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Watchman Nee endured much suffering for the sake of his ministry. He was absolute in following the Lord and faithful in fulfilling his commission. Because of his faithfulness and absoluteness, he was continually mistreated and underwent many hardships. Because he continually fought the battle for the Lord's recovery, he was continually under attack from the enemy. At the same time, he was also under God's sovereign hand. The sovereign arrangements of God in his environment were also a source of trouble and a means by which God dealt with him. For these two reasons, he lived a life of suffering. For the most part his sufferings came from the following sources:
In the early years of Watchman Nee's ministry, the economic situation in China was very difficult. Still, he was enlightened to the extent that he was able to fulfill the Lord's calling by serving Him entirely by faith. The light he received made it impossible for him to work as an employee for anyone: not for a mission, denomination, so-called church, or individual. Because of what he saw, he was exercised to live purely and singly by faith in God. In those days, this was not an easy way. In that kind of financial situation, he came to learn what poverty was. In the early days of his ministry in Shanghai, there were times when he had nothing to eat but a little bread.
Brother Nee also suffered frequent ill health. He began his ministry before 1923 and was not married until 1934. There was a period of eleven years when he had no wife to help him. During those years he lived by himself. It was during this period that he became afflicted with tuberculosis of the lungs and suffered for several years from this disease.
He was also afflicted with a stomach illness and with a heart ailment called angina pectoris. He was never cured of the heart disease. He told me that a number of times before a conference meeting he was forced to lie on his bed until the time arrived to minister. Only then would he rise up. Immediately after speaking, he would return to bed.
Because of his ill health, Watchman learned how to be greatly dependent upon the Lord. He learned how to live by resurrection life in order to meet his physical needs. Many times he ministered not by physical strength but by resurrection life.
The following excerpts from his open letters in The Christian and in The Present Testimony give a picture of his ill health and the spiritual lessons he learned through it. The following letter is from the December 1927 issue of The Christian, Volume 2, Number 12:
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When this issue reaches you, it will be the end of the year. Looking over the past year, we really thank Him for the way He has blessed us, led us, taught us, supplied us, urged us, healed us, rebuked us, chastened us, and disciplined us. Praise the Lord, Oh my heart! Again considering ourselves in this past year as being so defiled, defeated, head-strong (willful), rebellious, ungracious, unrighteous, lacking, and wrongful, we feel thoroughly discontented with ourselves. How we wish that these dark spots were not part of the history of our life. But wishing is wishing; still we are defeated. What a pity! Nevertheless, knowing our condition only convinces us more that our flesh is incurable and causes us to loudly sing praises to the Lord, for in such defeat He is still so gracious to us. O Lord! How can we forget Your grace?
It seems that my ill health during this past year was known far and wide. In three localities it was even rumored that my earthly tabernacle had been destroyed. For this reason there were increased prayers for me more than ever before. I greatly appreciate those who care for my physical welfare. In the past days my natural strength has been much weakened. Even light activity causes my body to feel its burden. But praise the Lord that this year was still filled with many days of work. Instead of resting and getting rusty, why not labor and trust? The strength of promise in time of need is never decreased. For this fact I cannot but praise the Lord.
The scarcity of fruit, the emptiness of life, the staleness of the spirit, and the weakness of the body are each enough to make me feel ashamed. Actually, I deserve nothing but to be ashamed. That all things work together for good to them that love God is true and trustworthy. In my situation these words again have become so real.
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The following excerpt is from the twelfth issue of The Present Testimony, published in December 1929:
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I believe that from other sources as well as through this magazine you all know that I have been ill. Indeed, since 1926, my body has daily grown weaker. I have been ill time after time, and in addition, I have suffered from lack of rest due to the many responsibilities which are still upon me. My health has been increasingly deteriorating. The writing of The Spiritual Man exhausted my strength, and since completing its writing, I have suffered continual illness even up till now....
Of course, what I have experienced during my illness is most profitable. From the very beginning I prayed that I would gain from this illness what I needed, for I am not willing to be ill for nothing. As I look back over the past year, I can gratefully say that God's treatment is just right; not one single day could be omitted. Many of these experiences cannot be made public, but I fully believe that they are for my personal enrichment and for your gain as well.
