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First Timothy 1:5 says, “The end of the charge is love out of a pure heart and out of a good conscience and out of unfeigned faith.” Verse 19 continues, “Holding faith and a good conscience, concerning which some, thrusting these away, have become shipwrecked regarding the faith.” Second Timothy 1:3 also says, “I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers in a pure conscience.” Ephesians 4:19-20 mentions, “Who, being past feeling [conscience], have given themselves over to lasciviousness to work all uncleanness in greediness. But you did not so learn Christ.” All these verses show us the importance of the conscience. After man’s fall God ordained that man should be governed by his conscience. Hence, if man is in a normal condition, he will take care of the feeling in his conscience. However, fallen man neither pays attention to the feeling of his conscience nor is ruled by his conscience; instead, he gives himself over to lasciviousness.
After a person is saved, he has Christ’s life within him. If he wants to advance in Christ’s life, however, he must deal with his conscience thoroughly. If a Christian’s conscience has some offense, he will not be able to have any progress in any matter. This kind of speaking may be too heavy for some people. They may think that these four matters—a thorough confession of sins before God, a careful dealing with sins before men, a complete dealing with the conscience, and an absolute consecration to God—are too difficult and seem to contradict the word of grace. On the one hand, we are told that everything depends on the grace of God and the acts of God and that we are not required to do anything; on the other hand, we are told that we must thoroughly confess, deal with our sins, and consecrate ourselves to God. It seems that these two aspects are in conflict with one another, causing man not to know what to do. The word of grace is pleasant to the ears, full of supply, and very soothing, whereas the word of dealing seems to be too heavy, almost cruel, too hard for man to take, and beyond what man can do. Hence, man faces such a dilemma.
In fact, the grace of God does not weaken man but strengthens man. The fact that a Christian does not thoroughly confess his sins before God or completely deal with his sins before men proves that he lacks grace. A car that does not start is either broken down or short of gas. When a car is in good condition and has enough gas, certainly it will run properly. In the same way, if a Christian does not thoroughly confess his sins before God or deal with his sins before men, this proves that he is short of grace. If a Christian does not deal with his conscience properly or consecrate himself to God absolutely, this also proves that he is short of God’s grace. The demand of God and the grace of God are not incompatible with one another; rather, they are complementary to one another.
There are many laws in the natural world that have two sides that are seemingly contradictory. Those who have studied physics should know that in this universe there are two different forces: centripetal force and centrifugal force. The reason why many things do not fall to the ground is that both centripetal force and centrifugal force are functioning together. A lamp is another example. To illuminate, a lamp requires two electrical wires; a single wire does not work. Another example is that in the universe there is not only rainwater but also sunlight. The rainwater supplies, whereas the sunlight consumes. Only when both the sunlight and the rainwater work together are all things able to grow. If the plants receive only the shining of the sun from the beginning to the end of the year, yet do not receive the watering of the rain, they will have no way to grow. Conversely, if there is only the watering of the rain without the shining of the sun, the plants will not be able to grow. Moreover, we also know that there are both night and day so that all things can work and rest in a perfect order. In the same way, a person’s growth also hinges on both supply and consumption. All doctors exhort people to eat and to exercise. Eating is for the supply, while exercising is for the consumption. The spiritual life follows the same principle.
If a Christian only receives God’s grace and love without fulfilling God’s demand, he definitely will not grow well. The more a Christian receives God’s grace and fulfills God’s demand, the better and faster he will grow. A proper Christian should be a person who, on the one hand, receives God’s grace and love while, on the other hand, strictly and absolutely fulfills God’s demand. When God asks him to deal with his sins, a proper Christian will unreservedly deal with them. When God asks him to confess his sins, he will confess them without reasoning. When God asks him to consecrate himself, he will completely consecrate himself to God. When God asks him to deal with his conscience, he will thoroughly deal with his conscience. A proper Christian is neither careless nor does he do things in an incomplete way; rather, he thoroughly deals with his conscience. All the experienced ones can testify that when a person has received grace before God, he will definitely confess and deal with his sins, consecrate himself to God, and deal with his conscience.
A person who confesses and deals with his sins, consecrates himself to God, and deals with his conscience will certainly receive more grace. If we exercise enough, we surely will love eating and will eat well. In the same way, the more strictly we fulfill God’s demand, the stronger His grace will be within us. Seemingly, the two are contradictory to one another, but in fact they are complementary. Without the grace of God we have no way to fulfill all these demands, and if we do not fulfill the demands, we will not receive more grace. I hope that we would not misunderstand or misinterpret these words and think that there is no way for us to fulfill them. By the grace of God, we are able to fulfill God’s demand; by the grace of God, we are able to deal with all sins.
