In this meeting we need four brothers who will represent all the attendants and tell us three things: First, what real help have you received from the Perfecting Messages? Second, in what aspect has your Christian life been improved by these messages? Third, what kind of further help do you need, if anything?
First brother: To be honest I would say that the change in my life in the last ten months has been as significant as when I first came into the Lord’s recovery. During these last ten months, something has definitely happened to me, and I really feel that it is directly related to the Perfecting Training. When we began the Perfecting Training in January, we were in the midst of building our meeting hall, and the Lord was so faithful that I should experience an environment where He could definitely and directly touch me. When we were on the matter of opinion, I was also experiencing being full of opinion concerning the meeting hall. Those were not easy months, probably because of me. I was totally unaware of how opinionated I am until we had those meetings. In many meetings it was difficult for me to look up because the Lord was touching me directly, and it was hard. The light was there. Outside the meetings I had a corresponding experience with the brothers while we were building the meeting hall. When definite decisions had to be made, my whole inner being many times just got exposed. The Lord was faithful in those months, and I would say that the basic help I got was to see my real situation. I would say that I was a blind person. Eventually, I went to the brothers, telling them that I was blind and that I needed help. I really needed to be opened up more. I need what is being shared in the meetings. I need mercy. I do not think I ever had such a sensation before we began to have these Perfecting Meetings.
Concerning the improvement in my Christian life, I would say that because of these Perfecting Meetings, I have gone to the Lord in a definite way, and the Lord has really touched the way I was living. I would say that the Lord has shown me that I was simply living in myself a lot. When I would have an opinion, I felt that it was simply living in myself a lot. When I would have an opinion, I felt that it was the right opinion. And even though many times I realized I had to drop it, it took the Lord some time. But in these last months something in me has been more opened up just to want the Lord. I really do not want to be stuck or closed.
Finally, I feel that what the Lord has been speaking to me is that I need the Body. The more we have talked about living Christ, the more I feel a need for the corporate side. I need more building up. The more I open to Christ to live Christ, the more I see the need for the Body and for the brothers. Many times in these months I have experienced that there is no way to get through, even on these matters of living Christ, without going to the Body. I have more consciousness not only of my need for the Body but also of how much the Lord has a need. I never before realized how much we can be in a routine, how we can go through so many things, even having a pleasant and comfortable church life. Although we are happy here, still the Lord needs something. I feel as if I am in the middle of a change. I would not say that I have by any means arrived, but something has been put into me to pursue. I feel that the Philippians training was a kind of concentrated dose of what we had been receiving in the Perfecting Training, and it opened my eyes even more to the matter of culture. Through some circumstances and certain situations, I realized how much I am living in my upbringing, my background, and how easy it is to stay there. It is good, it is upright, it is proper, but it is not Christ. I also saw a brother at that time who was very similar to me, but who is no longer in the recovery simply because he would not drop his culture, his good opinion, his right way. His leaving shocked me. This helped wake me up to see that if the Lord does not get through, we are in serious trouble. I could be here many years in the church life, apparently so good, apparently doing fine, but inwardly my constitution is not really Christ. This is a serious problem. I would say that my desperation since that time has definitely increased; if there is any kind of change in me, it may be a change in desperation. Within me has been a kind of cry, “Lord, get through in me. For Your Body’s sake, get through in me. For Your recovery on this earth, for what You are doing, get through in me.” I realize that the Lord has so much that He desires, that He is after, but if I am not living Him, what can He do, and where can He go? If we in the Lord’s recovery are not in this kind of way, what can He do?
Second brother: Before we started the Perfecting Training, I remember thinking that I was doing better than I had ever been doing before. Then right away in the first meeting you shared with us that you realized something among us needed to be operated on. I was very surprised at this. I had a kind of feeling that everything was all right until I came to the Perfecting Training. Then I gradually began to realize that everything was not all right, but that there were problems with many things. These times of sharing concerning culture and opinion and habitual living have caused me to go to the Lord in a way of genuinely opening to the Lord that He would have mercy upon me. I would say that the main help I have gotten from the Perfecting Training is a kind of awakening spiritually to realize how much genuine experience of Christ I do not have. I cannot believe that I was so blind before, thinking that I had so much when I had so little. I would say that these meetings have given me a real awakening and awareness and also a real desperation that I would be one who lives Christ, that I would not be caught by so many things. This has become practical to the point that many times the Lord comes to me in my daily living and points out things that are my habitual living or that are my opinions. So I have an awareness and even a pressure arising from within that will not let me get by with simply living myself in such an easy manner.
