhearted, humbleminded.” This verse is filled with good terms. Paul also uses such terms, but he does not put them together the way Peter does.
Verse 9 continues, “Not rendering evil for evil, or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, because to this you were called that you might inherit blessing.” In the first part of this verse “blessing” is not a noun as the object of “rendering”; instead, it is a participle, meaning “be blessing.” When others revile us, we should not revile them in return. On the contrary, we should bless them. Peter’s word here corresponds to what the Lord Jesus says in Matthew 5:44 and to what Paul says in Romans 12:14.
In verse 9 we are told that we have been called that we might inherit blessing. We have been called to bless others, so we, as a blessed people, should always bless others that we might inherit blessing. What we bless others with, we shall inherit ourselves (Matt. 10:13). Of course, the blessing here is not material. According to the context, the blessing refers to life, indicating that we shall inherit more life.
In verse 10 Peter continues, “For he who is desiring to love life and see good days, let him cause his tongue to cease from evil and his lips to speak no guile.” Good days are days of good, referring to good things as blessing. If we would see such good days, we should cause our tongue to cease from evil and our lips to speak no guile. Concerning this, Christ is a pattern for us to follow. In 2:22 Peter tells us that Christ “did no sin, nor was guile found in His mouth.” But our lips and tongue cause much trouble. Many negative things have resulted from the improper use of our tongue and lips.
In verse 11 Peter speaks of turning from evil, doing good, and seeking and pursuing peace. In verse 12 he says that the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are unto their petition, but His face is against those who do evil. Then in verse 13 Peter says, “And who will harm you if you become zealots of good?” According to this verse, we should not only be zealous of good; we should become zealots of good. The word “zealots” denotes a particular kind of person. We all should become zealots of good.
