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Part 5
December 12-16, 1987
On December 5th, 1987, Saturday, Brother Lee returned to Anaheim from Taiwan. Godfred Otuteye, Al Knoch and I plus a number of other brothers went to meet him at the Los Angeles Airport. As soon as time permitted we called him at home and made an appointment to see him the following Saturday morning, December 12.
As the time drew near we received a call from Ken Unger asking if he could accompany us on Saturday morning to see Brother Lee. He himself was intending to visit Brother Lee privately to express his concerns, but another brother in Orange County had counseled him not to go alone but to go with others. We agreed for Ken to come and we called Brother Lee. He also agreed.
Thus on December 12, the four of us – Godfred, Al, Ken, and I – went to Brother Lee’s home. We were thankful that we were finally having the opportunity to open our hearts to him. I began to speak with a few introductory remarks as follows:
“Brother Lee, we have some deep concerns which we want to fellowship with you, concerns which in some ways make it difficult to know how to go on, as we will indicate. But as brothers and co-workers who have been very close to you for many years, we feel we owe it to you to speak our concerns in an honest and full way. We ask that you would please listen to us until the end and hold any remarks you may have until then. You may wonder why we are concerned about some points, but subsequent fellowship, we believe, will clear that up.” We said this because we were afraid we would get hung up on some point and would not be able to present a full view of our concerns in the time we had. We, of course, would have been very happy to fellowship further concerning any matter if Brother Lee desired it, and we did indeed do that.
I continued then to share with him concerning the low state and morale of the churches, as we have mentioned before. I myself was aware of the condition of the churches in most area of the country. Concerning life, the level was very low; concerning truth, in some important aspects it was lacking and little apprehended; concerning service, there was very little heart to serve. Concerning the gospel, referring especially to Anaheim, though there were a few faithful ones caring for the new believers, the number had diminished considerably; moreover, the saints were polarized between those who go out and those who do not. I explained to him that it was not due to a lack of getting into the new move, since most elders and churches had done their utmost to carry out whatever his burden was.
Concerning Brother Lee’s ministry, we had observed, appreciation for it had decreased, and to some extent the credibility of his ministry had been lowered. This was largely due to the fact that so many changes had been introduced and then retracted, and new change made, that many saints were pushed beyond their limit and could not tolerate anymore. We told Brother Lee that many brothers were concerned not only for the Lord’s recovery, but for him and his ministry, which was a surely suffering.
I then spoke about what we felt at that time was one of the major causes of the deterioration, the excessive emphasis on numbers, methods, ways, and activities, which left many of the saints undernourished and dry. More seriously, I said that we had deviated from the central lane of God’s economy according to Brother Lee’s own words. I read to him what he had said about being distracted from life to increase in the publication entitled, “Practical Talks to the Elders” (quoted earlier). Then I analyzed briefly our history, pointing out that every time numbers were emphasized, serious problems were brought in and instead of an increase we eventually experienced a decrease. At a later date, when speaking to Brother Lee again about the excessive emphasis on increase, he replied, “Yes, I admit that whenever we touched the matter in the past we had problems, but we still need the increase.” In years past we had a marvelous increase without emphasizing it at all.
I mentioned that by taking the way of seeking great numbers we were building the great tree of Matt. 13:31-32. Some of us will never forget Brother Lee’s conference in 1963 in Los Angeles exposing the big tree of Matthew 13, referring to the church, which should by the proper growth of a mustard seed be like an herb, but which has grown abnormally great to become a tree, with its nature and function changed. He warned us strongly against this at that time.
I concluded by saying , “the Lord’s recovery is in great jeopardy at this time. There is the great peril of emptiness and division, which we are already experiencing. If we did not speak to you, we would not be faithful to you or to the Lord. We need healing, we need relief, we need to be brought back to the enjoyment of Christ. Otherwise, the new way will not be successful and the saints will be incapable of receiving new help. We hope that maybe you, Brother Lee, may be able to help in this way, perhaps in the coming training.”
Ken Unger continued and spoke with Brother Lee about the promotion and development of Philip Lee’s influence. He mentioned how this promotion had begun in Irving, in 1981, under the leadership of Benson Phillips and Ray Graver. (Ken himself had been strongly influenced by them, and became in orange county one of the strongest proponents of the office and Philip Lee. This gave him an inside view of many things. His wife had faithfully served in the LSM office for years and also had seen and heard much. By this time Ken had deeply regretted his participation in this promotion.)
Ken then spoke of the influence of the LSM office over the churches. He reviewed the matters concerning this that we have outlined previously, and added this important point, that brothers were being frustrated from fellowshipping with Brother Lee directly. Rather they were told to fellowship with Philip Lee. We had passed through the very same kind of activity, only with another brother, in the crisis of 1977-1978.
Then Ken made a number of points of concern regarding the full-time training in Taipei. Some of these have also been outlined previously in this report. He referred to the arrogant attitude and the aberrational remarks of some of the trainers appointed by Brother Lee in Taipei which misrepresented Brother Lee’s ministry. Ken himself had been one of the trainers in Taiwan, so he was familiar with many things. He pointed out how the FTTT was being viewed as a big organization having a hierarchy, with Philip Lee and the trainers at the top. One of the trainers had just recently (in the high school training in Irving, Texas) referred to some things that were being spoken in the “higher echelons of the Lord’s recovery”.
Ken spoke strongly and frankly regarding his concerns for the Taipei training but at no time with Brother Lee did he or anyone else demand that the training be terminated.
Al Knoch then repeated to Brother Lee a number of statements made in the Taipei training and elsewhere that had stirred up our concern. Some of these have already been listed. Others that Al mentioned are as follows:
1. The prediction that the Lord is coming back in 13 years, setting a date for the Lord’s return.
2. The talk of a global coordination, indicating that the elders and the churches should follow not only in principle, but also in detail, what comes out from Taipei. This global coordination was one of the goals of the gospel festival in Taipei in October 1987. There was also talk that the brothers in various places should keep in touch with Andrew Yu regularly to keep up with the latest details.
