Date: October 15, 1936, afternoonPlace: Amoy
The family occupies a special place in the Bible. God's selection has to do with a nation, and eternal life has to do with individuals, but salvation has to do with the household.
The first household mentioned in the Bible is Noah's household. Although Adam had children, the Bible does not mention his household, because after Adam sinned in Genesis 3, he lost his position in his family. God had appointed Adam to be the head of his family, yet he lost his headship, and the first family was damaged. The brothers are the head of their households. It is not enough to be a husband and father; he has to be the head. In Genesis 3 Adam lost his place as a husband and a head. If there was a family there at all, it was Eve and her family, because Eve became the head there. Of course, this was not according to God's arrangement.
Then God mentioned Noah's household. Those in his household were not particularly better than Adam. This family consisted of one pair on top and three pairs below. The Bible does not say much about Noah's wife and the three daughters-in-law. Of his three sons, however, one was good, one was partly good, and the third was bad. The question is not whether Noah's sons were good. The question is where Noah stood. With respect to the flood, God only dealt with Noah; He did not mention his wife, sons, or daughters-in-law. Noah represented his whole family. God said that Noah was just and perfect (Gen. 6:9) because he was able to assume the headship. When he was saved, his whole household was saved. The giving of eternal life is to individuals, but the unit of salvation is the household. If a family does not have a head, God deals with individuals. But when a family has a head, God deals with the head. If you are standing in the position of a head, God only needs to deal with you.
It is an interesting thing that God divides the world into families. Today man has damaged God's arrangement — the family has been damaged. What is the situation today? Families are filled with rebellion — sons rebel against the father's authority, the wife rebels against the husband's authority, and servants rebel against the master's authority. The family is broken and the oneness is gone. Once the head does not stand firm as the head, the institution of the family is destroyed. In order for a family to please the Lord, the head must stand firm in his position as the head. If a family does not have a head, God can only deal with each individual in the family. Noah's household was the first family that God dealt with as a whole.
God dealt with Noah's household in a different way than other households because Noah was able to assume the headship. What his wife and daughters-in-law did was an entirely different issue. Noah was able to assume the headship; he did not break down the institution of the family. I dare not say that the other seven had not sinned, but I can say that his family was not damaged. Everyone was under the authority of the head. This is why the whole household was saved even though God only called Noah. If we do not understand this, we cannot understand the meaning of Acts 16:31, which says, "Believe on the Lord Jesus, and you shall be saved, you and your household." When we read this verse, individual faith and individual salvation come to our mind. Very often we change the unit and the numbers when our theology clashes with the Word of God. We consider something to be a heresy when it is actually God's Word. However, God's Word is very clear here. God grants salvation household by household. Of course, there must be a proper head to receive this salvation. Without a proper head, there cannot be household salvation. When a proper head is absent, the institution of the family is destroyed. If the wife, children, and daughters-in-law submit to the authority of the head of the house, the house will be saved.
What does Acts 16:31 mean? Suppose you are the head of your house and you have believed in the Lord. You may say that the head has believed in the Lord. But in reality, more than just yourself have believed in the Lord; you have believed in the Lord on behalf of your whole household. When you believe in the Lord, you have two standings. The first is your personal stand before the Lord; as a sinner you have believed in the Lord. The second is your stand as a representative of the entire household; you have believed in the Lord on behalf of your whole family. You can declare that your household is a household of believers and that God is the God of your house. You are serving the Lord on behalf of your whole family. Do you remember Joshua's word? He said that he and his household (not just himself) would serve Jehovah (Josh. 24:15b). We are short of these kinds of heads today.
Some may ask, "Does this mean that when the head of a household has believed in the Lord, that household is saved?" Yes, it does. Although everyone in the household has not received eternal life, they have all been saved positionally. The world sees this household as a saved household. Some time thereafter, every member of the household will also receive eternal life in experience, one by one. This is what it means to put the whole family in the position of salvation. The question is whether or not a family has a proper head who is assuming the proper headship. Whether or not the children are going along is a secondary concern. As long as the children are living in the house, and as long as you are the head of the house, you have made the choice for them already when you believe in the Lord. This is because the house is yours and not theirs. You are responsible for the house; they are not responsible for it. When you take such a stand, others will follow; they will follow you to serve the Lord. This is a wonderful thing, and we can find many examples of it. When the head becomes a proper head, the whole household receives grace and is saved.