As far as what change I have experienced in my Christian living, I would just say that this kind of desperation has produced in me more of a willingness to go along with the Lord. It has caused me to see how short my real consecration to the Lord is, and it has given me a willingness to go along with the Lord. I cannot say that I go along with the Lord so much; many times I see that I just choose myself; I love myself; I love my habit. But there is an increasing desperation that makes me go along with the Lord more and to go to the Lord more.
As to the further help I need, I do feel a real need that something within needs to be broken down or shined upon. I do not know what it is, but I feel a real need not simply to live Christ myself but to be able to flow and to be so genuinely open and free with other brothers. I feel a real blockage within me. This may be something purely personal, but I feel a real need to be genuinely and freely open to flow, to fellowship, to be mingled with the brothers, and I would say even with people in general, even the unsaved. I feel a real lack in this way. I would say this would be the further help I would ask for.
Third brother: I would say the thing that has helped me most is to see that I do not live Christ. Even I do not have the desire to seek to live Christ. I can honestly say that when every subject was brought up, I was wide open, and I received it as light and as help. When the matter of culture was shared, I realized that my whole being was culture. When peculiarity was shared, I felt that I am just peculiar. Truthfully, I can say that if you take these items away—culture, habit, and peculiarity—there is not much left of me. I feel that this is really the case. As to the change I have experienced, there are some practices. I go to the Lord more often during the day. I notice that I relate to brothers in more of a relaxed way. There is not a tenseness that things must be according to what I feel is the right way. I am more relaxed. And perhaps there is some dealing with my peculiarity. But I feel that it is simply a small outward change. There is not much of an inward fundamental change. The help that I would like to get is a fundamental change. Sometimes the lid on a jar will not come off although it may move a little bit. I would like to get the help to completely take the lid off. I do not know what form it may come in, but I am open to the help. I feel that corporately we must take the step. Personally I am willing to take this step for a fundamental change. I cannot say why, but I still feel unsatisfied. I would like to get the lid open.
Fourth brother: For me to share how the Perfecting Meetings have helped me, I need to share a little of my history as a Christian and in the church. For a good number of years in the recovery I had a great deal of confidence in my experience of Christ. I felt that I was enjoying the Lord and that I could go on with the Lord in a strong way. I do not think that I was ever fully pleased with my Christian life, but I felt very confident in it, and I felt that I was growing into the proper Christian life and church life. But as I went on, things began to happen, and I began to have the experience of more frustration and to have a sense that I was letting the Lord down, letting the brothers down, and not really going on in an adequate way. As time went on, I felt that it was getting harder and harder to live Christ. Eventually, I felt that I simply could not live Christ.
A few years ago a brother asked me whether we should worry if we are not in the Lord’s presence in our daily life. At that point I thought it was impossible, and I even told him that I did not feel I could really be in the Lord’s presence during my daily life. I just felt so frustrated. In the meetings I would hear a word, and I would realize that I should experience Christ in my daily life, but the more I tried, the more I was frustrated. Eventually, I despaired in this matter of living Christ. I enjoyed the church life to a certain extent, but it seemed that there was a problem with a kind of double standard. I lived a certain kind of life during the day, but when I got together with the saints, I turned to the spirit. This made things very difficult. Although my church life in the past few years has improved greatly, I still have this problem, and I really have thought that it could not be resolved. I felt that I knew the ropes, and I had gone to the limit of my experience, and now I was simply going to hang on and hope for the Lord’s coming. This was basically my situation when the Perfecting Training started. Every time Brother Lee brought up the matter of living Christ, although I wanted to be open to the ministry and trust the ministry as much as I could, I felt as though I had tried this before. I felt frustrated. I knew that I could enjoy the Lord with the brothers, but I did not see a way to live Christ in my daily life. I knew that I was not living Christ in my daily life, but who was? So basically I had to reconcile these two sides and still go on in the church life. I felt that I could not live Christ, but maybe a few others could. Then the Perfecting Training began, and Brother Lee once more brought out the matter of living Christ. I just could not see any way. Then he began to point out all the shortcomings—the peculiarities, the opinions—and it was torture to me because everything he said was exactly my case. All my shortcomings were brought out, and I began to despair. I had thought I was doing pretty well, but then I found out I was doing terribly. What would I say at the judgment seat of Christ? My idea of the condition of my Christian life had been destroyed. I had thought I was doing well, but I was not. I did not know how to get out of this.