In my personal Christian life, I once had an unforgettable experience related to dealing with sins. This experience testifies how great the grace of God is, because it was the grace of God from within that supported my entire being. Only when I dealt with my sins did I see how immense the grace of God really is. For my whole life I will not forget this experience. The experience came six or seven years after my salvation, and it was the first time I truly dealt with my sins. At that time the Lord worked in me and revived me, causing me to pray all the time, to serve zealously, and to have a feeling to deal with sins thoroughly. One day the Lord enlightened me and reminded me of an incident that took place in my youth when I was working for a particular organization. The building of this organization had caught on fire, and everyone tried his best to steal things from the company. I also took two small things. The first thing was a very pretty ink box, made of porcelain, for writing Chinese calligraphy. I put it into my pocket when I was helping to pack the things of the company. The other item was a clothes brush, a Western product, which looked very nice. I put the ink box in my study, and all of my friends would admire it when they saw it. In addition, being able to use the Western brush to brush my clothes when I was getting dressed was very convenient. After I was saved, I did not notice any problem right away; I had only a small feeling that these two things were of a questionable origin. Then six or seven years later the Lord’s grace reached me, and I realized that I had to thoroughly deal with the sin of stealing the ink box and the small brush. I could not read the Bible while looking at the stolen ink box. In addition, the bristles on the small brush were gone after being used for six or seven years.
The need to deal with stealing these two items gave me two problems. The first problem was that the son of my former boss had been my classmate, and I knew him very well. How could I go and confess to him? I found this really hard to do. Another problem was that the bristles on the brush were already gone, so how could I return it to him? For several days and nights I could hardly sleep because I felt that I could not go. I struggled for one or two weeks, and the more I struggled, the harder it became. Then I asked God to give me the courage. At that time my boss had already died, so I thought I should pay for the two items instead of returning them. After I planned everything out, I went to my classmate’s home one Lord’s Day afternoon. I had everything prepared. It was at the end of the year, and he happened to be at home. When he saw me, he said, “I have not seen you for a long time.” At that moment my face turned red, and I said to him, “I have come to ask for your forgiveness. That year when your company caught fire, I took advantage of the situation and stole this ink box from the office.” He said, “That is nothing! This kind of small thing does not matter.” I continued, “And a small brush too! But it has already worn out, so I want to pay you back this amount of money.” He replied, “Do not worry about it! They are just small things.” I asked him to understand me. Seeing how sincere I was, he really had no way to reject me. Then he asked me, “What do you have in your hand?” At that time the government did not allow the general public to print any calendars that included both the lunar and solar years, but there was a Catholic organization that published many calendars like this. This organization was established by Westerners, and the government did not interfere with their activities. Every year this organization would send some calendars to the company where I worked. All the employees in the company who were of comparatively higher positions would be given one. When my boss’s son asked me what I had in my hand, I told him that I had a calendar with both the lunar and solar years in it. Then he said, “That is good! Give me the calendar and keep your money. The calendar will be the replacement for the items you stole.” Of course, on the one hand, I was joyful, but on the other hand, I was sorrowful.
Although I had dealt with the sin, he had been unwilling to receive the money, and this troubled me. On my way home I prayed, “O Lord, what should I do with the money?” Then inwardly I had an idea: “I should give this money to a beggar, not to a common beggar but to a special one—someone who was affected by the war going on in the suburbs.” When I got home, it was already evening. Someone knocked at the door, and I went to answer. The person at the door said, “Sir, please have mercy on me!” I looked at him and saw that he was a beggar. He continued, “I have not eaten anything all day.” I immediately asked him to come in and gave him Chinese buns, some water, and some small dishes of food. After he finished eating, I gave him some more buns. He said in an embarrassed way, “You are a kind-hearted man.” I told him, “No, I am not kind. Jesus has prepared some money for you. Just take it.” Then I saw him off, and when we reached the crossroad, he bowed to me sincerely and left. On my way home I met an elderly brother. He insisted on giving me a calendar. When I got home and looked at the calendar, I found that it contained both the lunar and solar years. I said to the Lord, “O Lord, how fearful and awesome You are! You have prepared both a beggar and such a calendar for me. Surely I have received special grace from You.”