Now, through God's unlimited and inexhaustible grace and through your ceaseless prayers, once again I have returned from the gate of death. I look to the Lord that in a time convenient to Him He would bring me to complete recovery. At present I rest and at the same time work. I now present myself once more to God to accomplish His will and to serve His saints.
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From the nineteenth issue of The Present Testimony, published in January—February 1931, the following excerpt is taken:
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My illness during the last two or three years has surely been used by God to test the compassions of many saints. My weakness has become the opportunity for many to love the Lord. When I consider your love and kindness toward me, how grateful I am! When I hear of the many brothers and sisters scattered in different places who, though they have not met me, yet because of our relationship in the Lord, have wept bitterly before Him for my health, I feel that what you have bestowed upon me is so deep while that which I have given you is so shallow. Because of this I cannot help feeling that if I had more life, energy, and time, how much I would like to spend it on the saints.
Though my sickness has been accumulating over many years, it was worsened by writing The Spiritual Man. Thank God, now I am recovering. I am again able to write a few letters, prepare a few articles, lead several Bible study sessions, and attend a few meetings. There are still many other things I could wish to do but cannot do. Still I am thankful to God for what I can do. Those who know the human body say that I have been close to death several times, but thank God He has been keeping me up to this day. I hope that in the days of my sojourning on this earth I may be able to serve Him and you faithfully.
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The following excerpt is taken from the twenty-fifth issue of The Present Testimony, of May—June 1932:
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In the last few months, due to heart disease and other physical illness, my earthly tent is again in danger of collapsing at any moment. Many times I tarry at the fork of the road, not knowing what way to take. Humanly speaking, in many experiences I do not know whether to cry or laugh. But thank the Lord, for the Lord's sake nothing is too difficult and no price is too great. In the eyes of those who trust and obey, a dark, cloudy situation is still a bright and clear sky. Those lines are true: "If there's less of earth-joy, give, Lord, more of heaven. Let the spirit praise Thee, though the heart be riven."
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Opposition from the denominations was a third source of Watchman Nee's suffering. He was an anti-testimony against them, and because of this it caused him much suffering.
The denominations thoroughly despised Watchman Nee, and this caused him a great deal of suffering. He began writing the three volumes of The Spiritual Man at the age of twenty-three. One top theologian in China reacted by saying, "Watchman Nee is just a clever young man who has excelled in reading English books. He has gathered all these things from the books and translated them into Chinese." Sometimes being despised cuts more deeply than being criticized. At that time Hebrews 13:13 was very real and applicable to Watchman and to others as well: "Let us therefore go forth unto Him outside the camp, bearing His reproach." Watchman and those with him fully followed this word to bear the reproach of Christ outside the camp of organized Christianity. That reproach was actually the experience of the cross.
Along with being despised, Watchman was also severely criticized by the denominations. Even though they despised him, Watchman Nee was accomplishing something; when this became evident, they began to publicly criticize him. In his paper, The Christian, published from 1925 through 1927, he strongly exposed the deviation of the denominations from the pure truths of the Scriptures. They could do nothing but criticize him. They put out many writings criticizing his ministry.
On the heels of the criticism came the opposition. Such a ministry to God's people as Watchman Nee's stirred up the opposition of the denominations, and they rose up to oppose him. They opposed him secretly and openly. Some preachers opposed him from their pulpit, publicly warning their congregations against him.
The following excerpts from his open letters in The Present Testimony unveil his attitude toward the opposition. In the twelfth issue, published December 1929, he wrote:
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Beloved brothers, the time of the Lord's coming back is fast approaching. We must be faithful. In the days ahead we may suffer more misunderstanding and more severe opposition; but since we have been destined for this we should remain faithful....Brothers, please continue to remember me in your prayers so that in all my afflictions I may be able to stand fast, faithfully bearing a good testimony for the Lord.
Just a few more miles beloved;And our feet shall ache no more;No more sin, and no more sorrow;Hush thee, Jesus went before;And I hear Him sweetly whispering,"Faint not, fear not, still press on;For it may be ere tomorrow;The long journey will be done."
