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Prayer: Our Lord Jesus, we thank and praise You because all good things come from You. We acknowledge that all grace flows from You. Lord, we are gathered together this afternoon for the wedding of our Brother Yang and Sister Wu. We pray that You would bless this new couple and that they would see that everything is out of Your grace and Your love. May You open their eyes to see the immensity of their responsibility and to see how great a challenge it is to be a husband and how great a challenge it is to be a wife. Show them that the marital relationship can be a happy relationship and that it can also be a difficult relationship. Show them that the flesh cannot help them through such a relationship. Lord, give them the grace to learn how to be a husband and how to be a wife and to learn to glorify Your name daily. May this act today, this union today, glorify Your name. May it not bring shame to Your name or mockery from unbelievers. Lord, may the husband be a real husband, bearing the responsibility of the house, and the head in everything, and may the wife submit as a woman should in everything. Our Lord, may this couple express Your love, Your authority, and Your proper human virtues in their family. May You give them grace and bless them so that they may be blessed persons in their respective positions. Lord, be gracious to them. We commit the two of them into Your hand. May they glorify You daily, may the work of their hands glorify You, and may everything in this family glorify You. Bless them and bless all of us. In the name of the Lord Jesus, amen.
Let us read a very familiar passage: "But as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be subject to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Eph. 5:24-25). The brothers have been telling me for many days that I have to attend this meeting today and that I have to speak a few words. I prayed and considered what I should speak and how I should speak. God gave me these two very familiar verses.
Needless to say, this is a happy occasion and most people like to say "congratulations." While this, of course, is a fact, we also have to admit that there are troubles ahead. Before a person is married, he or she may have no trouble being a single person. But after a person is married, there is definitely trouble. Troubles for a single person are a possibility, but troubles for a married couple are a certainty. If we are not prepared to face these troubles, we will see one trouble after another. Troubles will perpetuate and propagate themselves. The first thing a Christian should realize is that no trouble within a family can be solved instantaneously.
Brother Yang, do not think that you can be a proper husband in an instant. You may need three to five years to learn this. Sister Wu, I will say the same to you; it takes three to five years before you learn how to be a wife. Yet I must say that you have to learn. If you do not learn, you will never be able. Never think that you are born a husband or that you are born a wife. Many brothers and sisters think that they can become husbands and wives without learning. Some think that when a man earns forty to fifty dollars a month, has grown to over five feet in height, and is twenty-four or twenty-five years old, he is qualified to get married. There is no such thing. Unless you are determined to learn to be a wife, you will not succeed in becoming a wife. Unless you are determined to learn to be a husband, you will not succeed in becoming a husband. If a student does not have the heart to be a student, he cannot be a student. If an employee does not have the heart to be a good employee, he cannot be an employee. Similarly, if you do not have the heart to be a husband or a wife, you cannot be a husband or a wife. Many things come by accident; many things can be done mindlessly. But a good husband or good wife does not come by accident. Every good husband and every good wife become so through learning.
I am not preaching a sermon this afternoon. I only want to ask whether our brother and our sister have the heart to be a husband and a wife or whether they are merely trying their luck. There is no such thing as being fortunate by chance in marriage.
In these verses we have a biblical principle. Concerning the family, Ephesians 5 first exhorts the wife. Verse 24 is directed at the sisters, and verse 25 is directed at the brothers. I am not saying that everything related to the family first comes from the woman, but I can say that many things in the family come from the woman. Verse 24 says, "Let the wives be subject to their husbands in everything." If a sister wants to be married and she comes to me and asks, "Should I marry a certain person?" I will surely answer, "Can you be subject to him?" If you cannot be subject to him, you are not qualified to marry him. You can only marry him if you can submit to him. If you have never intended to submit to him in your heart, you should not be his wife and should not marry him. The day before yesterday, the brothers came and discussed this wedding with me and asked whether my words should be given before or after the wedding ceremony. Finally, we agreed that my words should be spoken after the wedding ceremony because we were afraid that the words would affect the wedding ceremony itself. Yet what I am saying is a fact. Marrying a person means that you are willing to offer yourself up and say, "I am willing to submit."