When the Israelites prepared the Passover lamb in the Old Testament, they prepared one for each household, not one for each member of the household. The Passover lamb was for the household, not for individuals. An individual did not kill a lamb; the household killed it. The blood was struck on the doorpost and side posts of the house, and the whole household was protected. The angel of destruction passed over the whole household and spared the whole house. This shows that the unit of God's salvation is the household. This is God's Word. When the head of the household chose the lamb, the whole household had no choice but to choose the lamb as well. Here we see that the Old Testament concept is centered around the household.
Ahab's household in the Old Testament is another example. First Kings 21:22 says, "And [I] will make thine house like the house of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, and like the house of Baasha the son of Ahijah, for the provocation wherewith thou hast provoked me to anger, and made Israel to sin." God dealt with the house of Ahab because Ahab offended God. The house of Jeroboam provides another example. First Kings 13:34 says, "And this thing became sin unto the house of Jeroboam, even to cut it off, and to destroy it from off the face of the earth." Jeroboam set up the idols. God judged his whole household and cut it off from the face of the earth. Concerning the house of David, 2 Samuel 12:10-11 says, "Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife. Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house." From these few instances we see that the household is not only the unit of God's salvation, but also the unit of God's judgment. God's judgment does not come to individuals, but to a house. The standing of the head is considered to be the standing of the whole household. Hence, we see the concept of the household clearly established in the Bible. God deals with man by households. The recipient of both salvation and judgment is the household.
Some may ask, "Does this mean that after the head of a household has believed in the Lord, his whole household will be saved regardless of what each member does?" No. The head has to bear the responsibility of every member of his household. Many have often remarked that there is no middle ground between salvation and perdition. But actually there is some middle ground. The Gentiles are in an absolute position — the position of perdition, and Christians are also in an absolute position — the position of salvation. In a Christian family, even though strictly speaking one cannot say that there is some middle ground, there do exist some neutral positions. This is because the children of Christian parents do have a closer standing than the Gentiles as far as receiving eternal life is concerned. I am not necessarily alluding to the family of pastors or those in the denominations, and I am not referring to those who are not assuming a genuine headship. I am referring to the children of those who are assuming genuine headship in the family. These children are standing on the ground of grace, and they are more apt to receive eternal life.
Paul said that the children can be sanctified because of the faith of the parents (1 Cor. 7:14). Why are we saved today? We are saved because Christ has become our head. When we submit under Him, we are saved. In the same principle we must be the head to our children. The real issue is whether or not we are the head of our household. If we are the head, God will hold us responsible for our family. God has not demanded that we bear the responsibility of our brothers, but He demands that we bear the responsibility of our children. When we stand before the judgment seat, those without a family will only be judged for their own lives. Similarly, the sisters will only be judged for their own lives. But those who have a family and children will not be judged merely for their own lives, but for their household as well. Whether or not we have actually assumed the headship, God still considers us as the head of our family. This is the difference between the male and female in the family. The male bears the responsibility of his wife as well as the whole family.
I know one brother in the Lord who is a real head in his family. Before his family believed in the Lord, he took the initiative to believe in the Lord. Without discussing the matter with his wife and children, he burned and removed every idolatrous thing in his house and then gathered his whole house together, announcing, "Our whole family is going to believe in the Lord. Even if some of you do not want to believe, you are counted as having believed." What each individual in the family does is another issue. But the head of the family has the right to announce that his whole family is a believing family. The blood of the lamb was struck on the doorpost of the house, not on the doorpost of the rooms. Salvation comes to man with the household as the basic unit. In my observation, the brothers who are the proper head in their family always find their whole family saved. The only difference is in the timing; some in the family believe earlier while others believe later. But none in the family remains an unbeliever forever. It is always a household salvation; the whole family is saved eventually. All the brothers who are the head in their family should stand firm in this matter. First bring the whole family into a saved standing, and then every member will be saved one after another.
At Princeton University there was a highly educated college professor who was also a good brother. He believed fully in the teaching of household salvation, and he declared to his sons that his whole family was to be a believing family. When the children were small, he gathered them together every day for family worship. Later, when the sons grew up, they left home and gave up their faith, turning to evil works. The colleagues of the professor mocked him, saying, "Your conviction is wrong." But he told his colleagues, "My sons have not become old yet. I believe that my whole family will eventually be saved." Later the father died, and the sons still were not saved. But twenty years later, the sons gradually were saved one after another. We have to believe in the Lord. If we have faith in this matter, our whole family will be saved even if it means waiting for a few years or a few decades.