3. All the brothers must go to Taipei to be brought into the oneness they have there. If you have not gone to Taipei, you are not in the Lord’s move.
4. A brother who was concerned for the saints in a certain church was told to forget the saints and go out, knock on doors, and raise up anew church life. Eventually some of the older saints would then join him.
5. Many people besides the Lord, in the FTTT, were elevated, flattered, called heroes, and publicly given awards.
After Al had covered a fairly long list of statements, Brother Lee asked that the list be typed and a copy given to him. This was done, and we include a copy in the Appendix (see page 77, Appendix A). Al referred to all the worldliness at the graduation ceremony in the stadium in Taiwan and then said, “Some of the saints have expressed the concern that the nature of the Lord’s recovery is being changed.”
Finally Godfred spoke frankly and openly to Brother Lee concerning the serious misconduct related to personnel in the LSM office. Brother Lee listened attentively.
I must say at this point that no time did Godfred or anyone else demand that the manager of the LSM office be discharged, as we are being accused of doing.
By this time the morning had ended and we had to draw to a close. But we were most gratified by Brother Lee’s response. He was very humble and receptive, beyond our anticipation, and he thanked us sincerely for our frankness and openness, shaking each one’s hand. He begged us to pray with him and help him to handle the problem of the misconduct in the LSM office, regarding which he was especially concerned. We assured him that we would do what we could. He then urged us to return in the afternoon for further fellowship and prayer. We gladly consented, and left his home encouraged, yet still realizing it would be a difficult road ahead.
We returned to Brother Lee’s home at 4:30 P. M. that afternoon at his request, expecting to have a good season of prayer. We urgently needed to pray. But we were disappointed when Brother Lee began, without prayer, to share with us for some time his burden for further steps in his work and ministry and the churches. Eventually we had some very brief prayer. Brother Lee then said that the hardest case to deal with was the misconduct in the LSM office. He asked us what we thought he should do, and we discussed the situation. Brother Lee remarked that all the things we shared with him in the morning regarding this matter may be true. Regarding the controlling of the churches by the management of the LSM Office, Brother Lee said that he had advised Philip Lee never to give any impression of such a thing. He told us that he had instructed him ten times never to touch the churches, the elders, the co-workers, or the work. That Brother Lee had to tell him ten times indicates that there was indeed a problem. But this matter, he said, would not be hard to deal with.
Brother Lee then requested that we return again in the evening for further fellowship, which we gladly agreed to. At 7:30 P. M. we met again and at the end of our talk, Brother Lee asked us to return again the following Monday morning. To this we also agreed. But when we left we were not so encouraged. Brother Lee, however, was quite concerned about finding a way to resolve the matter of the misconduct, realizing, I believe, that this was a substantial threat to his ministry.
Monday morning, December 14th, we came again to Brother Lee’s home. After some brief prayer, Brother Lee gave his analysis of our past history, leading the very low rate of increase in recent years – in the U.S., in Taiwan, and in Germany. It was at this point that he admitted that the emphasis on increase in the past had brought trouble. He felt that we had a good start in the U.S., which reached a high point in 1969-70. Then we lost it. The migrations were the factor. In Los Angeles all the saints were concentrated in one place and under the proper leadership. But when the migrations came, what was gained in Los Angeles was lost. In 1974 he had the burden to put out the life-studies, and for twelve years he focused on that, neglecting the proper care of the churches. This also accounted for the loss and poor condition. The spread has been good, he said, but the increase has been short. No one rose up to care for the churches in Taiwan and the U. S. and he got disappointed. Where were the brothers, he asked, to care for the churches as in Elden Hall, Los Angeles?
He referred to the problem of the full-timers in Orange County. Who should care for them? To whom could he hand them over? The training from Taiwan had spread everywhere, he said. Only one church in the Far East was troubled by the training. The Lord got the victory in Taipei. But in the U.S. there were two groups of saints {those who agreed with him, and those who dissented from him}, which caused a real problem. England did not get much help, he stated, because they became opinionated, and opinions kill things. You must have one driver in the driver’s seat. Where is the one accord today? Pooh!
Brother Lee went on. At this juncture, he said, the problem of Philip Lee came in and made the clouds thicker. If the brothers were stronger, Philip Lee could never have come in. Benson Phillips’ and Ray Graver’s promotion of Philip Lee was wrong. Have I ever made Philip Lee a co-worker? He asked rhetorically? He remonstrated with the leading brothers among the Chinese saints, saying, why did you refer certain things to Philip Lee? Philip Lee is not ambitious, he said, but if you open to him and give him some ground, then he takes it.
Addressing us, Brother Lee asked, Why didn’t you brothers with Bill Mallon come to me a long time ago with what was bothering you? (I have already said why we felt we needed to wait till Brother Lee returned from Taiwan in order to face to face.) Brother Lee then outlined his plans for the future. He said he would visit all the places and encourage the saints to enjoy Christ more and more. But by that alone the Lord would not be satisfied; we must go on to 1 Corinthians 14 {concerning the proper meetings}. We still need the old way, he said {perhaps by this he meant one-man ministry}, to bring them back and work on them. He himself must return to Taiwan, for they {the churches in Taiwan} were not yet steadily founded. He also had the burden to visit the churches in the U.S. and clear up many misunderstandings.
I mention this talk of Brother Lee’s in some detail to show what his thoughts were at that juncture.
December 14, 1987
On the evening of Monday, December 14, 1987, Brother Lee called a meeting of the elders of southern California. There was a fair number there representing most of the churches in the area. After prayer, Brother Lee opened the fellowship by giving a long word concerning the new way and its great success in Taiwan. Then he asked for fellowship from the brothers, desiring especially to know how successful the new way had been in their locality.
