Date: Wednesday, April 21, 1948, 6:30 a.m.Place: Hardoon Road, ShanghaiNature: Testimonies and questions by the co-workers, and exhortations by Watchman Nee
Du Chung-chun: What occupations are considered proper?
Watchman Nee: Brother Chu once said, "If I hand something over to the Body, I do not have to take care of it any longer. It is no longer my business, but the Body's business.'' This is rightly put. Your burden is no longer on your shoulders, but on the shoulders of the brothers and sisters and the church. If you hand yourself over, everything becomes the Lord's. If you make money, it is God who is making the money; and if you lose money, it is God who is losing the money. Our principle is to let the dead bury the dead. We have to know that serving God is not just a matter of serving God alone, but of serving Him in the Body. Today by the grace of God, we have handed ourselves over. If we merely say with our mouths that we are serving God, nobody knows when we have stopped this service. This kind of service is not definite. However, if we hand ourselves over, we cannot turn back even if we want to. We may say that we cannot walk, but many others will carry us; they can move us. If our service is for the church, we will be able to give up even the things that we could not otherwise give up. It is not a matter of our own arrangement, but a matter of the Lord's arrangement in the Body. It is a tremendous thing for a person to decide to consecrate himself. However, this thing is not done individually, but in the Body.
Brother Chow asked: In the future should the brothers engage in business by using the name of the church? (No answer from Brother Nee.)
I have asked for permission already from the other brothers concerning what I am about to say. It all happened about thirteen years ago. At that time I wanted to have an apartment, but I cannot go into detail about the reason for having it....Although I have been negative in recent years, there was still a supply from the brothers. Brother Chu gave me ten thousand dollars, and when Brother Chang Tze-jieh came from Tsingtao, he gave me a few thousand dollars. From that time on I decided to set aside a certain amount from what I have received....When I moved back from the countryside, I saw many more white-haired people in the church. The next time I came back, there were even more with white hair....The sisters had given up all their savings, and some sisters had to stay in the hospital and could not go home....What I have can only become less; it will never become more. All the money that I have is enough to feed one more person for a month only; it will be gone by the second month. I can sleep on the floor and let others sleep on my bed. But others will not feel comfortable sleeping this way. If we have to provide a place for others to rest, it should be a place where others can rest comfortably. I felt that somehow I have to have a place that is like a home, that others will not feel ashamed or burdensome to live in, and which is close to the meeting hall. Only then will such a place be able to render others some spiritual help....When a person gets older, she tends to develop her own peculiarities. Others say that living together provides fellowship. Actually, living together provides frustrations. This is why I have hoped all the time to have a place that can provide hospitality for the saints. Brother Lee said that perhaps they can provide a place for me in Chefoo.
Today I ask Brother Nee to forgive me for all my past attitudes and words. I also ask the responsible brothers to forgive me for my past attitudes and words. I was sympathetic toward Brother Nee's venture into business. Concerning the CBC Laboratory, I heard many words, and they made me angry. Eventually, these angers spilled over to Brother Nee. Brother Nee said, "The magistrates are the only ones that can light a fire; the common folks should not even light a lamp.'' [Translator's note: A Chinese idiom meaning that only a few are allowed to do something, referring to Brother Nee's venture into business.] I am not Brother Nee, and I cannot speak for him in many things. When others said that Brother Nee was wrong, how could I take such words? I could not single out Brother Nee for blame. As a result I began to blame the other responsible brothers. Since they had promised that [the business venture] was God's will already, how could I stop other brothers and sisters? Yet when others came to me, they were bothered to the point of a mental breakdown, and I could not help but sympathize with them. It is God's grace that I have not had a mental breakdown today. Even if ninety-nine percent of the responsibility lies with others, I still hold one percent of the responsibility. Actually, I should say that I hold more than one percent of the responsibility.
At one time some people criticized The Normal Christian Church Life and asked me to say something bad about Brother Nee. People wanted to use me as a tool to oppose Brother Nee.
Concerning the CBC Laboratory, I did tell people that it was a "gossip center.'' My motive concerning the business was bitter, and my attitude toward Brother Nee was also bitter. I would not say that I have never condemned anything; there were indeed things which I took offense in. Once a person got involved with the CBC Lab, their spiritual condition collapsed. If what has happened these few days had happened then, none of what I am saying would need to be said.
