Date:July 26, 1948
I was saved in a clear way in a prayer meeting. I was very happy about my salvation, yet I suffered persecution from others. Although I suffered outwardly, I was still rejoicing inwardly. I have also learned some lessons about divine healing. Many times I was weak, and I prayed to the Lord. He became my strength and power, breaking through my problems to bring me to the meetings. The Lord wanted me to work in the kitchen, but I felt that I was behind in my spirituality, and I wanted to serve the Lord in a spiritual way like other sisters. In the past I did not like to visit the sisters. But the Lord empowered me, and I have been able to go out to visit others. This has actually brought profit to me. In the past I felt that I was completely useless and that there was nothing in me that I could hand over or offer. Later I felt that I should hand myself over to Him because I belong to Him, whether or not I am useful.
From your testimony I can see that your spiritual life is a very simple one. If you are willing to hand yourself over to the Lord and commit yourself to His hand, He will take you up. But you have to be stronger than you now are before you can become more useful. One does not necessarily have to be in a spiritual environment before he can be useful to the Lord. The main thing is to accept God's limitations and the Spirit's discipline. In pursuing spirituality, we should not overlook the limitations that God has placed upon us. Many people think that the only way they can receive spiritual blessing is through the meetings and through listening to messages. Yet many times the Lord grants us great blessings through the environment He arranges. Many people have the concept that they will know God more as long as they can attend more meetings, listen to more messages, and remain in a certain spiritual environment. Little do they realize that they have more opportunity to know the Lord in a constricted environment. If a man rejects God's limitations, he will lose his usefulness.
A man becomes useful in God's hand by accepting the discipline placed upon him in the environment. The Holy Spirit disciplines and perfects man through the environment. A man should not pray just for opportunities to experience direct grace, while refusing the discipline of the Holy Spirit. Limitations in the environment often are great opportunities to receive grace. Working in the kitchen and doing housework for others are both means through which the Spirit disciplines a person. Many people want bright and glorious prospects but are not willing to humble themselves under the mighty hand of God. However, one often receives more grace through humbling himself under God's mighty hand which lies behind the disciplining environment. A young person may find this lesson hard to take. He is full of self in his spiritual pursuit, and it is hard for him to accept the discipline of the Holy Spirit in his environment. But nothing affords us better opportunity in the spiritual pathway than the environment that the Holy Spirit has arranged for us.
As the Holy Spirit operates in us, He must also arrange outward circumstances to match this operation. This is the only way for us to learn. The inward operation is part of the Spirit's work, and the arrangement in our outward circumstances is also part of the Spirit's work. We cannot eliminate the element of circumstantial arrangement from our Christian life just because we do not like it. Strictly speaking, a believer does not have many so-called "circumstances"; he only has the discipline of the Holy Spirit. Nothing happens to us by accident when we are under men's authority. Everything that happens to us is part of the discipline of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit arranges circumstances for us according to our need. The inward working of the Holy Spirit is accomplished only in conjunction with the environment He arranges for us. As the Spirit operates within us, He knows the environment we need, and He arranges the most profitable environment for us. We have no way of knowing ahead of time what kind of environment the Spirit will arrange for us. Therefore, we cannot choose our pathway according to our own will. The Holy Spirit works within us on the one hand and arranges our environment on the other hand. Therefore, a Christian must submit to the inward working of the Holy Spirit as well as to His arrangement in the outward environment.
Our sister has been learning spiritual lessons in the kitchen and at home during the past years. This is the right way. It is better to serve the Lord in the kitchen than to seek for freedom from the kitchen in order to work as a preacher. If God wants us to remain in the kitchen, no place, not even the meetings, can match its excellence. The kind of spiritual training each person needs is different. Some need to suffer loss. Others need to go through sickness, troubles, calamities at home, or other things. All these things are the discipline of the Holy Spirit. We all need God's limitations, and we all need to be disciplined by the Spirit before we can become useful to the Lord. We should learn to reap profit from all the discipline in the environment. We often try to push away the environment, but we should learn to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God. The term environment may not be too good; we should call it God's limitations or, still better, the Spirit's discipline. Brothers and sisters, do not learn rebellion; learn obedience. If the time has not come, do not seek to be free from your environment. Some feel that they cannot serve the Lord in a constricted environment. Actually, this is the preparation that God has ordained for their future service.
After we have learned our lesson through discipline, God will first release us inwardly and then change our environment outwardly. If we are not released inwardly, we should not argue with the environment. If we do, we are arguing with God. We have to obey the Lord according to the environment that He has arranged for us. The environment often is a chain provided by the Lord. These sufferings and pressures are meant to train us. We should not complain, murmur, or rebel. Instead, we should accept the discipline that the Lord has measured for us. When God places us in situations where we cannot receive grace in a direct way, we should never struggle, complain, or murmur. Struggling, complaining, and murmuring have destroyed many people. We are like a vessel. When we are placed in a certain environment, we are being molded. Once we complain, the vessel cracks. If we continue to allow such complaints to come out of our mouth, the vessel actually will break and become useless. Brothers and sisters, we have to realize that the benefit we reap from submitting to the discipline of the Holy Spirit is far greater than we can fathom. What a pity that most of us have spent half of our lives fighting our environment. If a man does not have any argument with the Lord, everything that comes his way will become a spiritual blessing to him. A person who does not know God's acts will curse the day of his birth (Job 3:1). But one who knows the Lord's acts will praise Him for everything that befalls him in his daily life and will reckon it as a God-allotted blessing.
We must learn to make our inner world the same as our outer world. We should be able to thank and praise the Lord for everything that we experience. The Bible says that in everything we should give thanks, because every environment is measured by the Lord for our greatest training. This is the reason we can give thanks in everything. Although we were not able to fellowship with each other for years because of the war, we have to confess that this was a discipline of the Holy Spirit under the Lord's sovereignty. The Lord's Spirit worked within us, and He also worked around us. If we have not experienced the former, we should have experienced the latter at least. The one thing that disappoints me the most is that I do not find much progress in the brothers and sisters. If we are willing to learn our lessons and submit ourselves to the disciplining circumstances arranged by the Holy Spirit, we will receive light and abundant life. Otherwise, we will remain poor.
God's children should realize that the persons, things, and events that are around them are environments arranged by the Holy Spirit for their discipline. Let me repeat: We should not complain, murmur, or rebel under such circumstances. We have to realize that everything God has arranged is for our good. We have to bow our heads, fall in the dust, and worship God, saying, "God, all the environments that You have arranged are for me to experience Your grace." If we do not stand on God's side, we will not receive anything, and we will eventually become useless. There are two ways for us to receive grace. First, we can receive it directly from the ministry. Second, we can receive it through the disciplining environment arranged by the Holy Spirit. If we fight against the latter, we will lose our chance of receiving grace. But if we obey, we will find grace.