The reason I am speaking on this subject this afternoon is to show the brothers that they are the head of their household, and that God wants them to bear the responsibility of their house. We must not only be a good Christian, but must also be a good head. Those who do not have a family should first have the qualifications for being the head. Otherwise, they are not qualified to be a husband. Every father and husband must know how to deal with his own family. Once the male becomes loose in a family, the female will assume the headship. Our nation has a president and a vice-president. If the president does not do a proper job, the vice-president will have to take his place. Hence, husbands and fathers must learn to assume the headship in the family. They cannot be too lazy or allow their wives to seize any opportunity to become the head.
Every male must learn to be a strong head. They should not be cruel, heartless, or severe. But if God has charged them to be the head, they should be proper heads. It is good for husbands to love their wives. But if they love them so much that they allow them to become the head, they have gone beyond God's boundary. A question that may arise is what a husband should do when the wife does not abide in her place. The real issue is that the husband must assume the headship. If he does not assume the headship, the woman will naturally become the head. A woman becomes the head because the man has given her the ground. Is the ground in your family vacant or occupied? As long as you leave a little crack, the woman will try to assume the headship. No one is more desirous of assuming the headship than the woman. The first woman Eve tried to assume headship, and every woman born of Eve is the same as her. Mankind fell to its present condition as a result of Eve assuming the headship. Hence, a man has to stand firm on his ground and not allow the woman to assume an improper standing.
What should a man do if he has given up the headship to a woman? First, before the Lord, he must know the reason that he has allowed her to become the head. He has to confess his sin of neglecting to be the head. It is a sin to instigate rebellion in a nation. It is a sin to be disobedient in the church, and it is a sin to relinquish the place of headship in the family. One must thoroughly deal with the Lord concerning such a sin and confess his sin.
Second, a person has to find the area in which the woman has usurped his position. There can be many reasons for losing his headship. It can be caused by his decline in spiritual life, or his neglect of responsibility. I know of a family whose husband cannot be the head because he only knows to eat; he does not do anything. His wife supports him. As a result his wife spontaneously becomes the head. Another reason that a wife usurps the headship is because the husband cannot be trusted in his opinions. We do not allow some brothers to express their opinions in the church. But such ones think that while their opinions are not accepted in the church, they probably can be accepted in their own family. Many people find that their opinions are unapproved and unacceptable outside their home, yet they try to impose them at home. Their wives cannot go along with their foolish opinions and naturally come up with their own ideas and assume the headship. A third reason that a wife assumes the headship is that the husband has sins which he has not confessed. Others may not know it, but the wife knows it and consequently despises the husband. If one does not have a clear confession, he cannot be the head in a clear way. There are specific reasons that a person cannot assume headship. It may be a difficult thing for a person to find the reason, but there is no alternative other than finding it and dealing with it thoroughly before the Lord. Only then will such a person be able to assume headship once again.
Third, a person must pray much and ask God to give him strength. Paul told the Corinthians that women should not speak in the meetings, and that they should ask their husbands at home if they wanted to learn anything (1 Cor. 14:34-35). The husband refers to those who can assume headship. If your wife asks you something at home, are you able to answer her? Today many sisters are better than their husbands. If Paul were to write again today, I am afraid that he may have to tell the husbands to go home to ask their wives! If you are not proper before the Lord, you will not be able to act as a head in a proper way. One cannot force his way to be a head; one is a head spontaneously. You have to reclaim your lost position. You cannot say that you are not smart and therefore cannot be the head. You may not be as smart as your wife, but do you believe in James's promise? James said, "But if any one of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and does not reproach, and it will be given to him" (1:5). I fully believe that you will receive, but you have to ask of God. It is useless to put on an air of authority at home. You have to be firm in your attitude, meek in spirit, and act in wisdom so that you can earn your wife's respect.