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In the twenty-sixth issue of July—August 1932, he wrote:
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This issue was completed in the midst of much suffering. I know that Satan and his evil spirits are very busy, for he is aware that the message of The Present Testimony is harmful to him. Therefore, both the message and the one who preaches it are the objects of his attack. For this reason I beg all the brothers in the Lord to supply me with more prayers.
The various temptations, oppressions, misunderstandings, and hardships which come can weaken even the physically strongest one, to say nothing of someone like me whose earthly tabernacle is often being shaken. It is difficult to become a martyr, but it is also difficult to become an apostate. It is difficult to be faithful, but even more difficult to lose chastity. To restrain our lips is indeed painful, but to vindicate ourselves does not bring joy either. An evil name brings sorrow, but a good name does not necessarily bring gladness. We care only to work faithfully, keeping the first love and maintaining a single eye while waiting for the Lord's return. Did not the Lord tell us from the outset that we must bear the cross and encounter sufferings on this earth?
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What follows is from the twenty-ninth issue, published in January—February 1933:
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This surely is a time of temptations; everything is confusing, cold, and harsh. In this hour it is indeed difficult for Christians to stand. But have we not known this for some time from the beginning already? What else can we say?
We walk in solitude and bewilderment; we must either put down our weapons or be raptured. O Lord, which do You think is best?
This is the first issue of this year. We cannot say that there is greater hope, greater courage, or greater interest than last year. On the contrary, there will probably be greater hardships; still we need to go on as usual.
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Opposition came not only from local Christians but also from missionaries. Most of the missionaries opposed Watchman Nee because of his anti-testimony. Since they had sacrificed their countries, their homes, and their careers, and had come to a pagan country to help people be saved and to build their mission churches, they deeply resented his ministry. In the midst of that situation, this young man, a young national who had never been outside of China, rose up and published arguments which attacked the very foundations of their work and the denominational churches they had built. He taught that all denominations were unscriptural and that only one kind of church is scriptural: the church in the locality. He expressed appreciation to the missionaries for bringing the gospel to China, but he strongly protested their bringing the denominations with them and building up their mission churches in division. He said that all the denominational names such as Presbyterian, Baptist, Methodist, Anglican, etc., must be dropped. He put this message in print and spread it all over China. He was strongly convinced that his view was scriptural, and he paid a high price to maintain it.
After he offered a prayer in 1939 in the Keswick Convention that deeply touched the attendants, the chairman, who was also the chairman of the China Inland Mission, talked with Brother Nee. Brother Nee grasped the opportunity, feeling that it was the proper time to fellowship with a leader of one of the best missions that had gone to China. Throughout their fellowship, the chairman of the CIM agreed with him. He told Brother Nee that what the Lord had commissioned him to do in China was exactly the burden of Mr. Hudson Taylor, the founder of the CIM, and that their missionaries in China were wrong in opposing him. Eventually, the chairman of the mission went to China and called the missionaries of the CIM together in Shanghai and told them that they were wrong in opposing the work of Watchman Nee. He told them that what Watchman Nee was doing was exactly what they should be doing. He advised them never to do anything from that day forth to oppose him. But after he left and returned to London, they still kept opposing him.
The denominations opposed him, attacked him, and did their best to destroy his ministry. The following illustration is one example. When Mrs. Nee's aunt was opposing her marriage to Watchman, some denominational Christians collaborated with her to attack him and did their best to damage his ministry. They hated him and launched a full-scale assault against him.
One of the methods his opposers used to attack him was by spreading rumors against him. This is the "evil report" mentioned by Paul in 2 Corinthians 6:8. Rumors are the most subtle and damaging kind of attack. A rumor is nothing but a lie. Some opposers defamed Watchman by spreading rumors and evil reports. While Watchman was single and living in Shanghai, his mother came to stay with him for a period of time. Some spread the rumor that he was living with a woman. What an evil rumor that was!
