Date:July 17, 1948
I have seen that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and is made for prayer. This is the reason I spend a few hours every day praying. Brother Nee returned from England in 1939 and spoke about God's purpose in creating man. At that time I made a strong consecration. I saw that anything that is not of Christ, no matter how good it may be, should be condemned. In 1942, I had many family affairs to attend to, but I could not move my hands because of weak health and rheumatism. Later the Lord gave me the faith to reject this physical weakness. My hands were healed, and I was able to do many things. In 1945 my health took a turn for the worse again. At one point there was blood in my sputum. Meanwhile I still had to take a job. I began to realize that I had loved myself too much and that I was full of the self in many things. My limbs were completely without strength, Satan was attacking me, and my heart was full of fear. I became very sick and my feet became numb. One brother came to visit me and told me to stand up by the Lord. I stood up by faith. (Prior to that I had been in bed for 85 days.) At first I was about to fall, but someone held me tight. I declared the Lord's victory immediately, and the fear and the weakness went away.
When Brother Nee called the meetings in Shanghai, my heart was somewhat cold at the beginning. But I looked to the Lord to provide an opportunity for me to attend. Later the Lord said to me, "You can never be wrong if you follow the footsteps of the flock." My inner man became stronger every time I opened my mouth in the meetings. When I heard the message on handing oneself over, I felt that I had become different. Now I am willing to serve Him under His headship and in submission to authority.
Before a man's body receives the infusion of life, others touch death when they touch such a body. With many people, the supply of the natural life has not run out. As a result, they are not conscious of God's supernatural life. Only after a man has lost his natural life supply does he begin to treasure the supernatural life of God. God supplies the resurrection life only to those who have need. Paul was characterized by the little strength he had in his natural life. Actually, his physical body needed much energy to sustain him for the work. He accomplished more work than ten strong men. Yet he was sustained by the supply of the spiritual life. This is the reason he could do what others could not do. Whenever he labored for the Lord, he derived his very breath and pulse from his faith in God. This was his characteristic. It tells us what kind of supply he received from God for his spiritual work. He was able to say, "For when I am weak, then I am powerful" (2 Cor. 12:10). The times when he was weak were the very times when he was strong. Those were his strongest times. Such a spiritual contradiction occurs as one pays the price to learn the proper lessons before the Lord.
We should remember the Lord's word: "My power is perfected in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9). This weakness was a weakness that Paul accepted. He asked the Lord three times to have the thorn removed. Today we do not know what this thorn was. We only know that it referred to something that never left him, that irritated him and weakened him. Paul prayed three times and then stopped. From that day forward, Paul accepted this weakness. If it had been an unwelcomed weakness, it would have done him no good. Paul accepted this weakness. This is the reason he was different. This is the reason he could boast in his weakness and the reason the power of Christ could overshadow him. Sooner or later the day will come when a man bows his head and says, "I accept the weakness that the Lord has placed on me." Paul was not the only man who was weak, but he was one of the very few people who would accept his weakness. Most people bargain with God when they are weak. They have their own opinions. They murmur against God and wrestle with Him. These ones will not see the power of God perfected in them. We know that there are more weak ones than strong ones in this world. But this does not mean that everyone who is weak will experience God's power being perfected in him. God's power is perfected only in those who accept the weakness. A man has to go through many scorchings, refinements, strugglings, and perils before he will bow his head, accept his weakness, and say, "I do not understand how I was lifted up. Yet I am! God has brought me through. I am still physically weak, and my inward being is still crippled and imperfect. Yet I am alive! I have accepted my weakness. The Holy Spirit spoke through Paul when he said, `For when I am weak, then I am powerful.' It seems as if I am able to say the same thing now." Once you reach this point and accept your weakness, you will spontaneously experience the next step, which is "when I am weak, then I am powerful." As for you, you will only boast in your weakness.
One day your eyes will be opened, and you will see that weakness is not a hindrance to, but a manifestation of, God's power. From that day forward, you will be able to boast and glory in your weakness. Many people can memorize the words: "I boast in nothing of my own. I only boast in my own weakness, that the power of Christ may overshadow me." Yet they may not know what they are saying. You have to be brought to the point where you see that weakness is not a hindrance but a condition. Then you will no longer long for your former health. You will no longer feel sorry for your present weakness. You will no longer pity yourself for the loss of power or health. On the contrary, you will realize that your weakness is your boast and glory. Many people have been Christians for decades, yet they have always lived by their natural strength; they have never come face to face with God's power. Many people suffer physical weaknesses, yet they have never known the meaning of God's power. We should not ask for sickness or poor health, but if God permits sickness and weakness to come to us, we should seize these opportunities to touch and know God's power. If we have become weak through the loss of physical health, we should realize that this is our opportunity to touch God's power. Not every child of God has such a testimony of power. If the Lord puts us in a position where we can choose or reject chastisement, we should choose chastisement, because this will perfect God's power in our mortal, weak body. Twenty or more years ago, I saw the meaning of God's power, and I gladly chose weakness for myself. This is to boast and glory in weakness. The more I choose weakness, the more I express God's power and strength.