Then, of course, Brother Lee began to share on the positive side of living Christ, and by the second or third meeting, I finally was convinced that it was possible to live Christ. It seemed as if the heavens opened to me. I was not sure that I could do it, but at least I finally realized that this was something we should do and something we should aspire to. I was overjoyed because even if I failed, at least this was something to aspire to. This was the biggest help I have received—that God does want us to live Christ, that my Christian life is not adequate, and that I need to aspire to live Christ.
As to my practice, as the weeks went on, I became more and more encouraged about living Christ, and I really feel that this has made a difference. If I were discouraged and did not think that I could live Christ, I would not even try. To my surprise, as I began to open to the Lord, I began to have experiences of the Lord that I had not had for years. My confidence in experiencing Christ began to grow. I would say that my daily life has changed drastically. I am not saying, of course, that I have arrived. Some days are glorious, and other days I forget all about living Christ. But I think that the Lord has restored the heart in me to live Christ. As far as how to go on, I just need more encouragement. Because I have so many habits of not living Christ and of doing other things and of being preoccupied with so many other things, I feel that I need more encouragement to live Christ.
Very good. This is quite helpful to me. In the past months we have covered a number of negative things: culture, opinion, peculiarity, Christianity traps, and habit. Do not think that we have covered all the negative things. There are still some very negative, deeper, more damaging, and more subtle things that we have not covered. The five or six items that we have covered already are somewhat adequate, yet they are still so shallow. They are still mostly outside of you. Your being has not been touched yet. What are the deeper, more subtle, negative things? If you check with the experiences of Christians today, you may realize that very, very few Christians live Christ. It may be that a good number, at least among us, are desiring and have such an aspiration to live Christ. They have practiced this to some extent, and to some extent they may consider that they have had some success. Actually, though, if you get into the matter, you will realize that they still do not have much experience of Christ.
Let me illustrate it in this way. Almost every Christian is a kind of manager of Christ. I do not use the words control or rule over but the word manage. Every Christian is a boss. Christ is not the boss; you are. If you are a worldly Christian, you would always direct Christ to go your worldly way. Even the sinful Christians would somewhat direct Christ to go their sinful way. When you criticize other brothers and sisters, you would direct Christ to go your way. Even the best Christians direct Christ to go their way. You may be reading the Bible, praying so much, loving to fellowship, but in all this, you are the boss. You direct Christ to take your way in reading the Bible; you direct Christ to take your way in prayer.
By seeing the situation and experiencing this matter, I realize that very few Christians let Christ live. You say that you live Christ. I would say this is correct: you live Christ. It is not Christ living but you. You live Christ in directing Christ to take your way. When you are worldly and sinful, you dare not say that you are living Christ. But when you are reading the Bible, when you are praying, when you are fellowshipping, when you are walking in the spirit, when you are living Christ, you dare to say that you live Christ. That is right; you live Christ. It is you who are living Christ. And you have to realize that the more success you have in living Christ, the more you live Christ. Eventually, it is not Christ who lives Himself but you who live Christ. Paul said that he had been crucified, and that it was no more he who lived but Christ (Gal. 2:20). You have been crucified, yet still you are here living Christ. You are the boss, and Christ is the employee. You are the employer, and He is the employee to help you accomplish the employer’s business, that is, to live Christ. You live Christ. You have to realize that this is altogether a subtle matter.
Before a person has surgery, the situation must be thoroughly cleansed in order to get rid of the germs. All kinds of germs are there. Every direction you turn, there are more germs. This is a good illustration of our problem today. We are persons of problems. We turn away from worldliness; that is very good, but we turn to some other problems. Then when we turn away from those problems, we turn to yet other problems. Some problems are always awaiting you. Even the best Christians still exercise a strong self. Years ago I heard people talk in a somewhat arguing tone that it is self, but it is the “holy” self. They said that it is a kind of sanctified self, a spiritual self, a heavenly self. Of course, they dared not say that it is a divine self, but they were bold to say that it is a holy, spiritual, heavenly self. Why did they argue in this way? Because they did not apparently do anything worldly, sinful, or fleshly. Every day the Bible was in their hands, and they really prayed unceasingly. But they always directed the Lord. The Lord was their slave, and they were the master.