By 1934 Watchman Nee's ministry was completely rejected by the denominations. He presented his ministry to them; what he received in return was their despising, their criticism, their opposition, their attacks, and their spreading of rumors. He was fully rejected!
When the Lord was on earth, the Judaizers also despised Him, criticized Him, opposed Him, attacked Him, and spread rumors about Him. The same thing was done to the apostles. These are the basic weapons Satan uses against God's economy. He attacked Watchman Nee with the same weapons.
Watchman Nee was also misunderstood and misrepresented. Watchman illustrated this misrepresentation by saying, "The Watchman Nee portrayed by them I would also condemn." Watchman Nee was often presented through the filter of inaccurate information coupled with a suspicious imagination on the part of those who misunderstood him. For this reason people who presented him in this way gave a completely wrong impression concerning him. This also caused him to suffer.
Another source of Brother Nee's sufferings was the brothers and sisters. These sufferings were of a more serious nature than those from the denominations. Sufferings from the denominations came from without, while sufferings from the brothers and sisters came from within. Sufferings coming from within the inner circle afflicted him more than any other kind.
Two years after the church life began to be practiced in Watchman's home town in 1922, he was excommunicated by his co-workers. He was excommunicated because he stood for the truth of the Lord's recovery and protested against the leading co-worker's being ordained by a denominational missionary. Considering his dissent too pronounced, they excommunicated him. Excommunication is a very serious matter, and in this case it was done while he was away on a ministry trip. Most of the believers who met with them sided with him, but the Lord would not allow him to do anything to vindicate himself. That was really a suffering to the natural man.
From the time that Watchman began his work, he was in fellowship with an older sister. She loved the Lord, sought the Lord, and was quite gifted of the Lord. Having gained the respect of Christians from several directions, she began to travel and preach. She became one who continually dissented from Watchman Nee. In January 1934, while he was conducting the third overcomer conference in Shanghai, this sister was in the meetings. When Watchman spoke, she would often shake her head. This was a suffering to him, and this was not the only case. Through the years, in the work and in the churches, this kind of dissension happened to him a number of times.
Among those who worked with Watchman Nee and bore the responsibility with him in the church life, no one approached him in maturity and competency; all the others were immature and incompetent. Fifty years ago in China, Watchman was unique and extraordinary in his knowledge of spiritual things. He went forward much further than all the rest. He saw many things the brothers did not see, and their immaturity and incompetency caused him a great deal of suffering.
The stubbornness of the brothers also caused him to suffer. One day a learned young man came into the meeting of the church in Shanghai and was saved. He intended to go to the United States for further study. However, before leaving China, he desired to be baptized.
Watchman was very clear concerning him and agreed that he should be baptized. But an older co-worker disagreed. His reason was that this young man was too new. He had come to the meetings only once or twice, and he was about to leave for the United States. Such a person should not be baptized. He based his reason upon Watchman's own teaching that nothing should be done in the church life without fellowship, and his fellowship was that this brother should not be baptized. He held stubbornly to this point concerning fellowship and used it to insist that the young man should not be baptized. His concern was that the young man might not be saved. Watchman told him that if to baptize the young man was a mistake, he would bear the full responsibility before the Lord. But still the co-worker stubbornly refused.
In 1933 Watchman began to realize that for the sisters not to pray in the prayer meetings of the church was a great loss. He became convinced that it was proper for the sisters to pray in the meetings. However, the leading ones in the church at that time stubbornly kept the old way. That too grieved him.
Brother Nee also suffered from the brothers' ambition for position. Among the first three brothers to come into the church in Shanghai in the very beginning, one was very ambitious to be a leader. Due to his ambition he caused a great deal of trouble. Eventually, in 1948, after being in the church for twenty years, he left. He began a meeting in his home with a traveling preacher. That traveling preacher later wrote a long article against Watchman Nee. This also caused him to suffer.
That was just one case. A number of Chinese preachers throughout the past fifty years passed through the church life. They came to the meetings expecting to be placed in some position. But Watchman always made it clear that the church was not an organization and that no positions were available. When asked concerning position he would say, "Who would give me a position? There is no position. The church is an organism." Some came and met with the church for a time, expecting to receive some post in the work. Eventually, however, when they discovered that they could not obtain what they were after, they left and became opponents.