Dick Taylor, an elder in Long Beach, started with a lively, full-of enjoyment kind of testimony, such as Dick is well-known for, thanking the Lord for the door-knocking and the Gospel preaching in Long Beach, but ending with an honest word about the depression and the discouragement among some of the saints. This was unusual for Dick but he was telling it like it was. Other brothers followed who also spoke very honestly about dissensions concerning the new way and discouragement among the saints in their localities, for which they were very concerned. In some places divisions had arisen over the new way. John Smith, an elder in San Diego, ended the time of sharing with an honest account of his concerns for the saints in his church, mentioning how he feared that with the overemphasis on methods, numbers, and increase the saints would become activity-centered instead of Christ-centered.
What was extraordinary was the elders speaking up in such an honest and forthright way, knowing that such reports were not what Brother liked or wanted to hear. We were not accustomed to doing this due partly to a sense of intimidation. To my knowledge this was the first time that had been done. This was encouraging. But Brother Lee was visibly bothered, and later reacted strongly to the brothers’ speaking, saying of one brother’s sharing (John Smith’s) that it was like pouring iced water on him.
We were not the only ones who went to brother Lee with our concerns during these days. We heard that Dan Towle, individually, and Frank Scavo together with Dick Taylor also went to see Brother Lee to express to him their concerns about the present situation.
Brother Lee called the four of us who had met with him for another time of fellowship on Wednesday, December 16th, the day before he left for the winter training in Irving. The fellowship did not issue in any conclusions. He said then that he wanted to continue to meet with us after he returned from the training to resolve the problem related to the LSM office. We agreed.
Ken Unger and I were burdened to attend the coming elders’ meetings to take place prior to the winter training in Irving, Texas, December 22 and 23, 1987. We prepared to leave on December 19th, a few days early, as we desired to have an opportunity to speak with Benson Phillips and Ray Graver before the elders’ meetings commenced.
December 19,1987
In the morning of December 19, just before Ken and I were to leave for Texas that afternoon, the sister form the LSM office who had spoken to me on September 30th (see page 10) called and asked to speak to Godfred and me. We met with her and were utterly amazed at what we heard. He began to relate to us in detail some of the things she suffered while in the service of the LSM office. She wanted us to realize how grave the problem was. We were revulsed to the depths of our being, and when the conversation ended and we parted, we so full of abhorrent feelings that we were literally in a daze.
Godfred drove me to the airport to meet Ken. We were in a state of shock and utter disgust. All this had taken place in what we called the Lord’s recovery! We felt that Benson Phillips and Ray Graver, who were deeply involved in the LSM operation, must surely know something of these matters. Therefore, we resolved to confer with them about this when we got to Irving.
December 1987
On Saturday afternoon, December 19th Ken Unger and I flew to Irving. I did not relate to him what the sister from the LSM office had just told us. On Monday, December 21st, we made an appointment to see Benson Phillips and Ray Graver in the morning. Having been intimate co-workers with them for many years, and knowing that they were aware of many things, we mentioned the concerns that we had presented to Brother Lee on December 12th, excluding the matter of the misconduct in the LSM office. We wanted especially to let them know how strongly we felt regarding the colossal mistake they had made in promoting and exalting the office and Philip Lee, starting in 1981. They said that they did not feel they had erred much. This really surprised and disappointed us. We tried to impress them how serious this matter was. They invited us out for dinner, and we decided to meet again in the afternoon to continue our fellowship.
Upon coming together we attempted amid protests to mention the matter of the misconduct in the LSM office. They steadfastly refused to hear about it, but we proceeded to speak. Ray Graver then quickly rose and exited the room. Benson (in whose home we were meeting) also rose to register his displeasure. We felt that they had knowledge relevant to the matter and wanted to confer with them about it. Benson admitted that the same sister from the LSM office (mentioned previously) had come to him in Taipei to disclose a related event, but he strongly protested our bringing this matter before them. They argued that this affair was exclusively under the jurisdiction of the church in Anaheim, and they had no business being involved. We felt, as we mentioned earlier, that it was more than local, and that since that they were leaders in the LSM operation, they could be consulted. Some time later, however, I apologized to Benson and Ray for this, feeling that if they chose not to hear, we should not have forced the issue.
That night we met with some of the elders who had arrived for the elders’ meetings and had some fellowship and prayer. At the same time Bill Mallon was meeting with Brother Lee to open his heart to him.
The next morning, December 22nd, the elders’ meetings began with Brother Lee giving a word that was well accepted. While speaking, he referred to Bill Mallon with very commendatory words, saying that he wanted all the brothers to know that he stood with Bill, and he was not happy that other brothers had criticized Bill. Titus Chu, seeking to encourage Bill, said that Brother Lee had never done that for any brother. I personally had never heard Brother Lee support a brother so strongly.
In the elders’ meeting that night the atmosphere entirely changed. Brother Lee was fighting mad. It seemed clear to us that Benson Phillips and Ray Graver had gone to Brother Lee that afternoon and told him all that we had told them. He was on fire. His whole message was a vindication of himself regarding some of the concerns we had shared with him. It was obvious that he was rebuking and dealing with us publicly, though not mentioning our names. We had seen him do this kind of thing a number of times with other brothers. Perhaps he feels that this is the scriptural way.
The next morning in the last elders’ meeting, Brother Lee went at it again, lashing out fiercely concerning a number of things. He was exceedingly hot and strongly vindicated himself while rebuking his supposed opposers, especially us. I felt he was not fair, not speaking truly, and not acting appropriately. A number of brothers were grieved and disturbed. After the meeting I went up to him and asked if we could have a little time of fellowship that afternoon. He was quite willing and we set the time at 3:30 P.M.
Following my contact with Brother Lee after the meeting, John Chang, one of the leaders in Orange County among the Chinese saints, approached Ken and me. Ken had talked at length with John the previous evening and discovered that he shared many of the same concerns we did. This brother in the morning meeting had sat next to one of the leading elders from Taipei, Lin Rong, and had mentioned to him that we were very concerned about the present situation. Lin Rong responded that he would like to have some time with Ken and me if we were willing and if it could be arranged. John Chang told us of this, and we consented to meet with him, agreeing to have lunch together. This we did – Lin Rong, John Chang, Ken Unger, and myself. We were really surprised that one of the elders from Taipei would like to speak to us and that he too was concerned, and we wondered what would come out of that.
