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Following his salvation, Watchman Nee first began bringing people to the Lord, and second he began learning to live in the Lord's presence. He discovered that anything between him and God was a hindrance to receiving answers to prayer. It was also a frustration to trusting God for his needs and kept him out of God's presence. At the same time he saw that he must make thorough confession of sins to God and fully rectify any wrongs regarding people. He was very strict in these two matters in order to maintain a good conscience without offense (1 Tim. 1:5; Acts 24:16). Whenever he was having a transaction with God regarding a certain matter, God would deal with him regarding the elimination of certain things to maintain his fellowship with God. He went on with God in this way through his entire life.
In order to stay in God's presence, he repeatedly wrote to the saints confessing his wrongs, offenses, and faults, asking for forgiveness. He dealt with sins both before people and before God. Many times at the Lord's table he was heard to confess in prayer that he was sinful and to ask the Lord to forgive him. This indicated a conscience sensitive to anything sinful before God. His conscience was so keen because he always kept it pure by dealing with sins before men and God, leaving nothing undealt with. By keeping his conscience free of offense, he was able to maintain an intimate fellowship with God.
In order to live in the presence of God, Watchman Nee eliminated everything worldly from his life. He was absolutely separated from the world. There was no sign of worldliness in his home, in his manner of dress, or in anything related to his living. Although he did not do it in a legal way, he lived in an unworldly manner throughout his entire life. He would not observe any festival or celebrate a birthday because to his enlightened understanding these things were worldly.
He kept himself from worldliness not only in his living but also in his work. The way all his publications were designed bore no impression of the world, nor did any of the practices he introduced into the church have any flavor of the world.
Because he dealt with worldliness in such a strict fashion, he was continually kept in the presence of God. His manner of life exercised a strong influence upon all of us who were close to him and upon all the churches in the Lord's recovery which were benefited from his ministry.
The flesh is the worst part of fallen man and always fights against the Spirit of God (Gen. 6:3; Gal. 5:17). Watchman Nee fully realized this and always stood against his flesh and natural temperament in order to maintain an unbroken fellowship with the Lord and remain in the presence of God. His flesh was continually suppressed by simply living in the spirit and behaving according to the inner anointing. By living and behaving in this way, he was continually exercised in prayer for the Lord's deliverance. He feared his flesh and would do nothing according to his flesh, but continually walked according to his spirit that he might not lose God's presence.
It was revealed to Watchman Nee that fallen man is saturated with Satan and can easily become the very embodiment and expression of Satan. This was Peter's experience in Matthew 16:21-23. In following the Lord Watchman Nee continually denied the self (Matt. 16:24) in order to continually enjoy the Lord's presence. He feared the self and condemned it more than any other negative thing. In his daily life, in his work, and in his contact with others, no trace of self could be found. Rather, his behavior and his work always left the impression that he was a person bearing the cross and denying the self. It was by such a living that he maintained the enjoyment of God's presence.
Watchman Nee was fully aware of the self-preference which exists in the fallen nature of man. His conscience would not allow him to have any self-preference in spiritual things or in the Lord's work. He knew that King Saul lost his kingship and throne because of his self-preference (1 Sam. 15:1-28). Realizing that self-preference was more subtle than either sin or worldliness, he frequently touched people's conscience in this matter when speaking to them. He would not tolerate any self-preference to exist between himself and the Lord in order to maintain the presence of God.
Disobedience was another thing Watchman Nee dealt with in order to maintain fellowship in the Lord's presence. His experience was that nothing, not even good and spiritual things, can substitute for obedience. For him to obey the Lord meant to cleave to the Lord's purposed will; it did not mean to take His permissive will as Balaam did (Num. 22:2-35). Anything which deviates from the Lord's purposed will is a form of disobedience. For him disobedience was a veil which would separate him from God's presence. He stressed that for him to receive light and revelation from the Lord he needed an unveiled face. Margaret Barber told him, and he passed it on to his close associates, that a small leaf on a tree can block out the full moon from one's sight. Since he realized that disobedience would cause the loss of God's presence, he made it his purpose to obey the Lord's will and the Lord's revelation at any cost.
In order to keep his fellowship with the Lord untarnished, Watchman Nee learned how to apply the blood of Christ to his situation. He told me that once his conscience was strongly condemning him before God concerning certain things. He could not get through, so he was compelled to seek out Miss Barber for help. After relating his story to her, she said to him, "The blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us" (1 John 1:7). When he told her that he was still under condemnation she repeated to him several times, "The blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us." Eventually, he received light that only the blood of the Lord can keep one's conscience from any kind of condemnation before God. By that fellowship with Miss Barber, he learned that through the cleansing of the Lord's blood it is possible to keep oneself always in the presence of God.
In 1940 while I was attending his training in Shanghai, I heard him confessing sin and applying the Lord's blood in his prayer at the Lord's table. I was greatly impressed with his prayer. This indicated that he relied upon the cleansing of the Lord's blood to maintain a continual practice of God's presence.
Watchman Nee also thoroughly learned the lesson of abiding in the Lord according to the inner anointing (1 John 2:27-28). To him this was vital for the practice of the presence of God. He realized that the inner anointing was the Lord's moving and working within him. To disobey the anointing was to disobey the Lord Himself. Only by obeying the inner anointing could he have the closest and most intimate walk with the Lord. He realized that even a little negligence regarding the inner anointing would keep him away from the presence of God.
By all the above practices, he kept himself continually in the presence of God. No shadow whatsoever was allowed to come between him and God, and his fellowship with the Lord was constantly maintained. It was in this kind of uninterrupted fellowship with the Lord that he continually received heavenly light and spiritual revelation. He greatly treasured God's presence. To him God's presence was life, light, power, and victory. In His presence he enjoyed all the riches of God's provision. It is obvious that he received much help from the book The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. In this matter he was also helped very much by the biography of Hudson Taylor.