It hurts me to see many brothers losing their headship without knowing why they lost it. If you seek the Lord, you will find one interesting thing — there is a reason for every case of a loss of headship. After you have confessed your sins thoroughly and found the reasons for your failure, you should pray to recover your headship. Then you should call a family conference (of course, you have to pray about it properly ahead of time) and confess to your wife saying, "During the past years, I have let you take over the headship. Please forgive my sin. From this point forward, I will no longer allow you to be the head." Then read what the Bible says about the matter of headship to her. Some women may not be able to take this; they may start arguing with their husbands. They may cry, refuse to eat, or smash objects around the house. They may lose their temper, but you cannot lose your temper. You cannot assume the headship with your temper. A head must be firm in attitude and meek in spirit. Your wife may cry or shout, but you should continue to smile at her. You have to deal with her with gentleness, but you have to apply the Lord's strength. You must not let this matter go. If she becomes agitated, you have to remain patient. No matter what she does, you cannot fight with her. Yet you must be firm in your attitude. As long as something should be done a certain way, insist that it be done in that way and never waver. Firmness is an expression of strength.
Unbelievers dominate their wives with their temper, arguments, or even threats. You do not need to do this, nor should you do this. Your wife may fight in many ways, but you have to exercise your strength to stand firm on your ground. She can scold you, but you have to continue to smile. At the same time, you cannot let your headship slip away through a moment of carelessness. You must never act according to your emotion. If your headship slips away through a moment of frivolity, it will be hard for you to regain it later. Every husband has to learn this lesson.
Remember that you will not only be judged for your personal life, work, and sins at the judgment seat; you will also be judged for your wife and family. Therefore, you should never be loose and always bear in mind the judgment on that day. It is easy to allow the woman to be the head, and you may even suffer less vexation this way. But you will lose many blessings from the Lord. We have to carefully deal with the matter of the wife assuming the headship.
In a family, in addition to the wife, there is another group of people who are hard to deal with — the children. How should we deal with our children? First we have to choose God for them. Freedom of religion can be practiced only after they have moved away from home. As long as they are at home, we have to choose their faith for them. We have to be firm in our attitude on the one hand and gentle on the other hand. The mistake that fathers often make toward their children is provoking them to anger. Ephesians 6:4 says that the fathers should not provoke their children to anger. As the head we have the authority, but we must not provoke our children to anger. Except for Colossians 3, this is the only place in the Bible that teaches how to be a father. It is easy to be a father foolishly, but exercising authority and firmly dealing with children is not that easy; the children can easily rebel. This is why we must learn.
Ephesians 6:4 also mentions nurturing. This means bringing up someone. Suppose I asked Brother Wu to bring a letter to someone. This is different from sending a letter to someone. Bringing a letter is having a person go with a letter, whereas sending a letter is having the letter go without the person. Suppose you bring your son to Amoy. You are going together with your son. This is different from sending your son to Amoy. The Bible says that we should "bring up" our children with the Lord's Word. This means that the fathers have to take the lead in the teachings and the Word of God. Many fathers do not bring up their children; they hope that their children will not do certain things, yet they do the same things themselves. This is sending up; this is not bringing up. Asking your children to follow your teachings while not practicing them yourself will not work. You have to bring them up until they are grown up. You have to be their pattern. Whatever you want them to be, you must first be yourself. This is the way to deal with children.
Ephesians 6:5 goes on to deal with the question of the slaves. It says, "Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as to Christ." Whether or not a person is a believer, he is either a servant or a master. If you have an unbeliever as your master, you must obey him. If you have a brother as your master, you have a double responsibility towards him. On the one hand, you have to serve your Lord. On the other hand, you have to serve your brother who is your master.
Many families find it difficult to hire brothers and sisters as servants. I would think that saints would do a better job than outsiders, but many brothers today would not hire believers to work for them. This is a shame. Those who are servants should serve their masters well. If I had to travel and needed a tent, I would surely have bought it from Paul in Corinth. I would surely want his signature to be on the tent that I bought. If Paul could not make better tents than others, I would not read his epistles. His needlework had to be good and his craftsmanship excellent. This is the way the servants have to be; they must do a better job than those in the world could do. At the same time, masters must know how to be masters. They must be loving, gentle, and humble towards their servants, and they must honor them. They must be firm in their attitude. If the servants do something wrong, they must ask them to do it over again. If they let them get by one time, the servants will not do a good job the next time. Whether you are a master or a servant, you have to be one "from the soul," knowing that each one will receive back what he has done, whether he is a slave or a free man, and also knowing that both their Master and yours is in the heavens; there is no respect of persons with Him (vv. 8-9).