At the restaurant we began to fellowship. Lin Rong appeared very solicitous of the fellowship and indicated that he also was quite concerned about the situation, although I noted that he never mentioned what his concerns were. He was desirous to know our concerns, so we opened to him and eventually mentioned, with tears, the items we had shared with Brother Lee. He listened attentively. We then left, delivering the brothers to their respective dwellings, and asking Lin Rong to keep what we had shared with him in confidence. He said he would.
That afternoon I went to Brother Lee’s apartment according to our appointment. My desire was to assure him that I was not opposing his burden as set forth in the main points of the “new way” (as it was defined in those days). He had indicated that we were indeed opposing. I told him that I was absolutely not against the preaching of the gospel by door-knocking or by any way; that I was absolutely not against the practice of home meetings; and that I was not against any other matter he emphasized. Rather, I was for these things. Brother Lee received my fellowship and remarked that he had never had any problem with me; he only felt that I should have stayed in Anaheim more and not traveled so much. Our talk ended peacefully, but I was not encouraged.
That evening the winter training began, and the next morning Ken and I together with Dick Taylor caught an early flight back to Los Angeles. At the airport to meet us, according to an arrangement made in Irving, was Gene Gruhler. Gene wanted, he said, to have a time of fellowship with me, and the only time available was to talk as we drove back to Anaheim from the airport. The conversation in the car was not pleasant. I rebuked Gene, and he rebuked me. I rebuked him for something he said in the elders’ meetings in Irving which I felt misrepresented the feeling of a number of. He rebuked me for sharing my concerns with others, which he felt was forming a party. Actually, I had only spoken to a few brothers at that time, brothers with whom I was closely related in the Lord’s work and with whom I had opened my heart for years. And, it was for the purpose of going to see Brother Lee together. I did not consider this forming a party.)
Then Gene said that if we didn’t take Brother Lee’s leadership, who would be the leader? “You??!! he said, indicating me. But I had no desire to be such a leader; I am not that kind of person. He exhorted me to take Brother Lee’s leadership. I told Gene that I would follow Brother Lee’s leadership in the sphere of life and truth. Gene interpreted that to mean that I would not follow his leadership in practice, and he remonstrated with me concerning this. In some things that was true. I could not conscientiously follow everything in all good faith as I had done before. Gene’s intention, no doubt, was to try to help me, and I appreciate that. He surely was disappointed. He dropped Ken and me off at my house and then went to see Al Knoch to try to render him some help. So ended a turbulent and exhausting trip to Texas.
January 30, 1988
After Brother Lee returned from the training in Irving, he called me on the phone and said that he would like to meet with Ken Unger and me on Thursday night, January 7th, 1988, and with Al Knoch, Godfred Otuteye, Ken Unger, and me on Friday night, January 8th.
On Thursday evening Ken and I sat before Brother Lee in his home. He told us at the outset that he knew about our talk with Benson and Ray and what we said to them (we were already aware of that). He also told us that he knew about our meeting with Lin Rong, the Taipei elder. Lin Rong had gone to Brother Lee, and, we believe, to others following our time with him and informed them of everything we said. This is the one who had come to us apparently so solicitous and with all confidentiality. It is not that we were ashamed of what we said, but his motive in seeking our fellowship was highly suspect and his conduct unethical and reprehensible. I was disgusted.
Brother Lee was very disturbed by some of the things we said to these brothers. He heard that in speaking to Lin Rong we made reference to “central control” among the churches, and this was a very great offense to him. I told Brother Lee that what we actually said was that there was a tendency toward centralization. Central control and centralization, of course, indicate approximately the same thing, though the term centralization puts the practice in a little better light, reducing somewhat the idea of control. In retrospect, we had much more than a tendency toward centralization. This word went to the heart of the problem. We always had said that our headquarters was not in Anaheim or in Taipei or in any place on this earth, but in the heavens. Could we honestly say that now? Taipei was called the center of the universe by some in the full-time training in Taiwan.
Brother Lee mentioned then that Bill Mallon, John So, and myself all used the same term – central control. He deduced that we must have consulted or “conspired” together. The fact was that we all had the same realization because of separate similar experiences without any consultation and certainly without any “conspiring “ with each other. John So began to be concerned in 1986, Bill Mallon in the spring of 1987, and myself in the fall of 1987. Eventually, as we had done for years, we had telephone contact with each other, and our heart’s burden came out.
The next evening, Friday, January 8th, the four of us met again with Brother Lee at his request. – Al, Godfred, Ken, and I. He condemned us strongly for the way we had handled things and said that we no longer qualified to help him deal with the misconduct in the LSM office or to deal with it as the church. He was especially perturbed that we had brought up this matter with Benson and Ray and also with Lin Rong. Thus he said we had disqualified ourselves. Brother Lee’s attitude and demeanor were very disturbing to us. Outside his home, after we left, we conversed for a few minutes, all of us somewhat in a daze, deeply disappointed and troubled. There was a hardness in our brother that made us feel it was hopeless to engage in any further fellowship.
30.01.1988
On Saturday morning, January 30th, Brother Lee met with all the full-timers in Orange County, along with a number of the elders. He gave them a message and then took them all out from under the hand of the LSM office and turned them over to the churches, charging them to submit to the elders in the localities in Orange County where they lived and served. They were divided among the churches in Anaheim, Fullerton, Huntington Beach, Irvine, Cypress, and Long Beach. We all felt that this was a positive move on behalf of the full-timers, putting them in a more normal situation in the sphere of the church life. Brother Lee expected that the elders in each locality would assist and direct them I their service and study of the Word.
In Anaheim there were about twelve full-timers or part-timers for whom we were responsible. They were indeed precious and prospective young people. I always considered them such and never said anything to the contrary, as I am being charged. We loved them and cared for them. (I am still in contact and good fellowship with a number of them.) We were burdened to help them get into the Word regularly and diligently; hence for four mornings every week beginning in February 1988 Al Knoch and I labored with them in the Word, beginning in Philippians, then Galatians, and then Colossians. This brought us into the month of June, when we stopped in time for the summer training. The word was very rich to us and full of light.