When we are dealing with our sins, we have the presence of the Lord, and after we have dealt with our sins, we know more of the Lord. To deal with our sins and our conscience in such a way is not something of law but of grace. The more we know and experience grace, the more we will deal with our sins, and the more we receive grace, the more we will grow. I hope that all of us would become matured Christians, not “half-cooked” ones. This is something done not under the law but with the supply of grace. The more dealings we have, the more we are sanctified.
In the beginning man fell from the face of God to the conscience and then from the conscience to human government. Hence, there are three things that rule over man: first, God; second, the conscience; and third, man himself. Those who live before God are the highest category of people. Those who live according to their conscience are not in the highest category of people, but they are comparatively good people. Those who live under man’s ruling are in the lowest category of people—they do not obey their conscience and do not live before God but dare to do anything. There are only a few people who live before God; the majority of people live before men. Husbands are afraid of being caught by their wives, while the wives are afraid of being caught by their husbands. Children are afraid of being caught by their parents, while the parents are afraid of being caught by their children. Doctors are afraid of being caught by the nurses, while the nurses are afraid of being caught by the doctors. Everyone is afraid of being caught by another. Whenever there is no one ruling us, we can do all kinds of immoral things. All those people who are merely afraid of man—the police, the judge, or the military police—are the lowest and most fallen people. They fear only the eyes of man but not God Himself. Christians today live before men more than they live according to their conscience. Those who live before God are ruled by God, those who live according to their conscience are ruled by their conscience, and those who live before men are ruled by man. These three ways of living—living before God, living according to one’s conscience, and living before man—are called God’s rule, self-rule, and man’s rule, respectively.
When we were saved, God saved us from living under man’s rule. Before we were saved, as long as other people—our husbands, our wives, our teachers, or our supervisors—could not see us, we would do all kinds of filthy things for our own interests. But one day the Lord saved us from sin and evil. In addition, He also saved and delivered us from living merely under man’s rule. Now, if we are children, we do not violate our family rules, and as ordinary people, we definitely are law-abiding people. Why is this? It is because we are saved, and whatever our conscience does not allow us to do, we absolutely would not do. If this is not our experience, how can we say that we are the saved ones? Although we may be saved, sometimes we are like unsaved ones—those of us who are students still do lawless things behind our teachers’ backs, and those of us who are wives still tell lies to our children and to our husbands. A Christian who wants to live before God should experience God’s salvation at least to the extent that he lives according to his conscience.
This way is very basic. Man’s fall into being under the ruling of the conscience is one small station. Following this, man fell further into being under the ruling of man. Whatever is forbidden by the conscience is actually forbidden by God, and whatever is not pleasing to the conscience is not pleasing to God. Whatever is condemned by the conscience is condemned by God, and whatever is censured by the conscience is, in fact, censured by God. After a Christian is saved, if he does not listen to his conscience nor fulfill the demands of his conscience, he will disobey God, lie to God, and have no way to receive God’s grace. For the sake of the new believers, I have to say that this does not mean that he is not saved. He is definitely saved, but because he does not listen to God’s word, he is not overcoming. Thus, we have to carefully obey our conscience to deal with all the things that are condemned, censured, or forbidden by it.
I am afraid that many children of God among us have a conscience that is full of offenses and leaks. For some, the conscience may be like a bucket with holes leaking out all the water that is put into it. Although we have heard many messages, when the messages pass through us, they all leak out of us. We seem to be touched and enlightened when we read the Bible, but all these things leak out of us, and we become like a car that has run out of gas. First Timothy 1:19 says that if we thrust away our good conscience, we become shipwrecked. Today many Christians have no progress in life because they do not thoroughly deal with their conscience. If they do not pay attention to this point, they will have no way to go on. However, the wonderful thing is that whenever we thoroughly deal with our conscience, we come to God. Once we come under the ruling of our conscience, we are immediately delivered from living under man’s rule, and we live before God.
Some people may ask, What does it mean to live before God? To live before God means that we receive leading and ruling directly from God. One time I met a sister who was very mature in the Lord. She had lived in Nanking for almost thirty years. At the end of the lunar year she wanted to buy something, not because she was following the world’s custom but because she had a need. She calculated that she would need a total of one hundred and twenty Chinese yuan. Since she was serving the Lord full time without receiving any salary, she did not always have money in her hand. Then she prayed before God, “O God, I am Your maidservant, and now I tell You my problem. I do not want help from man, but if You do not give me this one hundred and twenty yuan, this will put You to shame.” Shortly after this, a co-worker who lived a few provinces away from her suddenly had the feeling that this elderly sister from Nanking was in need of money. The amount that came to his mind was exactly one hundred and twenty Chinese yuan. This is a real story. He realized that the lunar new year was approaching and that if he remitted the money to her, it would arrive too late. So he sent a telegram to her. When the sister received the telegram, the amount was exactly the same as she had requested of the Lord. This is not a matter of the conscience but a matter of living before God.