Rebellion of the brothers and sisters was another source of suffering to Watchman Nee. A brother co-worker committed immorality. Watchman assisted the church in that co-worker's locality to excommunicate him. He in turn rebelliously attacked Brother Nee. During World War II, after the Japanese army occupied Shanghai, that co-worker sent mail to Watchman of such a nature that if the contents had been disclosed or discovered by the censors it would have caused much trouble. What an evil attack that was!
Through the years a number became rebellious and attacked him. The most serious case centered around his involvement in business and involved the saints in Shanghai in 1942. Most of the brothers and sisters, including the co-workers and elders, rebelled against him and attacked him. This was the greatest cause of suffering to him and forced him to discontinue his ministry for six years. That was a severe and long suffering.
Through all these sufferings, however, he learned the lessons. These sufferings not only assisted him in trusting the Lord; they also worked for him in dealing with his flesh, his self, his soul, and his natural life. In my own personal knowledge of him, the final experience he learned through his sufferings, when his ministry was terminated for six years, was that of the breaking of the outer man. He never passed on mere teachings and doctrines; his messages contained the reality he acquired through the experience of suffering. The experience he acquired through suffering served as a great help to all of us and became a rich heritage to all the churches in the Lord's recovery. This rich heritage was acquired by him at a high price.
His sufferings also helped him to receive revelations from the Lord. Often through a certain kind of suffering, he received a certain kind of revelation. His sufferings often became the Lord's revelation. He was purified, dealt with, torn down, and constituted by the Holy Spirit with the divine life through his sufferings. Through such experience of suffering, he was equipped and positioned to receive the Lord's revelation.
Watchman Nee was arrested in March 1952. He was judged, falsely condemned, and sentenced to fifteen years imprisonment in 1956. He died in confinement on May 30, 1972. There is no way to know what he experienced of the Lord during this long imprisonment. The following eight letters were written at the end of his confinement in his own handwriting and are the only means through which we can see a small glimpse of his suffering, feeling, and expectation during his confinement.
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April 22, 1972Eldest Sister Pin-cheng,
I received your letter of April 7, and found that you had not received my letter, in which I notified you that the things you sent me every time have been received. All the things you mentioned in your letter I have received. I am very grateful to you.
You know my physical condition is chronic, an illness of the organ itself. When it is activated I suffer much, but even when it is latent, it is still present with me. The difference is whether or not it is activated. Summer is here, and although more exposure to the sun can alter a little the color of my skin, it cannot change the illness. However, I maintain my joy, so please do not worry. I hope you will also take care of yourself and be filled with joy in your heart.
I wish you well.
Shu-tsu
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Watchman wrote this letter to his sister-in-law, who was his wife's oldest sister and whom he addressed in the letter as "eldest sister."
This sister lived in Peking and was away from Mrs. Nee for about twenty years. In 1971 Mrs. Nee fell from a stool and broke two ribs. Because of this fall, Mrs. Nee's high blood pressure increased, and this caused her death. Due to this great loss, the eldest sister felt it necessary after Mrs. Nee's death to stay and take care of Watchman and to send him the things he needed. "The things you sent me every time" refers to this.
"When it [the 'chronic ailment'] is activated I suffer much" and "it ['more exposure to the sun'] cannot change the illness" indicate that he was still suffering from his illness.
"However, I maintain my joy" indicates that he was practicing the word of the apostle Paul in Philippians 4:4: "Rejoice in the Lord always." "Be filled with joy in your heart" indicates that he not only rejoiced in the Lord Himself, but also encouraged his sister-in-law to be filled with the joy of the Lord. Both of these words show us that while he was suffering his imprisonment, he trusted in the Lord and had much fellowship with the Lord. He was like the apostle, who, while suffering imprisonment, rejoiced in the Lord and encouraged his readers to also rejoice in the Lord (Phil. 2:17-18). In his letter he did not quote anything from the Scriptures, indicating that he had no freedom to do so. This letter was dated April 22, 1972, thirty-eight days before he passed away. He signed this letter with his name, Shu-tsu, which was commonly used among his relatives.
