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Through his fellowship with Margaret Barber, Watchman Nee realized from the very beginning that to be a Christian is altogether a matter of life. Miss Barber herself was an excellent example of this principle. She cared for nothing but life. As a seed of life, she was sown into Watchman Nee. From her he learned to live by Christ as his life.
To live by Christ as life, one must see the subjective aspects of Christ's death. Watchman Nee received the revelation that he had been crucified with Christ, that it was no longer he that lived, but Christ that lived in him. He also saw that to experience the death of Christ in a subjective way, he needed to bear the cross. He was crucified with Christ, but he had to remain in Christ's crucifixion. To remain in Christ's crucifixion is to bear the cross, not letting the old man or the flesh leave the cross. He realized that for him to have such an experience, God must sovereignly arrange his environment, making it a practical cross for him to bear. This is exactly what God did. From the very beginning of his ministry, God arranged situations in which he could deny his self by bearing the cross and living by Christ as life.
Throughout the years he was a person under the cross, willing to be opposed, rejected, criticized, and condemned. He would not vindicate himself, excuse himself, reason with people, or explain things in order to reduce his sufferings. He always shunned disclosing things about himself which would let people know what good work he had done for the Lord or what good things he had done for others. He truly lived a crucified life.
In the early years of his ministry, he was excommunicated by his six co-workers. At that time his temperament and his flesh rose up to react to their action, and this inclination was reinforced by the fact that most of the saints who met with them took sides with him. While he was on a trip ministering, letters and cables were sent telling him that he had been excommunicated. At the time he received them, he was restricted from reading them. But while on a boat returning to Foochow, he read the letters and cables and was much provoked. He felt that his six co-workers had unfairly excommunicated him, and he intended to return and vindicate himself. Immediately, however, the Holy Spirit within him made him clear that the Lord would not allow him to vindicate himself, and he was silenced by the Lord. Upon his arrival many brothers and sisters were waiting for him at the pier. They simply could not help telling him how unfairly the six co-workers had dealt with him. They followed him from the pier to his home later that night, and all of their sympathy aroused his temperament, but the Lord strongly forbade him to do anything. Then, as the brothers and sisters crowded around, waiting for a definite word, he told them that the Lord would not allow him to vindicate himself and that he would leave home the next morning for another place in order to stay away from that situation. He asked them to be quiet about it, and this made them all the more disappointed. In that difficult situation he learned a great deal about how to remain in the Lord's death practically and bear the cross in order to live by Christ and for Christ. During that time of suffering, he wrote the following hymn:
While staying in Shanghai as an unmarried person, his mother came to stay with him for a period of time. Rumors circulated that a woman was living with him. Miss Groves, a sister who had previously been a help to him, heard the rumor and came to ask, "Is it true that you have a woman living with you?" He answered, "Yes." Then she rebuked him. Years later when he related this incident to me, I asked, "Why didn't you tell her that that woman was your mother?" He replied, "Miss Groves didn't ask who that woman was." He simply did not like to explain things to people in order to vindicate himself.
Following his marriage, his wife's aunt threatened to take some steps to damage his reputation if he would not come to pay her the courtesy of a visit. This actually stopped him from paying her a visit. If she had not threatened him in such a way, he would have done it. Under such threatening, however, he would not meet her demand. He refused to do anything to reduce the attack of others upon him. He believed that everything was from God's hand and was willing to bear any kind of opposition or attack as a cross, in order to live a crucified life with Christ.
In 1942 in the church in Shanghai, there was a big disturbance concerning him. He did not say a word to vindicate himself; neither did he take any steps to appease the situation or reduce his suffering. Again, he was learning the lesson of the cross, living the crucified life by the Christ who was living in him.
Because of that disturbance he was frustrated from continuing his ministry for six years. During that six-year period of suffering, he did nothing to attempt to recover his ministry, nor did he attempt to start any other kind of work. He remained fully silent, under God's sovereign hand, learning the lessons of the cross. He kept himself fully in the confinement of Christ's death and experienced Christ as his life during that long trial. Following that long dark night of six years, when the day dawned and the Lord came to recover his ministry in 1948 through a revival in Shanghai, he asked us to sing the following hymn on the life of the grapevine. This hymn portrays how the grapevine is continually under certain kinds of hardship and dealing, yet it still continues to bear fruit and to cheer others. Three stanzas of the hymn say:
Yet its wine throughout the winterWarmth and sweetness ever bearsUnto those in coldness shiv'ring,Pressed with sorrow, pain, and cares.Yet without, alone, the grapevineMidst the ice and snow doth stand,Steadfastly its lot enduring,Though 'tis hard to understand.