The conscience deals with right and wrong. The conscience is not necessarily God’s speaking to us directly, but it is His speaking to us through our conscience. When this sister prayed, how could a co-worker who lived a few provinces away know that she needed one hundred and twenty Chinese yuan? This was the result of living before God and fellowshipping with God. This co-worker was one who thoroughly dealt with his conscience and lived before God. When he was fellowshipping with God, God spoke to him directly and gave him the leading. We have to see this one thing: A person who is delivered from man’s rule, lives according to his conscience, has fellowship with God, and lives directly before God transcends right and wrong. If people would come to him to present a case, he would not deal with it based merely on right and wrong; rather, he would make his judgment before God Himself. We have to know that many people may be right according to right and wrong, but nevertheless they may be wrong before God. To know this requires the feeling of our spirit.
For example, one day two quarreling brothers came to me. If I was one who was saved merely to the point of living according to my conscience, I would speak to them according to the sense of right and wrong in my conscience, saying, “Brother Huang, you are wrong,” or “Brother Sun, you are wrong.” But if I am one who is learning to live before God and learning to know and deal with my conscience, I will go deeper than the feeling of my conscience and judge according to my spirit, living absolutely before God. In terms of right and wrong, it may be that Brother Huang was wrong and Brother Sun was right; however, in terms of having a proper spirit, it may be that Brother Huang was right because his spirit before God was right. Someone may be wrong in terms of right and wrong, but his spirit is right before God. Conversely, someone may be right in terms of right and wrong, but his spirit is wrong before God.
You may say that this is very complicated and wonder how a person can be wrong related to right and wrong yet right related to the spirit. For instance, we always encounter situations where the husband and wife quarrel with one another. One day a sister came to me and said, “Brother, when my husband, your brother, is happy, he rises at three o’clock in the morning to pray and read the Bible. After he has been filled with the Holy Spirit, he goes out to preach the gospel. I cook for him, but he does not eat because he says that he has to fast and pray. You see, this is your brother. He is too much. You have to deal with him.” All the reasons in the whole universe seem to be on the sisters’ side; sisters are always right. It is true that the brother was wrong, but this sister was unkind. In terms of right and wrong she was right, but before God she was wrong. Even though she was right, since her person was wrong, she was totally wrong.
One time another sister came with her child to oppose her husband. They came to see me and said, “Brother Lee, when my child has to buy books, my husband does not give me the money, and when I have to buy food, he does not give me the money either. All he does is preach the gospel and does not care for anything else. Whether he rises early or late, all he does is pray.” This sister came to demand an explanation from me, and her child also asked, “Is my father right in doing such a thing? We really cannot take it.” I had nothing to say to the sister. At that moment the brother came. Then the sister said to me, “Brother Lee, now you can ask him yourself whether or not this is the real situation.” The brother just stood there speechless. He was being questioned like a criminal. His wife was acting like she was even higher than a judge, and the child was standing there watching them. All that I could do was to weep with the brother. In terms of right and wrong, the wife may have been right; however, in terms of their persons, the brother was the one who was still right. Although the wife had been saved, her flesh was very strong. What she said was right, but her person was wrong.
If we want to live before God, we have to deal with our sins carefully. There was a wife who was very gentle. One time she came to see me, without showing me that she was angry. She said that she wanted to have some fellowship with me. She told me that her husband prayed all the time and would not come home until midnight. While she was telling me this, she was very mild and did not show her anger at all. If we had not learned the matter of the conscience, we would easily have gone along with what she said. Seeing her good attitude and gentle manner, it would be easy to think that she must be one who has much learning in the Lord; actually, she was accusing her husband. Those who have some learning before the Lord would know that what they have heard is just the surface. Many times when we are before our conscience and before God, we have a feeling that goes deeper than right and wrong. Wherever the light shines, there is God’s reigning, and there is also God’s life. If man does not receive God’s shining to live according to his conscience, it will be hard for him to learn to know life. Moreover, one day we all have to progress beyond living by our conscience and tell God, “O God, I do not want to live merely according to my conscience; I want to live before You.”