A few of the full-timers began to acquire jobs, and after the summer training others felt that they also needed employment to care for the living expenses. The church in Anaheim did its best to help support some of them, but one couple felt in their conscience that the fruit of their work did not merit the support, and they preferred to earn a living themselves. Some, incidentally, were very disappointed with the progress of the new ones from whom they were caring, especially one couple who were doing their best to care for a few Spanish-speaking people baptized during the “blitz.” By the summer months there was hardly anyone left who could serve on a full-time basis. And so passed another stage. It was not a totally normal situation either for the full-timers or for the church.
December 1987 – March 1988
In late December a brother in the church in Anaheim who had been severely damaged through the misconduct in LSM office was so traumatized psychologically that he sought revenge and took definite steps to execute a very grave act. (Thank God it never happened.) This came too the ears of one of the elders in Anaheim, who without any delay met with him to calm and divert him. Some time later two of us met with him. The dear brother was greatly disturbed emotionally, with good cause humanly speaking. But, he was very open to us, and the Lord was merciful to him. Actually, he had already halted in his course – the Lord would not let him proceed – but his feelings were still very raw, and he desperately needed help. We loved him and did our best to comfort him. This incident illustrates the gravity of the situation.
In March 1988 this affair also came to the ears of Dan Towle, who was an elder in Fullerton, and who with great alarm took upon himself to call Brother Lee and divulge all the details to him. He did not know that the brothers in Anaheim were already caring for the brother, since he did not take pains to call them. Brother Lee told him to contact us. So he called, telling us what he had done and asking for fellowship. We got together – Dan, Godfred, and I. We were very annoyed with Dan for taking matters into his own hands and calling brother Lee without contacting the brothers in Anaheim and we told him so. The course he had taken totally neglected the proper fellowship among the churches we should have. Of course, he was relieved to hear that the problem was resolved.
March 24, 26, 1988
There was a couple in Anaheim who were seriously injured by the misconduct related to the LSM office, and they were deeply offended with Brother Lee for tolerating such a situation to exist and also for not giving them an ear to relate the problems they had experienced when they went to him earlier in the year. We felt that Brother Lee should be made aware of the great offense on his part suffered by this couple, therefore we requested a time to speak with him. It was granted and on March 24, Godfred, Al, and I met with Brother Lee in his home. We explained the feeling of the couple toward him and appealed to him to give them a hearing. He agreed to do this, and a date was set for the following Saturday.
While we were with Brother Lee he remarked that it had been one hundred days since we had come to him on December 12th 1987, and opened our hearts regarding our concerns. He said that not one day had passed that he did not consider what to do. Moreover, he added that he felt that he should not do anything and not succumb to any pressure exercised upon him.
On Saturday evening, March 26th, Godfred, myself, and the husband of this couple met with Brother Lee. (Brother Lee felt it would be too awkward for the wife to be there as well.) The husband opened up with a very good attitude and related in some detail the mistreatment his wife had experienced in serving with the LSM office in the full-time training in Taipei. Brother Lee listened attentively with a most serious demeanor, and then expressed his feeling of sorrow for the whole affair, saying, "My heart is broken!" He explained why he did not feel free to listen to them previously, and then spoke of his appreciation for the faithful service of the wife over many years. At the end of the time Brother Lee pronounced the Lord’s blessing on this brother and his wife. We prayed and then departed, the brother feeling somewhat relieved that he was able to discharge his grief and burden to Brother Lee, but still not at all happy about the whole affair. This was the settlement rendered on one side to deal with a very serious offense stemming from the service in the LSM office.
April 1988
On Easter weekend, April 1-3, 1988, the church in Charlotte, N. C. invited me to come and share the word of the Lord. I did so. Many saints representing the churches in North and South Carolina plus some from Virginia and Georgia gathered for the conference. I ministered to them concerning the Lord’s word to the seven churches in Revelation 2 and 3, mentioning nothing whatever of the problems we had encountered. We emphasized the need of coming back to the beginning, as the Apostle John emphasized in his ministry, back to Christ as the tree of life and back to our first love for Him.
A number of brothers in North Carolina – in Charlotte, Greensboro, Chapel Hill, and Raleigh – already had very much the same concerns as we had, and we fellowshipped with them outside the conference meetings regarding our situation in the work, the ministry office, and the churches. We also talked with Brother John Little, who came there from Nashville, about some of the present problems, and he was very open to us, agreeing at that time with all our concerns regarding the present situation in the work, the ministry office, and the churches. We were burdened to open to him since we had known him well for many years and wanted him to know how we felt.
At the end of April 1988 I was invited to come to Miami, Florida, for a conference with the churches in Southern Florida. It was held April 29th through May 1st. I spoke there again on the Lord’s word to the seven churches, but in a different way, this time emphasizing the practicality and spirituality of the local churches: the practicality being embodied in the local nature of the church, and the spirituality in the three matters of love, life, and light, so stressed in John’s ministry. Concerning the practicality, I emphasized the need for local administration in every church balanced with mutual fellowship together among all the churches.
I had been helped much through a re-reading of Brother Watchman Nee’s The Normal Christian Church Life to see the "intensely local" nature of the church and as a result felt that we were seriously straying from this important aspect. I stressed in the conference the need for the elders in each church to go directly to the Lord praying and seeking His leading regarding their particular church, just as the parents of a family take special care for the needs of their own family, whatever the requirements of other families might be. This preserves the practical, real, and direct headship of Christ over His people. On the other hand, there is the need for much fellowship universally with other churches and all saints to receive their grace, their fellowship, their portion, walking together with them as one body. This preserves the reality and organic unity of the Body of Christ. We need both the local administration and universal mutual fellowship. This was my main burden.
After the conference I had several times of fellowship with a smaller group of brothers with whom I shared some of our concerns regarding the present situation in the churches. I sincerely regretted after these times of smaller group fellowship that we dwelt too much on the problems and not adequately on the positive side of our going on. The content of our fellowship, however, did express my honest observations and concerns.