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May 6, 1972Eldest Sister Pin-cheng,
Tomorrow (May 7) it will be half a year since the death of Sister Hwei. Too many changes have transpired during the past half a year. In reminiscing over the former days, and in perusing and caressing the articles left behind by her, I could not help but grieve and ache in my heart. For over twenty years, I have not been able to take care of her once. This will be a lifelong regret to me. It was all because of me; I owe her so much and have given her so many hardships. My sickness is chronic and has frequent setbacks. As far as my living goes, I try as much as possible to make things simple, so that I would not bother others. In my sickness, I really miss my own relatives and long to be with them. However, I submit to the arrangement placed on my environment. For the past ten days or so, I could not help but have unceasing deep feelings for Sister Hwei.
How is your health? You are always in my remembrance. As an older person, you should take more care of yourself. Are you still thinking about coming to the south? I do not know what to say. I can only wish you well.
Shu-tsu
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In this letter "Sister Hwei" refers to Watchman's wife, Charity, whose Chinese name is Pin-hwei.
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May 16, 1972Eldest Sister Pin-cheng,
Both your letter dated the 6th from Peking and the one dated the 11th from Shanghai have been received. This time when you come, I hope that you can stay longer and have more rest. In my sickness, I do long to be in contact more with my own relatives. Here the mountains are beautiful and the water clear. One thing special about this place is that the children are especially handsome, more so than all the ones I saw in Shanghai. I hope that you can find some rest here.
Sister Hwei's ashes are indeed a problem. When you come, we will discuss this.
I do not have much need. Just bring me an electric flashlight.
I wish you well.
Shu-tsu
May 22, 1972Eldest Sister Pin-cheng,
I have talked with the supervisor concerning the question of my leaving the farm here. He said, "You cannot go to Peking or Shanghai. You can only go to a small place, a village. As long as the verification papers come, the government will deal with the matter according to the set policy. There is no need to discuss this with me."
Therefore, please find for me someone among my relatives whose name I can come under. You can explain to them that I can take care of my living. I hope that they can receive me and that they can ask the commune administration there to issue a certificate saying that I can stay there and that they will accept me.
I hope that someone can be found among my relatives. Ma Hsing-tao is one who may be willing to do it. Please discuss it with him, or with some others.
On Saturday night, I had another relapse. For a few hours, my heart was quivering. Later I took some Diacin and was able to be sustained. On Sunday, I slept the whole day. In my sickness, I deeply long to return to my own relatives and be with them, as a falling leaf returning to its roots. I have lost contact with all of them for over twenty years. Therefore, I can only ask you to help me.
When you come, bring with you one catty of Tai-Chang shredded beef and one catty of dried beef. Because of my angina pectoris, the doctor has told me not to eat egg yolk, fat, or any internal organs, for fear that the illness will worsen. So I can only eat some lean meat. If I do not eat anything, I will not have the supply of amino acid in the protein. This is a problem to me.
I wish you well.
Shu-tsu
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In this letter, Watchman Nee referred to his sickness more than once. Diacin is a tradename of Niacin, a nicotinic acid. Angina pectoris, the chronic illness which he had, is a disease which causes chest pain due to a lack of blood supply to the heart muscles.
"Ma Hsing-tao" is Watchman's nephew-in-law, the husband of his niece who was the daughter of his cousin. During his imprisonment, this nephew-in-law and his wife took care of Mrs. Nee, who had poor health. Both he and his wife were brother and sister in the Lord. Eventually, his wife died, leaving this nephew-in-law to take care of Mrs. Nee alone.
On the same day that the above letter was written, Watchman wrote another letter to this relative (see Letter Five).
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May 22, 1972Nephew-in-law Hsing-tao,
I believe your aunt, while she was alive, must have talked to you about my situation.
You know that my eldest sister is supplying my needs; therefore, my living is no problem. I am old and with much illness, longing very much to be with my relatives. As a falling leaf returning to its root, so I seek a final resting place. I earnestly hope that you could take the responsibility to accomplish this matter for me. In every respect I am depending on you.
