Date:August 24, 1948
Before I became a Christian, I was very prejudiced against Christianity, and for a long time I opposed and rejected it. In my youth I lived a free and romantic life, visiting theaters, playing card games, and learning to dance. Once I took hospitality at a sister's house and heard the gospel. I heard that there is a God in this universe and that He desires to draw near to man. He sent Christ to the world to seek for sinners. That day I felt that I was a great sinner. I knew that the Lord Jesus loved me, and I accepted Him as my Savior. After I became a believer, my life was greatly changed. I made confessions to my father, and I began to lose my taste for the theater. I changed my attire and let my hair grow long. Later I taught in a parochial school and met a Christian colleague. We began to serve the Lord together in one accord, and we began to have meetings with brothers and sisters at home. Unconsciously, I became proud, and my spiritual condition deteriorated. The Lord disciplined me and put me through a serious illness. Although I have no lack in material things, I constantly live in anxiety. I cannot control my own thoughts, and I always try to sustain God's work with my own goodness.
I think you were very nervous in your fellowship. It seems that you find the spiritual pathway very hard and that you are pressed by some heavy burdens. You are like a child climbing up a mountain with a heavy burden on his shoulder. We have one brother who was always condemned in his conscience. He confessed his sins continually and constantly was anxious about his mistakes. One day I told him, "From this day forward, I forbid you to confess any more sins. The brothers will bear your responsibility. You do not have to confess any sin." I know that you want very much to be strong and that you are very desperate. This is the reason you are so nervous. You are very desperate, and this vexes your heart. You should not be too subjective in your pursuit. Do not insist that the Lord do anything for you. Instead, rest in Christ. Although you desire progress, holiness, and meekness, it is impossible for you to enter into rest unless you see the perfect accomplishment that Christ, who is now at the right hand of God, has obtained. God told Balaam that there was no evil in the house of Jacob. But later the Israelites fell into idolatry and fornication. We first sit, and then we walk. We do not walk first and then sit. We rest, then we can walk. We have to see that in Christ and before God, we cannot be any more perfect than we are now. The garment that I have is the same as Christ's; we are most perfect in the eyes of God. We are accepted by God to the same degree that the Lord Jesus is accepted. You have to learn to rest in Christ's perfect work. You have to see that in Christ you can access God's throne immediately. We have a basic need, which is a conscience void of offense. This is a conscience that is free from sin and even from the consciousness of sin. The Lord Jesus' blood can make you this clean. You are perfect in God. There are two places in the Bible that speak of our sins being dealt with: "There is now then no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 8:1). "Having once been purified, would have no longer had the consciousness of sins" (Heb. 10:2). On the one hand, there is no good thing in our flesh. On the other hand, we are perfect in Christ. This contradiction is normal.
We have to learn to see that we are already buried in the grave. There is no need to waste any effort on ourselves. The Lord's work is perfect. The blood of His Son Jesus has cleansed us from all sins. Our conscience is at peace. There is no need to be nervous. You have to rest in the Lord. Do not be a living person who constantly deals with a dead corpse. The Lord is your holiness, and there is no need to seek holiness in yourself or to deal with yourself any longer. You have to accept the perfection that is in Christ. Do not struggle to improve yourself. Even if you are wrong, there is no need to be anxious. You cannot control your self. Let go of the self. Let go, and you will be anxious no longer. I think that you have not only been anxious during the last few days, but anxious for over ten years. If you keep your eyes on yourself, not on the perfection you obtained in Christ, you will never have the rest. Suppose you had an enemy who always tried to hurt you, but who is now dead. Perhaps you have even seen his grave with your own eyes. If you are still afraid that he will knock on your door and hurt you, your fear is groundless. On the one hand, you have seen the perfection you inherited in Christ. On the other hand, you still find so many things wrong with yourself. There is no need to try to deal with the wrongs. There is only a need to rest in Christ's perfection. Unless you can do this, your sleepless nights will not end; you still will be unable to sleep at night. Once you try to deal with your problems by your own strength, you become anxious. Relax and do not be introspective. Do not look at yourself, but on the Lord alone, and you will have rest. If a man keeps looking at himself, he will not be able to stand in front of Satan. Man was not able to remain in a covering made of leaves but needed a covering made of animal skin, because coverings made of leaves could be torn apart, while coverings made of animal skin could never be torn apart. If you put on Christ, God will not see your wrongs. God will not set His eyes on the covering of leaves. He will only set His eyes on the covering of skin, because only skin lasts and covers forever. The more a man looks inward, the worse he becomes. Never look inward. Even if you are wrong, you should not care. If you are not clear about your position in Christ, you will not be able to deal with your self. We are indeed very near to God. Christ is our all; He is our perfection. Through Christ, we can draw near to God in the most intimate way. Our sister does not have adequate knowledge of the objective facts. She is involved with too many subjective dealings. Once she sees the Lord of glory, perhaps her own problems will go away.