Brother Lee informed me at a later date that a full report of what I had spoken both publicly in the large meetings and privately in the smaller groups was passed on to him. Some of the things I was reported to have said troubled him and offended him greatly, and he has repeated them many times. Perhaps I should address and give a true account of some of the matters at this juncture.
In the last meeting of the conference I made reference to Abraham’s marriage to Hagar and its fruit, Ishmael. However, I made no application to our present situation, as the tape recordings of that meeting will bear out. We had been studying Galatians with the full-timers in Anaheim, and the passage concerning Abraham and Hagar in chapter four had been freshly and deeply impressed upon me. In the small group meetings I made some remarks that I felt we were indeed in danger in the present move of participating in the works of the flesh as Abraham did with Hagar with the result of bringing forth Ishmael. We also noted that because of this act God did not appear to Abraham for thirteen years. It has been reported that I said these thirteen years, in our present experience, started from 1974 (when Brother Lee began the Life Studies of the Bible) and continued to 1987. This surprised me. I do not remember ever having this thought, to say nothing about speaking it. Moreover, I do not believe that the Lord did not speak to us during that period. Much was being said in Taipei about their being thirteen years until the Lord comes back, from 1987 till 2000. Now that particular thirteen years did occur to me as having a possibility of similarity, and I feared that what happened to Abraham might be our plight in the coming years. I believe I mentioned this to the brothers at that time. Perhaps this is what the reporter was referring to.
The conference in Miami caused a great stir, particularly regarding our comments on the local administration of the churches. This was the first time I had ever spoken this, and it came out of a fresh realization and burden, though it was a truth I always believed to be scriptural. I will refer to this matter later in the narrative.
May 15, 1988
It had been our habit in the church life for the elders to make all the decisions concerning meetings, service, etc., and simply announce them to the saints, expecting everyone to comply and follow, which most did. What we greatly lacked was adequate fellowship with the saints to learn their feeling regarding various aspects of the church life. We were impressed that we should proceed no longer with this glaring deficiency of communication, nor should we make all the decisions by ourselves and hand them down as a kind of ruling oligarchy.
In the church in Anaheim during the Spring of 1988 it was necessary to come to some conclusions regarding the schedule of our meetings and the place of the Lord’s Table meeting, whether in the homes or in the hall. We believed that it was fitting to call a special meeting of all the saints to seek the best way together. This we did on the Lord’s Day evening, May 15th. The atmosphere was excellent, and everyone was very happy and participated well. Many shared their impression concerning the issues, and the decisions were made in a very good flow with the whole body concurring. The saints felt honored and appreciative that they were all included and could participate as proper members of the Body. After the meeting we had a love feast, and one brother said to me exultingly, "Hallelujah, I’m actually a member of the Body!"
For this organic function of the Body to succeed, it is imperative, of course, to be in the Spirit, denying themselves, and open to the Lord and to one another. The saints should be encouraged to do this. Although there may be difficulties, with patience and faith and the flesh being brought into subjection, I believe we will have a further experience of the fellowship of the Body. We do not mean by this to practice a democracy. We are not for that. Neither are we for a theocracy or an oligarchy. We desire a true theocracy, the kingdom of God, where the Head makes His mind known through the members of His Body.
May – June 1988
During the months of May and June 1988 I was asked to minister in a number of places, in almost all of which I was burdened to share from the Lord’s word to the seven churches in Rev. 2 and Rev. 3. We emphasized the need to come back to the beginning, saying that the way for us to go on is to come back – back to the living person of Christ as the tree of life. We also spoke in some places concerning the need for local administration in the churches to preserve the Lord’s headship as we did in Miami. Some saints who were in these conferences were disturbed because we were not speaking exactly the same things as Brother Lee concerning the "new way", although we certainly were not teaching anything different from God’s economy, Christ and the church.
The brothers in Orange County, California, were desirous of having a conference and arranged for one meeting to be held in Long Beach (Friday night), another in Huntington Beach (Saturday night), and the last in Irvine (Lord’s Day evening). This transpired over the weekend of June 3-5, 1988. The Lord’s blessing was on these meetings as we spoke here locally the same as we had spoke in other churches elsewhere: coming back to the beginning, Christ as our unique Head and center, and local administration and universal mutual fellowship. In Irvine we also stressed the need of all the saints to feed richly on the Word of God for the building up of the church.
Attending the conference meeting in Irvine were Joseph Fung of Hong Kong and Paul Ma of Santa Cruz, California. It was the first time I had seen these brothers in years and I did not know just where they stood in regard to the concerns we had. They, on the other hand, did not know where I stood. They asked to have a time of fellowship with me the next day, Monday, June 6th, at which time I testified to them what we realized and passed through in recent months. They fully echoed our concerns. I was impressed to learn that Joseph Fung, as well as many others in the Far East had the same burden and realization as we had. This was an encouragement and strengthening.
The brothers in Anaheim wanted me to share the Word in a little conference there. This I did in two meetings, Saturday evening and the Lord’s Day morning, June 18th and 19th. On Saturday evening we ministered from Ezra on leaving Babylon (which had been manifested in the confusion, division, and depression among us in Anaheim) and returning to Jerusalem to build the house of the Lord. There was a strong sense of the Lord’s speaking and presence, and the sharings of the saints were excellent and very inspiring.
June 20, 22, 1988
On Monday morning June 20th, Brother Lee called us – Godfred, Al, and me – to come to his home for further fellowship that night. Due to the restrictions of my health I told Brother Lee that I would have to leave by 10:00 P.M., knowing how easy it is for such meetings to be prolonged late into the night. He replied that there would be no problem, that the meeting would probably be concluded by 8:30 P.M. During this time he especially mentioned he had recently received complaining about my speaking in various conferences. He rose out of his seat and went into his office, bringing back with him a file folder which he reported was full of letters concerning my speaking. We could only see it across the room at a distance, and it appeared to contain a large amount of 8 ½ x 11 paper, which I assumed to be transcripts of some of my messages sent to him by saints desiring to express their loyalty and faithfulness to his ministry. I was not surprised. Such a reaction was inevitable considering the concept governing the saints. We went on to discuss the current problems.