By the end of last year I began to realize that we need a kind of training not to pass on more knowledge to you but to unload you in this matter and in that matter. In the past nine months we have unloaded many things. We have unloaded your culture, your opinion, your peculiarity, your treasured traps, and your habitual living. You have yet many more things that need to be unloaded. What is the main purpose of unloading all these things? It is to perfect you in one matter: that Christ will really live in you and that the church will be your practical living of Christ. So far we have not reached the goal. We have a long way to go. We have too many things to unload. I do not mean that only the negative ones, the dissenting ones, the worldly ones, the fleshly ones, or the sinful ones need to be unloaded; I mean also the positive ones. I mean you need to be unloaded.
Even today we are still the manager. Today we are still here managing; we are still living. We live Christ, and then we manage the living. We would like to have a perfect living, an absolute living, a living of Christ. But we still cannot say as Paul said, “It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me.”
In a strict sense, in the New Testament you probably cannot find such a sentence that says, “I live Christ.” You have to be careful when you say, “I would like to live Christ; my goal is to live Christ.” I am afraid when you say that, the “I” becomes the prison. You get imprisoned there because it is you who live Christ and not Christ who lives Christ. It is not Christ living Christ; it is you living Christ. Do not think that I have made a kind of hook to catch you. Actually, you made the hook. My messages in the Perfecting Meetings simply make a claim for Christ. Whenever the claim comes, a hook is manifested. You have a lot of hooks. You do not know how many hooks you have made for yourselves.
I believe that a number of us are not able to relax and have a rest concerning this matter because we are serious, and we mean business. However, in your meaning business you may turn from some small germs to some big germs. Small germs are easy to kill, but it is hard for you to kill the big, the strong, the covered, the concealed germs. What kind of germs are like this? Your “spirituality.” I would say that even your living Christ may become a germ. When you did not live Christ, I encouraged you and charged you to live Christ. But now that you are endeavoring to live Christ, I say this is a strong germ. What shall you do? Right now I would not tell you what to do; rather, I would simply tell you the problems. This is why I wanted to hear from these brothers concerning what help they have received and what kind of improvement they have made. Because they are somewhat humble, they would not tell us definitely what kind of help they had received or what kind of improvement they had made. But I would like to have heard that. You have to realize that the more help you have received, the more germs you have gotten. Then you may consider that you do not need to come to the meetings. But if you remain home, you remain in the germs. If you do not come, that means you do not like to turn away from the germs. But if you come here, you receive more germs.
This is why even today the Lord has no way to come back. Israel has been restored, and the city of Jerusalem has been returned to the hands of the Jews. But if you look at the situation among Christians, there is nothing encouraging and nothing promising. All you can see among today’s Christians is blindness, arrogance, ignorance, and darkness. The books of 1 and 2 Timothy say that some are blinded with pride (1 Tim. 3:6; 6:4; 2 Tim. 3:4). This is the situation among most of today’s Christians. This Greek word for blinded means a kind of smoke that covers the sky and covers your sight so that you are blinded. What is the smoke? It is the pride and the arrogance. Today’s Christians are full of arrogance and pride. Their arrogance and their pride are spreading a kind of smoke to cloud the entire situation to make their sight so foggy. So they are blind. Paul uses this word for predicting the degradation and decline of the church and also for the dealing with the decline of the church. Why has the church declined? Because of the blindness through the pride.
This is the situation today among so many Christians. Where is there a way for the Lord to do something? There is no way. If I am simply criticizing, I ask the Lord to forgive me, and I beg you all to give me grace. Even I would ask the whole of Christianity to forgive me. But you look at today’s Christianity. America is the leading country in everything, especially in Christianity. If you look into all the Christian papers, there is nearly not one paper with a positive message.
When they began to defame us, one book would just blindly quote another. They do not even know what they are talking about. Even in defaming us, they are in darkness. They said we practice Oriental mysticism. There is not such a thing in the Orient as Oriental mysticism. They invented this term. So I wrote to one of the opposers in a nice way asking him to explain to me what is mysticism in the Orient. He had been there as a missionary for years, but I do not believe he has anything to tell me, because there is not such a thing. They just invented this term to smear our name, to smear our face, and then others followed. If we had not taken legal action, even more books would have come out. Why? Because they have nothing positive to print. If they do not print these things, what else would they print? The Lord said that whatever our heart is filled with, our mouth would utter (Matt. 12:35). If they were full of Christ, they would not use even one page for the defamatory things. The pages we put out are not sufficient to minister Christ. Week after week we put out three to four messages, yet we do not have enough pages to cover all the positive things of Christ. This is the poor situation today. We are very much privileged by the Lord to be in His recovery. So from the beginning of the year we picked up the burden to spend some time with the Perfecting Training. But do not think that this is a training to give you some knowledge. This training would not load you with more things; rather, this training is unloading you. This training is taking things off from you.