Winter o'er, the vine preparethFruit again itself to bear;Budding forth and growing branches,Beauteous green again to wear;Never murmuring or complainingFor the winter's sore abuse,Or for all its loss desiringIts fresh off'ring to reduce.
Breathing air, untainted, heavenly,As it lifts its arms on high,Earth's impure, defiled affectionsNe'er the vine may occupy.Facing sacrifice, yet smiling,And while love doth prune once more,Strokes it bears as if it neverSuffered loss and pain before.
(#635, Hymns)
This hymn indicates that Watchman Nee was continually under hardships and dealings in order to produce spiritual fruit for cheering others. After that long winter, he prepared himself to bear fruit, not murmuring or complaining about anyone's abuse nor desiring to reduce his fresh contribution. Yet he was still willing to face any sacrifice by being pruned once more, as if he had never suffered any strokes before.
He told those of us who were his close co-workers that when criticized in our behavior and character, we should not vindicate ourselves, although we must without hesitation contend for the truth.
In Shanghai in 1948 there was a brother in the church who opposed Watchman Nee, because this brother's longstanding ambition for position in the church was not fulfilled. This brother gave financial assistance to a traveling preacher who wrote a long article criticizing and accusing Watchman Nee on a number of counts. The article was widely circulated, but Watchman did nothing to vindicate himself concerning this article.
In 1950 we were both in Hong Kong. One evening after the meeting, two young men standing at the front gate of the meeting hall were distributing flyers criticizing him. These two young men were standing directly in front of us, yet he did not react. He only smiled a little at them and walked away.
During my long association with him, I never once saw him quarrel, dispute, or fight with anyone. One always received the impression that he was following in the footsteps of the Lamb and living under the putting to death of Jesus in order that the life of Jesus might be manifested in him (2 Cor. 4:10).
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A believer may read, study, or expound a teaching concerning the cross, while at the same time not necessarily receive the lesson of the cross or know the way of the cross. When I was being tempered together in the service with my co-workers, the Lord ordered many crosses for me. Many times I felt embarrassed. I would not accept the dealing of the cross and found it difficult to submit. Inwardly, however, I knew that if the cross were ordered by the Lord, it would be the right thing, though it would still be difficult to obey and accept it. While the Lord was on the earth, He learned obedience by the cross which He suffered (Heb. 5:8; Phil. 2:8). How could I be an exception? In the first eight or nine months, when the lesson of the cross began to come, I would not obey. I knew that I should yield without resistance to the cross ordered by the Lord. When I would make up my mind to obey, my determination would last only a short time. When some event would arise where I should obey, I found it difficult to obey and was full of rebellious thoughts. This made me very uneasy.
Once I recognized the cross which the Lord had ordered for me, I found it very beneficial. Among my co-workers, five had been my schoolmates since childhood. Another one came from a different city and was five years older than I. The five always sided with him and opposed me. No matter what I did, they would invariably condemn me. They received the credit for many things I did. Sometimes when they rejected my views, I went to a lonely hill to cry before God. At these times I wrote some hymns on bearing the cross. For the first time I experienced the significance of "the fellowship of His sufferings" (Phil. 3:10). When I could not have fellowship with the world, I could enjoy heavenly fellowship. The first two years after my salvation, I did not know what the cross was. But at this time I was beginning to learn its lesson.
I was always ranked first in my class as well as in my school. I also wanted to be first in serving the Lord. For this reason, when I was made second, I disobeyed. I told God repeatedly that it was too much for me to bear; I was receiving too little honor and authority, and everyone sided with my elder co-worker. But today I worship God and thank Him from the depths of my heart that this all happened to me. It has been the best training. God wished me to learn obedience, so He arranged for me to encounter many difficulties. Eventually, I told Him I was willing to be placed second. When I became willing to yield, the joy I experienced differed from the joy I experienced at the time of my salvation; it was not a broad joy but a deep one. After another eight or nine months, on many occasions I was willing to be broken and did not do what I wished. On my spiritual path I was filled with joy and peace. The Lord submitted to the hand of God, and I was willing to do the same. The Lord, existing in the form of God, did not consider being equal with God a treasure to be grasped, but emptied Himself (Phil. 2:6-7). How dare I rank myself above the Lord? When I first began to learn obedience it was difficult, but as time went on I found it easier and easier. Eventually, I told God that I would choose the cross, accept its breaking, and put aside my own ideas.