The hours passed as I was certain they would, and it was soon 10:00 P.M. I was already worn out, so I asked the brothers if they would please excuse me according to my word. As I rose to leave, Brother Lee turned to me and asked me to forgive him for anything he had done over the years that may have offended me, thinking that my speaking in the conferences was occasioned by some offense I suffered from him. His voice broke as he spoke. I assured him that what I said was due to nothing whatever of that nature, and that I had no personal problem with him at all, but rather that I spoke out of genuine concern for the truth. He abruptly dropped the matter, and turning to the other brothers he changed the subject. I then departed, leaving Brother Lee, Godfred, and Al engaged in further discussion.
Godfred and Al continued their fellowship with Brother Lee until 11:00 P.M., the content of which was reported to me the next morning by Godfred. I was told that at one point in answer to Brother Lee’s inquiry, asking what we should do to deal with the issues, Godfred proposed that a number of brothers come together with Brother Lee for several days to confront the issues in fellowship and arrive at a satisfactory resolution. At first Brother Lee was not receptive, feeling that because of what had transpired he would not have the ground with certain brothers to invite them to come. Then he suggested that both he and ourselves could sign a letter of invitation to make it more acceptable to come. This satisfied him, and he became very favorable to the proposition. But no definite decision was made that night, as Godfred and Al said that they would have to speak with me about the matter.
Upon hearing Godfred’s proposal the next morning I had a deep sense of apprehension and was reluctant to agree. Yet since the brothers felt to proceed in this direction I forced myself to go along. Brother Lee called Godfred that morning to learn what decision was made, and Godfred told him he would have to call me, which he did. We talked about the matter and came up with names of about fifteen elders and leading co-workers throughout the United States and Europe who would be invited. Brother Lee then suggested that some time after the summer training would be suitable to him and that we should decide what days would suit us and let him know. He would then try to arrange his schedule accordingly. I agreed very reluctantly, that we would do this.
During the following days I considered the whole matter at length and after much thought felt deeply that it would not be profitable for the truth’s sake, and that however misunderstood we may be we should not proceed. We had already met with Brother Lee a good number of times, opening to him and expressing our concerns to him, and made very little progress. Moreover, we feared, from past experience, that if we had such a meeting Brother Lee would dominate it, overwhelm us, and eventually whitewash the issues. Frankly speaking, my trust in Brother Lee, which had once been so high was greatly reduced; he had lost much of his credibility with me. I shared my conclusion with Godfred and Al, and they agreed not to go ahead with it. We did not, however, communicate with Brother Lee immediately. Later, when he inquired concerning the matter I told him that we felt not to proceed.
A little while afterwards, when speaking on the phone with one of the elders in Long Beach, I told him of the proposal and our decision. He agreed with me that it would not be profitable. But his concurrence did not influence me; I was already convinced.
Since Brother Lee had expressed the thought that some sort of personal offense had given rise to my speaking, I felt it would be profitable to have an additional time to open again to him my burden and concern, indicating that I was only concerned with the truth and its practice and that there was no personal problem involved. I called him the day following our last visit and proposed another meeting together, this time with just the two of us. He welcomed my proposal, expressing his desire that we should meet. The next morning, Wednesday, June 22nd, we sat down together in his home. Again I covered with Brother Lee in a rather full and complete way all my anxieties concerning the churches and the work, speaking frankly and trying to make my feelings clear. Brother Lee heard me out, but it seemed that he was merely tolerating me and what I had to say. He had little to say in response. It was not encouraging. At the end of the time I remarked that unless he would have some change it would be difficult for the churches to go on. This was now the twelfth session that I had with Brother Lee since December 12th, 1987, either individually or with others.
It was about this time that Brother Lee notified us that he had discharged Philip Lee from the management of the Living Stream Office, stating that it was a very hard step for him to take.
July 1988
The summer training began in Anaheim on June 29th and covered the first part of Leviticus. Godfred had no heart to attend the training, I attended part time mornings, and Al Knoch attended full time. We were troubled by the way Brother Lee used some of the messages to deal with the present situation. He was obviously preoccupied by it. This was the last training of Brother Lee’s that I ever was to attend. Following the training Brother Lee called for two elders’ meetings to be held on Saturday morning, July 9th. There were approximately four hundred elders and learning elders present. Brother Lee gave two messages: in the first he spoke on God’s administration and addressed the matters of "autonomy" and "federation". This was a very clear reference to the things I had spoken regarding the local administration of the churches, warning against the dangers of church affiliation or federation, which lead to central control and denominationalism. Brother Lee believed strongly that my stress on local administration would lead to the independence of all the local churches. As a matter of fact, I never once in all my speaking used the word "autonomy." But in Brother Lee’s own publication, The Beliefs and Practices of the Local Churches, the word "autonomy" is used positively two times. I believe Brother Lee felt that, by my speaking, his concept of all the local churches moving and acting as one body under his leadership was threatened. Therefore, he fought against the imagined devil, autonomy, in every conference of his for months to come, referring to it as a wind of teaching brought in by the sleight of men to fabricate a system of error. The word "federation," which I did indeed use, offended him greatly. He believed I was classifying all the local churches under his leadership as a federation, whereas he insisted they were the "organic Body of Christ." He began to use the word "organic" frequently. I wish the churches were so organic. We were witnessing so much that was absolutely inorganic among the churches, things that were rather organizational and exhibiting signs of a hierarchy, for example in the FTTT. Therefore, I warned the saints against a kind of federation. Actually, I used the word "affiliation" much more, which is a milder form of federation, but nonetheless fraught with perils. The local churches had surely become an affiliation.