If we mean business with the Lord, the day will come when we will be no longer managing anything. We will not manage in reading the Bible; we will not manage in prayer; even in living Christ we will not manage. No. He will have the full position to manage; that will be the real living of Christ.
All of us, especially the seeking ones, like to set up a schedule. The more you are seeking, the stronger your schedule would be. The sloppy ones do not have a project; they do not have a schedule. Which is better? Of course, it is better to have a schedule. I appreciate that you have a morning-watch schedule. You have a schedule that tells you how many chapters you would read a day and how many messages you would read a week. This is very good, even much better than those sloppy ones who do not have any schedule. Eventually, when they come to the meeting, they do not even know where their Bible is. When they start to the meeting, their Bible is in the linen closet, and their hymnal is under the sofa. They do not have any schedule. This is sloppy. I do not appreciate this. I surely would like to encourage you all to have a schedule.
But listen, when you have a strong schedule, you become a strong master. You have a schedule for Christ. But it is you and not Christ. You need to grow into a stage where you are not loose nor are you managing. This is wonderful, but it is not so easy. For us not to be loose yet not managing is not easy. This is why we need this Perfecting Training. This training would not send you back to a stage of looseness. That stage has to be condemned. But you have to realize that while you are having a strong schedule, you need to be unloaded and released from your schedule. Do not go back to be loose. Remain here, but remain here to be unloaded. In our living of Christ we are too bossy.
Surely this training has brought you to a kind of troubling situation. You are here, but you do not know whether you have to go back or go on. You do not know whether to advance or retreat or stay. I would say, do not go back, do not advance, do not stay. Maybe after another year you will appreciate these words: do not go back, do not advance, and do not stay. Then it will not be you living Christ; it will be that He lives Himself. It will not be so much you who are reading the Bible with a strong determination. It will not be you who are praying unceasingly with much gnashing of teeth.
The past nine months of the Perfecting Training have helped you enter into a strong decision or a strong practice to live Christ. This is good; it is not bad. But it is also a strong frustration because it is you. You have been trained, and in a sense it is helpful, but in another sense it eventually becomes a frustration. What shall you do? There is no answer. Many of you today are still in a strong stage with the strongest determination to practice Bible reading, to practice morning watch, to practice the prayer, to practice the living of Christ. All these are good and are needed, but all of them have probably become frustrations. These things are building you up.
This is why I asked the brothers to tell us what more they wanted and what more they needed. Three of the brothers did not tell us definitely what they wanted. Either they were somewhat humble, or they were clever, not wanting to expose themselves. Or perhaps I was dull and did not get into their speaking. But one brother told us he feels that now he needs the Body. This is a proper understanding. But when I asked you to tell us what you want, I did not expect that any one of you would say that you want the church, the Body. I expected that you would say that you want to pray more, that you want to sing the Word, that you want this and you want that, and you want a lot of things. It was wise that you did not say this. If you had said this, you would have been caught by me. I would have said that you want more reading of the Bible, more prayer, more singing, more psalming just to strengthen your holy, sanctified, spiritual, heavenly self. But whether you said this or not, you have been caught already, because I know that within you, you do have some want. Either you want to read the Bible more, to pray more, or to live Christ more.
This message is to lay a foundation for the coming Friday nights when we will cover deeper, more subtle, and more negative things. I believe that a number of you have already entered into a stage where you do not know how to go on. Your church life is not that pleasant, nor is it that bad. Some of you may have even considered that you should leave the church life. Yet you realized that if you left, it would be terrible. So you have no way. You have been brought to a stage that you have no way. You have no way to go on, no way to stay, and no way to leave. This is a very good sign. This is a sign that you have been improving. Yet you have been brought to a stage by the Lord that you need to get yourself unloaded. What we have been speaking about now is a practical reality in our Christian life. I believe that you have the ears to listen to my speaking, although others might consider it nonsensical. I surely know what I am talking about. I am pretty sure that I have presented you the right picture. And I do believe that someday your sky within may be clear, and then you will see that it is the seeking you, the improving you, that bothers Christ. On the one hand, you love Him to the uttermost, and you seek after Him, but on the other hand, you are bothering Him, and you are frustrating Him because you are the boss. Every day in your spiritual schedule you give Him the orders; you ask Him to do something for you. One day our sky will become clear, and you will see this.