Because of the death of your aunt six and a half months ago, all my five internal organs hurt, and it is difficult for me to pass through the days. I hope that you would make every effort to mail the certificate here. When your aunt was alive, she many times mentioned Hwei-yi and her children. I wonder how the children are now? I miss them.
I heard that going to Chekiang may cause a problem with the food coupons. I believe since I eat very little, there will be a solution; so it does not matter.
For more than twenty years we have not corresponded with each other. You are often in my remembrance.
I wish you well.
Shu-tsu
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This letter was written by Watchman to his nephew-in-law.
"Your aunt" refers to Mrs. Nee. "Must have talked to you about my situation," according to the context of the whole letter, apparently refers to Watchman's health and matters involving his release from prison. "My eldest sister" refers to his eldest sister, Mrs. Chen, who lived in Hong Kong. During his imprisonment it was she who sent financial supply to Shanghai for Watchman Nee and his wife. It was because of this that his "living is no problem."
"Longing very much to be with my relatives" indicates that he was expecting to be released from prison and to stay with his nephew-in-law. At that time he considered himself "as a fallen leaf returning to its root," seeking "a final resting place" for the remaining years of his life. "To accomplish this matter for me" indicates that he had requested his nephew-in-law to prepare a resting place for him. "In every respect" concerning this matter he was depending upon that relative.
"Because of the death of your aunt six and a half months ago, all my five internal organs hurt, and it is difficult for me to pass through the days." This shows the deep sorrow he experienced regarding his wife's death and the hardship he suffered from it.
"Make every effort to mail the certificate" may indicate that Watchman desired this relative to send him a certificate certifying their relationship so he could be released from prison.
"Going to Chekiang" indicates that this relative's home was in Chekiang where Watchman intended to go and rest during his remaining years.
"May cause a problem with the food coupons" indicates the possibility of a problem for him to buy food stuff in Chekiang since he would be a stranger there.
This letter was dated May 22, 1972, only eight days before his departure.
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May 25, 1972Eldest Sister Pin-cheng,
Tomorrow, I will be reassigned from Feng-Shu-Ling to Shan-Shia-Pu Farm. When you come, do not buy your ticket for Feng-Shu-Ling. Instead buy your ticket for Shan-Shia-Pu. It is a little further away from Feng-Shu-Ling, at the next station. I have sent you one letter before this one. I do not know if you have received it. I hope to see you soon.
I wish you well.
Shu-tsu
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This letter to his sister-in-law shows that on May 26, he was to be transferred from the farm in Feng-Shu-Ling to another more remote farm in Shan-Shia-Pu, one station away.
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May 26, 1972Hsing-tao,
While in Feng-Shu-Ling I wrote you a letter, hoping you could obtain a certificate for me from the commune administration, which would clearly indicate your desire to receive me and guarantee my living. (You know my eldest sister is supplying my daily needs.) Your attitude should be firm and clear.
[Series of long dashes supplied by Watchman Nee here.]
Today I was transferred from Feng-Shu-Ling to the Convalescent Group at Pai-Yun-Shan. I hope you will try your best to do this and give me a reply. The certificate should be sent directly to Group No. 14, Pai-Yun-Shan Farm. In the salutation it should be the commune administration writing to Pai-Mao-Ling Farm, Kwang-Te County, Anhwei province. But when you mail it, you should address it to Group No. 14, Pai-Yun-Shan Farm, Kwang-Te County, Anhwei province.
I hope very much to go back to my relatives. Please make an effort.
I wish you well,
Shu-tsu
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This is the second letter written by Watchman to the same nephew-in-law. It was dated May 26, 1972, only four days before his death.
"While in Feng-Shu-Ling I wrote you a letter" indicates that the earlier letter was written in Feng-Shu-Ling.
"Address it to Group No. 14, Pai-Yun-Shan Farm, Kwang-Te County, Anhwei province" indicates that Watchman died in the Pai-Yun-Shan Farm, Kwang-Te County, Anhwei province. Pai-Yun-Shan Farm is probably the same as Shan-Shia-Pu mentioned in letter six.