We had seen that in church history, whenever the Lord had raised up groups of His people for His testimony, they had persistently degraded into denominations; and the first two signs of this degradation were unfailingly: 1) the affiliating of the groups under a central leadership; 2) the establishing of a central training center, where their full-time workers could be educated and equipped to serve in their sphere of fellowship. When these two steps had eventualized, they were well on their way to becoming just another denomination, however advanced in the knowledge of truth they were. It was more than obvious that we in the local churches had taken those identical steps and were going down the same road. Should we remain silent?
In his second message of the elders’ meetings, Brother Lee spoke concerning our going on. After all our sessions and hours of fellowship with Brother Lee, we had hoped that he would take steps to clear up a number of things publicly. This was surely an excellent opportunity, a perfect forum, and an appropriate time. He did give a few principles for our going on which would be helpful if practiced. He did say, "It is altogether wise and profitable that we do not expect all the churches to be the same," and, "Do not talk about who is for this or who is for that…We should not label ourselves or label others." We were thankful to hear these comments and urgings. But we were deeply disappointed that he did not go much further. What he should have cleared up he covered up, e.g., problems regarding the LSM office and the FTTT training in Taipei. We hoped he would have repented for some things that had caused many problems, not just for allowing saints from the U.S. to attend the training in Taiwan. We surely would have respected him had he done this, and the situation could have been altogether different than it turned out. [John is referring to what became Book Nine of the Elders' Training fellowship.]
At the close of Brother Lee’s second message, Dick Taylor (of Long Beach) and Frank Scavo (of Irvine) asked questions which Brother Lee attempted to answer. Dick’s question was quite appropriate and fit our situation. It was as follows: "Many times you reach a point in your experience where you have genuine concerns. How can you fellowship about these concerns without being considered as negative and thereby causing another problem? This is a concern to me and this is related to the freedom of seeking the Lord and the truth." In Brother Lee’s response he said that if you have a genuine concern for anyone in regard to the Lord’s recovery you should go to him alone without talking to anyone else. Any "pre-talk", he said, opens the door for the devil to come in. Now this may be true in many cases, but in our history of contacting Brother Lee over our concerns we felt we could not and should not do that. Since the issues were so momentous we needed fellowship for a clearer understanding and preparation for visiting him. In fact, Brother Lee and brothers around him have also had a lot of consultation among themselves regarding concerns for other brothers before going to them. I know because I myself participated in such discussions.
Brother Lee’s attitude while speaking was gentle and persuasive; he was seeking in this way to reconcile all the brothers and to set a course that would calm any fears or anxieties and eliminate any problems. Many were very happy with his fellowship; I was not at all happy or at peace.
During these elders’ meetings I sat next to an elder who had spoken with me a few times previously and was very sympathetic with our concerns, having much the same concerns himself. We agreed to meet together for some fellowship that evening over dinner. This we did, and as we ate we conversed about Brother Lee’s messages that day and their impact on the situation in general. The brother felt happy and said to me, "John , I think this is the best we can expect from Brother Lee. Be thankful." I tried to be; I tried to take his view. But in the depths of my being there was a nagging disappointment. Nothing had been dealt with. No wrongs had been righted. The root was not touched. The question loomed before us, What shall we do now? I knew I had to be true to my conscience and the truth I had seen.
July 15, 1988
The following week Brother Lee notified me of the annual meeting of the Board of Directors of the Living Stream Ministry. I had been a board member and the secretary of the corporation since its inception in 1968, and I still occupied these positions. The meeting was to take place at his home, Friday morning, July 15th. Present at the meeting were Brother Lee, Sister Lee, Philip Lee, Francis Ball, and myself, the five board members. Brother Lee as the president called the meeting to order and announced that the main purpose of the meeting was to elect officers for the coming year. He then nominated the following persons for election as officers: Witness Lee, president; Francis Ball, secretary; and Benson Phillips, treasurer. Brother Lee wanted to terminate my function and replace me as secretary, and I could understand that. With my present standing I was unsuited for the post, and I myself had been considering what I should do about my involvement with the LSM and when. He asked for a vote by the raising of hands, and we voted unanimously in favor of his nominations. The resolution was then made that the above mentioned brothers fill those positions for the coming year.
The position of secretary of the LSM had been for me a total rubber-stamp function. In fact, all the board members, of whom three were family members, had merely a rubber-stamp function (with the exception of Brother Lee and the possible exception of Philip Lee). In the early years of the corporation in Los Angeles in the late sixties and early seventies, the board members did participate in some amount of fellowship concerning various proposals, but in the years following that there was rarely if ever any discussion concerning any issues to arrive at a decision. I was called upon as a secretary to write the minutes of the meetings and keep the minute book in order, and also to sign important papers as the need arose. It was purely perfunctory. Brother Lee announced his intentions and decisions and we acquiesced and fulfilled the necessary functions to make them legal. Through many years we esteemed him very highly and were content to simply do his bidding, yet knowing that it was not a normal operation. It was his business, and we were helpers.
After the vote I queried whether I should still remain on the board as a board member. Brother Lee answered that if I chose to do that it was all right with him; if I chose not to remain it was also all right. I could do whatever I felt I should do. I said then that for simplicity’s sake I had better resign, and I notified him of my intention to do that. He responded that in that case I should write a letter and put it in writing. I said that I would.
After the board meeting was adjourned, Sister Lee and Philip Lee left the room, and Brother Lee continued to talk at length with Francis Ball and myself about the current situation. I just listened, saying very little. He said how much he and Philip Lee and their families had suffered through all the talk about them. He then stated, "Philip, of course, is not perfect; nobody is perfect!" It shocked me that he would make such an inappropriate statement as that after all that had been said and done.
I went home and typed up the minutes of the meeting, my last minutes as secretary of the LSM, and turned it over to Francis Ball, the current secretary, assuring him of my willingness to help in any matter related to his assuming that function should he need it. I also typed a letter of resignation from the Board of Directors of the LSM and delivered it to Brother Lee personally the following Monday morning. As I stood at his door, I told him what it was and he received it with a noticeably pained expression on his face. It was indeed a sad occasion, the end of a certain relationship that had been maintained for many years, and it was felt. And so, for me, ended another era.