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Watchman Nee saw that he had been crucified with Christ and that he had risen with Christ. The resurrected Christ with the fullness of the Spirit had become his life. It was by the resurrection life of the indwelling Christ that he was able to bear the cross and to participate in the fellowship of His sufferings and be conformed to His death. By the resurrection life of Christ, he abandoned the world, forsook his future, denied himself, was freed from sin, overcame besetting sins, subdued Satan's temptations, conquered Satan's evil wiles, and defeated Satan himself. It was also by the resurrection life of Christ that he served the Lord, worked for Him, and carried out His commission. He consistently rejected his natural strength in the Lord's service. He feared the intrusion of himself into the Lord's work. He dared not minister apart from the indwelling Christ. In delivering messages, contacting people, writing articles, corresponding with the saints, and in all trifling things, he acted not by himself but by the resurrected life.
He further saw that the church as the Body of Christ was simply the enlargement, expansion, and expression of the resurrected Christ. His vision that Christ in resurrection was the life and content of the church was unique. He not only ministered by the resurrected Christ, but also ministered the resurrected Christ to the saints for the building up of His Body. He frequently emphasized that anything which is not Christ in resurrection is not the church, and anything not done by the resurrected Christ is something foreign in the Body. He would serve the church with nothing but the resurrected Christ. The more he continued his ministry, the more he ministered the resurrected Christ to the saints and to the churches. The resurrected Christ became not only his life and living, but also his message and ministry. He was one who not only knew resurrection life and who lived and ministered by and with the resurrected Christ; he was also one who bore the cross, participated in His suffering, and was being conformed to His death. I believe it was by living such a resurrected life that he was able to pass through the long martyrdom of twenty years' imprisonment which finally ended in death.
Watchman Nee received a clear vision of what it means to be an overcomer by studying the Scriptures and reading the writings of Jessie Penn-Lewis. He saw the principle in both the Old Testament and the New Testament that whenever God's people failed Him, He called some back to His original standard to overcome the defeated situation and fulfill His purpose. This is emphasized repeatedly by the Lord in the seven epistles to the seven churches in Revelation 2 and 3. He saw that the church was in a defeated condition, and he felt called by the Lord to be an overcomer in this age so that the Lord might recover His original purpose concerning His church. The rich provision of God's sufficient grace enabled him to live such an overcoming life by the power of the resurrected Christ. His overcoming life was the result of living a crucified and resurrected life. By the crucified and resurrected life, he overcame sin, the world, self, self-pity, natural temperament, the flesh, and Satan. By the crucified and resurrected life, he also overcame defeated, degraded, and deviated Christianity with all its forms and traditions. He equally overcame Christianity's criticisms, rejections, oppositions, and persecutions by the crucified and resurrected life. By living such a life, he followed his Master as the Lamb and bore His reproach outside the camp of Christianity in an overcoming way. In living such an overcoming life, he followed in the footsteps of the apostle Paul by filling up what was lacking of the afflictions of Christ for His Body's sake (Col. 1:24). Ultimately, by living such an overcoming life, he became a living witness of Christ, bearing "the testimony of Jesus" (Rev. 1:9) not only in the sin-stricken world but also in Satan-stricken Christianity. The overcoming life which he lived eventually became his testimony of the Lord for His recovery.
The following words by Sister Ruth Lee in her open letter published in the sixth issue of The Present Testimony, dated December 24, 1928, testifies how Watchman Nee labored in his work by living an overcoming life:
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In the last issue's open letter, our brother Watchman Nee told how he completed the work on that issue even though he was being stretched out in different ways. In spite of the situation he was in, he proceeded to prepare the current issue of The Present Testimony for publication. This period of our brother's life has been filled with fierce conflicts and perilous fightings. While writing The Spiritual Man, his days were spent in the crevices of Satan's teeth. Since its completion Satan has been fighting even more with all the power of hell, attempting to completely wipe our brother out and make void the testimony of his book. This kind of warfare has occupied us and made us inactive for many days. These have been days of chanting lamentations. But at this very hazardous moment, our loving Father, our victorious Savior, has led our brother to the ascended position in the heavenlies to overcome Satan's fierce attack. With tears of joy we thank the Lord today that He has enabled us to put out this issue of The Present Testimony in His victory.
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Watchman Nee lived an overcoming life, worked by such a life, and ministered such a life to the saints and to the churches. One of the burdens of his ministry was to hold a number of overcomer conferences. The goal of the messages given in these conferences was to sound the call for overcomers. His intention was to help the saints to become overcomers in this age for the recovery of the Lord's testimony by living an overcoming life, which is the living of a crucified and resurrected life.
All through the years of his life and ministry, Watchman Nee so cleaved to the crucified and resurrected Christ that he lived in the reality of an overcoming life. In the final period of his life, to all appearances he was taken away from his ministry by a change in the political situation. Actually, however, he was sovereignly put into an environment which afforded him a long period of twenty years to live an overcoming life. He did live such a life, overcoming even unto death. This is a strong testimony of the Lord, not only to us who are his followers, but also to all the children of God in this age.