I wish that the tears I shed today would be my last tears. I wish that when I leave the world one day, and others open up my closets, they will find them empty. If my closets are full, it will be to my shame. I realize that it is better to prefer poverty than to prefer wealth. During these years, I did have the thought of selling everything I have. Sometimes I cannot recognize my own belongings. Others always push me to buy something for myself, but I always give this and that kind of excuse. I seldom buy things for myself. When I bought an overcoat, three people literally dragged me to the store to buy it. I do not care much for my own clothing. I am not saving things in my closets and keeping them for myself. As for cash, I cannot come up with even a thousand dollars. I do not have a single piece of gold with me. I can testify for my conscience' sake that all that I have is worth nothing; everything I have is what I need for myself. Of course, I can hand over my rice and my oil. I can give my last drop to the church.
When the church proposed to buy a piece of land the last time, some people were blaming others, while others were plainly sitting back and watching. At that time twenty pieces of gold would have done the job. But we waited and waited until all the money was gone, and everyone was still sitting there watching. Because of this, we accomplished nothing. This is wrong. If everyone hands himself over today, what follows is the responsibility of the church. I open up myself this way today out of necessity. My words end here.
One brother asked: When is it the time to say, "Speak, O Jehovah; for Your servant is listening'' (1 Sam. 3:9)?
Watchman Nee: In the past the brothers in all the localities gave the co-workers many headaches. Some people were quite zealous outwardly, and they wanted to work full-time. The brothers in those localities went ahead and acknowledged such ones as co-workers, and they received such ones as co-workers on our behalf. This brought us many problems. We cannot recognize such acknowledgments. Those who serve with the ministry of the word should learn to touch others' spirit. A servant of God should know, when others are speaking, whether the speaker's spirit is in accord with him or is in contradiction to him. The spirit of some is improper or defiled. There is no way for us to remove their defilements. For example, you may come and tell me that Brother Suen is wrong. If Brother Hsu comes along and asks me how Brother Suen is doing, I cannot tell him Brother Suen's mistakes. Even if I were to tell Brother Hsu the mistakes, he may not believe me. Hence, we hope that all those who wish to serve the Lord full-time will first learn some lessons in the church.
I am not saying that those who want to give themselves to the work have to be perfect in any sense. However, their spirit has to be pure and simple before the Lord. You may not know the kind of spirit you have. Up to a certain point, everyone else may say that now is the time for you to drop your job. By that time you should drop your job. Even though some have a heart to serve full-time, they should still wait in their jobs for a while. The question is whether or not the Lord wants such a one to drop everything to serve God at that time.
Our brother Philip Luan died because of our unfaithfulness. He left his job but did not receive adequate care. We can hardly find another brother who loved the Lord as much as he did. We did not have enough light. If we did, and we realized the hardship in the environment, we would have persuaded him to go back to his job. Everyone should have the same need in the preaching of the gospel. Brother Hsia Hsi-ling has a good job at the customs department. He has been working there for many years. He has not asked if he should drop that job, but we feel that he should drop it. Everyone has to offer up himself to the Lord. Those brothers and sisters who are in their jobs are not the first-class citizens. Unless everyone offers up everything, we have no way to go on.
Suen Chang-ming: Everyone should be a priest. This kind of service is a matter of coordination. In our factory we have to support one hundred workers, and the burden is already very heavy. In Acts 2 and 4 there were over eight thousand people that needed support. How did they do it?
Watchman Nee: After the war the CBC Laboratory was worth eight hundred thousand dollars. Last year it was worth only four hundred thousand. This year it is worth 1.2 million. Yet we owe others seven hundred thousand dollars. We have no idea what will happen next year.
When we were going to buy the land from Mrs. Chow, some consecrated all they had by selling everything. I felt that that money was blood money. After I made the announcement the first and second time, I dared not make any more announcements, because all the ones who were giving money were middle-class and lower middle-class saints. Those who had the money and who should have offered were slow to move.
After that first failure I dared not ask others for money again. I told others that, should we have to build a meeting hall, I would do it myself. Sister Ruth Lee may have harbored some complaints against me, that I did not take care of so many works that were necessary, and that instead I went into business. But in order for the work to be done properly, some have to sacrifice themselves. I can say this word to you today: I have done my work, and I have sacrificed myself. Today I am a part of those who are sharing responsibilities in the work, and I am also a part of those who are holding jobs. I am not an insensitive person. For you to go into business, there is no sense of shame. But for me to go into business, there is the sense of shame. I know that with this matter some have something to say about me, and I can tell you that some have come and questioned me. Even now, I risk bearing the shame of receiving no greetings on the street. I risk bearing the shame of "remarrying'' myself as a widow, so much so that the children are gone, and I am left wondering why I was doing what I was doing, with a dead child in my arms. For eight years I could not lift up my face and look into the brothers' and sisters' eyes. Do I not have the right today to say to you, "Offer up yourselves''? Why would you not offer up yourselves? Today is the time for all the working brothers and sisters to offer up themselves.