I hope we will learn to choose God's way in the environment which He has arranged for us. The shining and discipline we receive from the Holy Spirit vary. The choice we make depends on the kind of person we are. Rebellious ones always return empty-handed. They suffer from one fundamental drawback — they despise the Lord's chastisement, and they do not afford the Lord a chance to renew or reconstitute them. On the one hand, they have sacrificed the natural part of their constitution, but on the other hand, they have not received anything on the spiritual side. If we have never come under God's hand, our natural self will remain, while our spiritual deposit will still be empty. If we come under His hand, our natural self may be destroyed, but we will achieve something spiritually. Three things can happen: First, the natural elements can remain while the spiritual deposit remains empty. Second, the natural elements can be destroyed but the spiritual deposit can remain empty. Third, the natural elements can be destroyed and the spiritual goals can be achieved. The second kind is the poorest, while the third kind is the most blessed. I do not care for the first and second kind, because I do not want to be devoid of my spiritual deposit. It matters little whether or not my natural elements are still intact. The greatest loss that can happen to a man in his weakness is for him to negate and shut out God's power. May the Lord be merciful to us so that we would bow our head and accept all His work in us. If we do this, the natural elements may be destroyed, but the spiritual goal will be achieved. When we are so weak that we cannot choose anything or oppose the Lord anymore, then we are strong. If we do not look back or treasure our former strength or become jealous of others' strength when we are weak and powerless, we will be strong. May the Lord be merciful to us so that from now on, whether we are strong or weak, we no longer take the way of the world and no longer care for natural power. May we no longer follow our own cravings. May we remove all anxieties and worries. Instead, we should only boast in our weakness. If we do this, we will begin to understand God's power. We will be happy that we are weak. The Lord has arranged for this to happen to us so that in the process of losing our natural health we will discover what is spiritual.
Paul was raptured to the third heavens and received the revelation of the third heaven in a moment. He also received the revelation of Paradise in a moment. Yet he himself remained weak. He prayed three times (not three days) for his thorn to be removed. After the first prayer, perhaps he waited for a long time before he prayed again, but he was still weak. He prayed again and again for the thorn to depart from him. He prayed this way three times, but the Lord did not take the thorn away. Instead, He granted him the sufficient grace. This stopped his prayer. To those who have an ear to hear, the Lord's speaking is not a matter of frequency but a matter of intensity. Consider the Lord's word in 2 Corinthians 12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness." Many in the church have read this verse thousands of times, yet they still have not touched anything. The Lord only asks us to touch it once. When we read this word, have we touched the spirit behind it? The woman with the issue of blood only touched the hem of the Lord's garment once, and the Lord acknowledged it. The Lord is sifting all the dregs of unbelief in us. It is not a matter of frequency, of how many times we have touched Him, but a matter of intensity, that is, of how deeply we have touched Him. Young people should not be impatient. They have to learn this lesson again and again and receive the deeper and deeper dealings. If God is merciful to us, He will guide us in a rich way; that is, He will guide us into weakness. The way of the cross is not finished with one encounter; the Lord forever leads us on. Time after time, we are led to deeper depths, further weaknesses, and more penetrating cuts of the cross. Those who are willing to take this way will know what weakness is and will know the meaning of strength and grace.
We must also consider the sovereignty of God as revealed in Romans 9. God's mercy leads us on time after time. If we fall into error, it is God's work that is destroyed. If we do not pursue after God, we get nothing. If we are too eager in our pursuit, we also get nothing. I have not seen one lazy man who is after the Lord's heart. Yet this does not mean that a man is approved when he is eager, impatient, or insistent in his pursuit. God has to break down the extreme impatience and insistence in us. He does not want us to be too hungry or too satisfied. One day we will look to the Lord for His mercy and revelation alone. Then our pursuit will be proper. Our overzealous pursuit will be over. We will prostrate ourself before the Lord and acknowledge that we have no strength or power in ourselves, that all we have is weakness, not power. We will acknowledge that if there is any power in us at all, it is God's power. If God does not grant us mercy, no one will find this way. Every spiritual realization is gained by paying a price before the Lord. If the Lord turned the clock back twenty-five years and asked us to choose the weak health that we have now, what would we do? We have passed through these experiences. But if the Lord gave us the choice of whether or not to go through them again, what would we choose? Those who know what weakness means would say, "This is what God has given me. I would not even consider another choice." We are not those who seek after good health. Too many people are seeking after good health and have failed to know God. At the same time, many people have come to know God through their weaknesses. We pursue God's way, His work, and good health for the sake of knowing God. If we set our mind on knowing God, every circumstance will become an opportunity for us to know Him. We will not be God's children in vain. If a man does not know God in his lifetime, he has wasted his whole life. May we be willing to accept His dealings in all circumstances so that we may know Him more.