A fleshly man cannot submit. If you are of the flesh, you cannot get married. Do not think that marriage is something for the flesh. You have to realize that only a spiritual person can marry. In the eyes of the flesh, submission is most difficult. But in the eyes of the spirit, every time you are not submissive, you suffer a wound. If you do not submit, you can give yourself some breathing space, but you will be inwardly wounded.
Once a person asked me, "Why should wives be subject to their husbands?" I do not know. I do not know why wives should be subject to husbands. I only know that the God whom I serve says that wives should be subject to their husbands. I do not know why it is right to do this. I only know that wives should be subject to their husbands. One thing I do know: If a wife is subject to her husband, she always brings in spiritual blessing.
Here we may ask a question: What is submission? Ephesians 6:1 is Paul's word concerning parents and children. He told the children, "Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." It is interesting to note that 5:24 uses the words "be subject" or "submit," while 6:1 uses the word "obey." A wife submits to her husband, whereas a child obeys his parents. There is a great difference. What does it mean to submit? Submission is a matter of attitude, a matter of the spirit. What does it mean to obey? Obedience is a matter of the conscience, a matter of outward behavior. Submission is inward, whereas obedience is outward. Suppose your husband tells you that he wants to eat at twelve o'clock, yet you like to eat at half-past twelve. You realize that wives should submit to their husbands, so you set the table at twelve. But how do you do it? Do you make a great deal of noise setting the table? Have you readied the meal by twelve? Yes, you have. But are you submitting? No, you are not. In God's eyes this is obedience; this is not submission. Obedience is carrying something out; it is accomplishing a task. God did not say that wives should obey. If God had said that wives should obey, then wives should do whatever their husbands want them to do. What God asks from wives is submission. Submitting means to be meek and nonresistant. It does not necessarily mean obedience. For example, many sisters among us have unsaved husbands. The Lord is telling you to submit to your husband, not to obey him. If he asks you to go to a dance hall and you go with him, you are obeying, not submitting. What does it mean to submit? Submission is a matter of the heart, an inward matter, a matter of the spirit, whereas obedience is outward and superficial. Do you see the difference?
Then how do we distinguish the difference? Often wives can disobey their husbands yet at the same time be very submissive. I know of a brother who is not too young; he is in his twenties. When the Bible says that children should obey their parents, it means little children not adults. The father of this brother asked him to do something which a Christian cannot do. When many people obey, they do not submit. But this brother was wonderful; he submitted, but he did not obey. Listen carefully to this word: Submit but not obey. This is a very important word. His father forced him to do something that a Christian cannot do. What could he do? If he did not do it, he would be disobeying, but he had to submit. What could he do? He said, "Father, I wish I could do it, but I cannot." He knelt down before his father, and said in tears, "I wish I could do this, but I really cannot do it." Although he did not obey, he was very submissive. How many times have you said that you wish you could do something? Whether or not you can is a different question. But wishing that you could is submission. I like the expression "I wish I could." I wish is submission, whereas I could is obedience. Every one of us should be submissive. Not only should our sister submit, but also every brother and every sister should submit as well. We should all submit to one another, and no one should have a hard, rebelling, or insubordinate attitude. Often we may do something unwillingly and reluctantly. This is insubordination. We should all learn to submit from our heart.