"I hope very much to go back to my relatives" indicates how he desired to be released and go to his relatives. But he died four days later.
In all of the above letters, there is no mention of the name of the Lord or of God. This indicates that he did not have the freedom to do so.
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May 30, 1972Eldest Sister Pin-cheng,
I have been reassigned to Shan-Shia-Pu Group No. 14. It is ten [Chinese] miles away from the station and is separated from it by a mountain. It is very inconvenient for you to come. You do not need to come anymore.
In my sickness, I still remain joyful at heart. Please do not worry. I am still doing my best to not allow myself to be grieved by my own illness.
Pin-hwei's ashes will be left to your care. I am trusting in you for everything. I give my consent to everything.
This letter is short, yet my feelings run deep. I can only wish you well.
Shu-tsu
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This was the last letter of Watchman Nee. It shows that the farm in which he died was quite remote, being ten Chinese miles from the station and separated from the station by a mountain. The fact that he had changed his mind and no longer wanted his sister-in-law to visit him and the fact that he had left the care of his wife's ashes to his sister-in-law, seem to indicate that he had sensed his imminent death. He died the same day.
There is no way to trace the cause of Watchman's death. However, at his departure not one relative, brother, or sister was with him. Humanly speaking, what a miserable and humiliating way to die. There was no proper notification of his death and no funeral. He was cremated on June 1, 1972. Only the eldest sister of Mrs. Nee was informed of his death and cremation on June 1, 1972. It was she who picked up the ashes and gave them to Watchman's nephew-in-law. He in turn buried the ashes with those of Mrs. Nee in his home town of Kwanchao in the county of Haining, Chekiang province.
The following is an account by Brother Nee's grandniece, who accompanied Mrs. Nee's eldest sister at the time when Brother Nee's ashes were picked up:
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In June 1972, we got a notice from the labor farm that my granduncle had passed away. My eldest grandaunt and I rushed to the labor farm. But when we got there, we learned that he had already been cremated. We could only see his ashes....Before his departure, he left a piece of paper under his pillow, which had several lines of big words written in a shaking hand. He wanted to testify to the truth which he had even until his death, with his lifelong experience. That truth is—"Christ is the Son of God who died for the redemption of sinners and resurrected after three days. This is the greatest truth in the universe. I die because of my belief in Christ. Watchman Nee." When the officer of the labor farm showed us this paper, I prayed that the Lord would let me quickly remember it by heart....
My granduncle had passed away. He was faithful until death. With a crown stained with blood, he went to be with the Lord. Although God did not fulfill his last wish, to come out alive to join his wife, the Lord prepared something even better—they were reunited before the Lord.
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Such is the way that Watchman Nee ended his time on this earth. In May 1989, after a period of seventeen years, his ashes and the ashes of Mrs. Nee were both transferred by his two nephews from Chekiang to a public cemetery in Shiangshan in the city of Soochow of Kiangsu province. They were both buried in "The Christian Cemetery" beside Watchman's brother Nee Hwai-tsu and the latter's wife.
Watchman Nee was a man of suffering. Along his pathway of following the Lamb, he suffered. Today as a result of his suffering, we have such a rich heritage in the Lord's recovery. The following two stanzas are the conclusion to Hymn #635 in our hymnal, which is on the suffering of the grapevine. These words, which he helped me arrange into singable verse in Hong Kong in 1950, summarized his entire life.
Not by gain our life is measured,But by what we've lost 'tis scored;'Tis not how much wine is drunken,But how much has been outpoured.For the strength of love e'er standethIn the sacrifice we bear;He who has the greatest suff'ringEver has the most to share.
He who treats himself severelyIs the best for God to gain;He who hurts himself most dearlyMost can comfort those in pain.He who suffering never bearethIs but empty "sounding brass";He who self-life never sparethHas the joys which all surpass.
Watchman Nee realized that life is measured not by gain but by loss and that the one who has suffered the most has the most to share with others. For this reason, he never spared himself, but bore the cross and the fellowship of Christ's suffering, being conformed to His death, in order to live Christ out that others might be nourished and enriched with Him.