The husband's demands on the wife are not always that pleasant. Once I was a guest at a brother's house. There was a constant difference of opinion in the house. One person wanted to do one thing, and the other person wanted to do another thing. But the wife in the house was very submissive. Although there were differences in opinion, she was very submissive. Although she did not follow her husband's opinion, she was still very submissive and gentle in her attitude. She said to her husband in a very gentle way, "I cannot do this." Although she did not obey, she was very gentle in her attitude, and the family was a very harmonious one. The cushion of a family is the woman. The floor beneath us does not make any noise because the carpet cushions it. The cushion of a family is the gentleness of the woman. Once we have such a cushion, there will not be much noise in the family. It is true that an unsaved husband may not allow you to be baptized or bind up your hair. But sisters, when you have a husband that does not allow you to do these things, what attitude will you take? Will you say in your heart that you wish you could obey his word but that you cannot? I can tell you honestly that after being a Christian for many years, I have often failed to obey God. Yet God disciplines me and shows me something, and I still fear my God. I have not succeeded in doing many things, but I still fear God; I am still fearful before Him. I wish I could obey. Of course it is another thing when God makes us able to obey. I say this to show you God's demand for us today. There is one element that will keep a family in peace: submission in the sisters.
On the other hand, the brothers have to love; they have to love their wives. Verse 25 is after verse 24. In a family, after the wife submits, the demand is on the husband to love. A husband's love is something active; it is manifested in making provisions for many things. This is not a passive love but an active love. The husband has to actively assume the headship in the family; he has to make arrangements and provisions, provide protection, and take up the responsibility in the family. The ugliest thing in this world is finding a wife who is not submissive. It is also very ugly finding a husband who does not know how to be the head.
During these days, two or three brothers have come to me to ask about marriage. I said that there are four kinds of marriages in this world. Only one of the four is good; the other three are bad. The first kind is for a man to marry a woman, that is, for a proper man to marry a proper woman. This is the best kind. The second kind is not as good, which is for a "woman" to marry a woman, that is, for a submissive man to marry a submissive woman. The third kind is for a man to marry a "man," that is, for a responsible man to marry a responsible woman. The fourth kind is for a submissive man to be married to a responsible woman; it will end up being a terrible family. Such a family is hopeless; nothing can be worse than this kind. I thank the Lord that God's ordination is always wonderful. He ordains a man to be a man. The man has to love and actively take up the responsibility of the family. He has to make arrangements for everything in the house. God loves to see a man be a man. He hates to see a man looking like a woman. The woman should submit. God wants the woman to submit. Submission is in a woman's nature; it is the woman's nature to submit. This is very important. Brother Yang, you can never say to your wife, "Why can't I do what you can do?" You can say this anywhere else, but you cannot say this in the family. You can never say to your wife, "Why can't I do what you can do?" You have to remember that you cannot do what she can do. Similarly, she cannot do what you can do. A wife cannot say to the husband, "Why can't I do what you can do?", and the husband cannot say this to the wife. If you can do what your wife can do, you have become a woman already, and you have not stood on the position that God has ordained for you. A wife cannot say this to her husband, and a husband cannot say this to his wife. This is God's ordination.
May the Lord bless our brother and our sister and show them their responsibilities. You may say, "If I had known that it would be that troublesome, I would not have come this far." This is why I told you earlier that you cannot have a family unless you are spiritual; you will not be able to make it. Many people think that it is a simple thing to have a family. But I must tell you that a family will be an acid test to you. It will show what you can and cannot do. May the Lord bless our brother so that he can love his wife and take up his responsibility to protect, arrange, provide, supply, and be the head of the family. At the same time, may the Lord bless our sister so that she can become a genuine wife and submit in a genuine way. If we all do this, many of the problems in our families will be eliminated, and many blessings will be ushered in.
There is one final word. Today is the first day for you to begin to deal with your problems together. Do not misunderstand, this is not the first day for you to take a nice walk in the park. If you learn your lesson well, perhaps in five years you will have a wonderful family. What is a honeymoon? A honeymoon is the beginning of days of suffering. When will you begin to have some sweet days? If you deal with the differences between the husband and the wife properly, you may have sweet days after five years. But you have to begin to learn before you can expect those days to come. You have to put in some effort before you learn.
Once again, may the Lord bless the two of you and pour down His blessings upon you, and may you be dealt with and learn your lessons day by day. May the Lord bless both of you.
